Roll Call 156

Yes, lack of insight sucks. So do the negative symptoms or MDD which I also was diagnosed with. I hate being lost inside myself. A relative was very po'ed at me because I hadn't called my mom in weeks. I don't even understand why. I just know I didn't want to and I don't know why. Maybe trying to withdraw from reality. Sorry to hear you haven't been going out except to see the pdoc. I get that way too, but now I'm in a nursing home and can't really get much time alone. I mean I do, but there are always people around. I wish I could go home. I hope your symptoms will ease up and give you a break.

Thank you, I wish yours would heal up too. I call it the snapping turtle because I was constantly biting my tongue a couple of years ago. It was a AP symptom. But back then it never had long term sores.

I was wondering if it was related to my meds too because it never happened till I started the abilify and thorazine several months ago, that would make sense, it drives me crazy

Sorry you're having a bad day

I used to be ENFP from birth to age 12 - Then a complete INTP from age 12 to 19 (When I did psychedelic) to become INFP. Now I'm becoming my natural ENFP state again =P

I hope I'm not developing TD again, because, last time I had it it started in the jaw/mouth area as well

Ugh, I loathe the negative symptoms myself.

Being lost inside yourself sums it up extremely well; as the reason I have become less and less "crisis prone" in the traditional sense is not because I am somehow more stable. No. I am more unstable than I have ever been. The difference is that I am less and less able to "act out", because I am more withdrawn by the day. I am very far removed from my external environment; I am only tenuously aware of matters as simple as the passage of time and my physical experiences at best and more often than not I lose awareness very quickly. My detachment and withdrawal from "consensus reality" is not a sign of stability, but just the opposite. I am spending more and more time detached from all of it ... and the inevitable result is deepening psychosis because said psychoses are more and more detached from "consensus reality" and thus it is far more difficult for me to have any insight about any of it. The few people left in my life worry about me, and know very well as they have known for years that if I am left alone for too long I will become completely unreachable ... and I will not notice that I have not moved in days or be able to do anything about it. I am only avoiding a long term care facility because I have enough outside support left. When all of that is gone, I am going to end up in a situation much like yours.

I do not ever call anyone anymore. If they do not reach out to me then that is that. I do not know why I am like this, either. It is not out of a lack of love ... I just cannot anymore. It is as if something, a sort of invisible wall, is preventing such things ...

Yes, it was much worse the past few years. That's how I got prescribed tizanidine, because my mouth kept snapping shut.

I hope so too. Back in 2007 I had mouth/lip movements and after I weaned myself off of AP and started taking tons of vit e, it cleared up. So far, I have not had it return but I have tremors in my left hand. Hopefully it will just stop for you.

Yes, me too. Very withdrawn. I'm sorry you have catatonia. That's very hard to fight.

I had TD like problems on a few of the APs I have been on. It started in the exact same area for me, also ...

Working on the dough for polar bear gingerbread cookies, I will just make the dough today and rest it until tomorrow. I needed something distracting because it will take a week to know about my sis. It’s possible she’ll have to move back in with my parents if it comes back positive. I can’t even send her treats because she’s eating healthy. I just feel like there is nothing I can do.

Got the polar dough into the fridge.....one of the balls seems a little dry, I’m not sure what to add like just water or milk, molasses or egg...

I remember now why I rarely make cookies, I just have a little hand mixer and not one of those fancy ones with the paddle, the engine threatened to die quite a few times....

I just looked at your profile SP, over 20,000 posts ... holy hell ... I need to try to get out of my head and post here more often. Lol.

Yep, me, bluebird and Angelique made legendary wise elder like last week.....

Most impressive. I remember when you showed up around here and got broken in by my random word salad and everyone else’s provocative paranoia ... oh, and cat pics ... a lot of cat pics ... Hahahahaha.

I decided on some melted butter for the dry dough...it seems right now but hopefully it will bake ok....

SP, I was coloring a polar bear Christmas page today

Nice, do you have a pic?

Not right now, but I can get one when I'm finished with it

Had nice day skiing. Going skiing again tomorrow. Supposed to dump snow tonight and then be sunny in the morning.

My moms friend couldn't come with us cuz she's too busy doing cocaine.

Poor soul..

I have no motivation to draw lately

It comes and goes for me usually when I’m having a minor mood flux.....

Same here, I did sauté mushrooms and onions today, make cookies, and watch a movie and color though

I'm thinking of trying the ten different types of nootropic mushrooms. I can't just only have a love for psilocybin ones..