Roll Call 156

Made a new one, old one reached 100 pages

Thanks bluebird!

Thank you

Painted my nails then sautéed some mushrooms. Wasn't sure what I wanted for dinner so just had some of them

I really wish had some break and bake cookies It would be nice to have the oven on in this cooler weather.

I kept hearing something but couldn't figure out what it was or where it was coming from. It's one of my cats snoring lol

Could you make some homemade? There's lots of quick easy recipes online if you have the ingredients. If you don't have chocolate chips or anything like that there's butter wafer cookies or sugar cookies, 3 ingredient peanut butter cookies are actually really good

I really want to make cookies too but I'm saving the white chocolate chips/chunks for when my sister and I have coffee

I don’t have the chocolate chips and my favorite sugar cookies require and overnight in the fridge but maybe a small batch of peanut butter would be good. I know I have a recipe on the Halloween cookie stamps I got. Aww who am I kidding actual work.? I think I’d rather goto the store an buy some break and bakes, maybe I will tomorrow it’s only getting colder after all.

I would have trouble not eating them straight out of the bag. Thats why I don’t keep the ingredients around anymore.

Omg five posts until legendary wise elder woohoo!

I have the same problem lol I only keep them around on rare or special occasions.
It's driving me crazy having them here and not being able to bake the cookies yet. I find baking so relaxing

Thanks bb!

Yes my ultimate goal is to get married and have children.

Do you want to be working while taking care of kids? If not you might want to keep disability...and just not be married.

I'm not sure. I sent you a snap tho.

When I lower my antipsychotic, I have to do it slowly because the withdrawal can cause psychosis and depending on how long and severe it is, it could make everything worse. If I lower it slowly and the psychosis never stops, then it's confirmed that I have schizophrenia which would make it worth taking the antipsychotic.

But then they'll change my diagnosis to half-autism (PDD-NOS) if I don't get psychosis and take me off disability. Then I'll work full time and if I don't get psychosis due to stress (Which can increase OCD related to half-autism), depression and trauma (Cured by my good psychedelic trips and made a bit worse by my bad psychedelic trips) then that's great but if I do get psychosis, then it will be changed to autism with psychosis due to stress and then I'll be put back on disability but it could take years. But before that, they'll want to put me on antipsychotics again and I don't want that. The brain can only take so much psychosis before it breaks. My negative symptoms were caused by government and society conditioning and hopefully the rest will be gone if I'm on lower antipsychotic and gives me the strength to work full time again.

I was supposed to wait until I'm 25 to stop the antipsychotic because then my brain will have mostly developed but I'm 23 now but don't want to risk brain damage from the antipsychotic until then. It's like a catch 22 and complicated.

I just don't want to work right now because I want to spend time with my mom because she has cancer. Then if she dies soon, I'll be so emotionally damaged which is why I'm trying my best to prepare for my future. I wouldn't be able to work with my mental illness without her and she's my caregiver.

I hate this. The only solution is to lower the invega injection to 100-50mg and keep my disability because it's less of a risk that I'll get psychosis if I stay on a lower dose of antipsychotic until I'm 25 (I think I figured it out..)

Thanks @Blue_Bird

You've always been a legendary wise elder to me! @Sometimes psychotic

Aww thanks SK!

For me I probably would have been on a lower dose of AP had I not tried to go off completely....like maybe 2.5mg...I was stable on that a long time. Sometimes low is better than zero.

Ok one more post.....I’m not sure if it will convert right away it’s been so long since I changed titles.

Nvm what I wrote was meaningless. My therapist is just saying that I'm doubting the schizophrenia diagnosis and I'm not. I'm saying I also have a very light form of autism. That doesnt mean that i need to be on all or nothing high dose of antipsychotic or nothing. I just need to lower the dose like SP and stay on that dose to prevent further psychosis. I should have known this years ago. The abilify wasnt working for me so she put me on the max dose of invega. That's not my fault.

My psychiatrist only did that because I was having derealization and depersonalization which I never knew would cause panic attacks and I thought it was psychosis because it reminded me of the bad trip which was different than my psychosis I had at 16 (A meth like psychosis with paranoia)

Idk

Yeah that reminds me that I forgot the fact that I could be fine and then get psychosis a year or more later.

It took me 9 months to relapse on no AP....problem is in the kindling theory each episode makes your brain worse so it’s often not worth the risk.