Roll Call 160!

I just want to feel ok for once. No thinking about death. Not thinking about hurting myself to satisfy the demons I see every ****ing day. I wanna feel like I’m not on the verge of insanity with abandonment issues and thinking people are out to get me personally.

I’ll post pics of the new place tomorrow

Just did my tax returns by myself.

Did you already get w4s?

W4s? No I didnt. But i got w2s

Oh sorry two is right...I’m just surprised you got them so early.....

I wrote some about it but it seems too personal.. But it's crazy.. Me disowning my dad for 5 seconds.. Crazy psychotic message, my mom flushing her friends coke down the toilet while we all watch.. , skiing, agh.. idk.. I'm done.

I'm not taking Seroquel tonight because it gives me heart palpitations before I fall asleep. My mom said not to take it so I took 1.5mg xanax and I still couldn't sleep and then I realize "It's 8pm".. I usually go to sleep at 12am.. So yeah..

Also, about the high CBD dose, Idk If I can take more than 100mg CBD.. 100mg is my max cuz it's too muscle relaxing..

I'm gonna have to see my doctor about the seroquel. Too many people die of sudden death when they take Seroquel as a sleep med.. I'll have to lower the Vyvanse to 30mg and maybe take zopiclone or something every night or Valium and then slowly decrease..

I just need to be positive.. I've been thinking the worst is going to happen to me and my mom but I must be positive.. that's the only way..

Tweaky relaxed soul and need stimulants ;D

I'm just gonna try and be positive for the next rest of my life. Life is short and we need to enjoy it. Never give up. Keep struggling until you solve the puzzle. It's a big complicated puzzle. Even for people with 500 IQ. You can't know everything and if you think you do then you're fool! Love, dream, laugh.. Life is but a dream. We will all meet each other one day in afterlife because we reincarnate into everything possible which is the max (I'm calling God "Max" from now on - Maximum) trying to experience itself before it goes back to nothing and then BOOM, it happens all again...

You just think the cycle of reincarnation goes on and on and on and then you just give up and think "Holy ****.. this thing goes on forever and ever for eternity" and then your last piece of reincarnation dies and that's when infinity ends. But it's a real ride. I become you, you become me, we become each other..

But it's all nonsense. This is the real reality. Antipsychotics are like grounding tools.. But once you know, you can't, un... know...

Sorry guys. I've been inpatient. I just got out yesterday. I didn't have access to my cell phone or internet so I couldn't let anyone know where I was or how I was doing. Will try to catch up on roll call soon. Hugs!! Kit

I’m glad you’re OK SK....

I'm so glad you posted! I was so worried.

Glad you're okay SK !

I got the new apartment! Got the keys. Just came back to the old place then bringing some stuff to the new place in an hour or so when my care manager picks me up again

Awesome bluebird!

Going to Burger King tonight with my friend to celebrate 😃

I talked for an hour straight and my therapist listened. It was like a podcast in fast forward with just me talking really fast lol

Had panic attack.

A Buddhist monk once had panic attacks when he was a child. His father said, "Give in to the panic attack" and now the monk is experienced and says "panic attack is my friend.. then it went away"

You are close to Japan. Japan is benzo nation.

My mom says for me to give in to the panic attack and that it works for her. I can't do it though

For my next derealized/depersonalized dissociative hallucinogen persisting perception disorder panic attack, I'm just gonna pretend that I'm tripping.

Welcome to the panic room - Where all your darkest fears are gonna come for you
Welcome to the panic room - You'll know I wasn't joking when you see it too

Hi everyone. I got mostly caught up on my work from being out all week. I had a huge stack of invoicing and stuff to do, plus bills to enter, and commissions to calculate. One of the higher ups did some invoicing for me so that was helpful and then the CFO paid some bills for me so I'm glad that they were all cool with helping me out. The doctor at the IP hospital wanted me to stay home from work today and rest, but I wanted to come in because I knew I would have so much stuff piling up. I did call my therapist and got an appointment for tomorrow.


What sucks is that I went to the ER for SH. I just needed but the ER doctor ended up putting me on a 5150. He was super rude to me. He seemed angry with me. He didn't put enough lidocane when he was going to do the sutures and he made all kinds of remarks. I want to report him I think.


I'm tired today. It's hard to sleep IP. Plus I wanted to get out so I was just going to all the classes and all the group therapy that I could. And then being sociable as much as I could.


We had pizza at lunch at work today and then in about 15 minutes for our 2 o'clock break we are having chocolate cake to celebrate the month's birthdays! I'm glad I didn't miss this today. Good to be back on PC. I'm still trying to catch up as to what is going on with everyone. How is everyone today? HUGS Kit

I'm ok. Shovelled the sidewalks.

I want to be a musician.