Roll Call 169!!

I'm glad I took that 7.5mg olanzepine the last time I was psychotic. I've been taking 5mg olanzepine at night ever since.

My brain needs the AP magnetic zombie blanket cuz the world is too psychotic tbh.

Right away. If it does not work, try a proton pump inhibitor. They work great.

Um what’s that???

Just found out an old pal of mine totally blew up his life due to cocaine and alcohol. Fell asleep in the operating room doing a case. Really nice work. Drugs are bad for people with mental illness.

Like the omeprazole I was telling you about on snap.....

That’s sad and kind of horrible....

very sleepy from this med

I'm just trying to exist right now.

Not sure what to do.

Nexium, prilosec, prevacid. Miracle drugs, truly.

Stanford, Harvard, blah. None of it could save him from himself. He was never able to recognize that he had a major helath problem. He was so school smart and thought those smarts could see him through this, but really, all they did was sink him, because he would not receive the help he desperately needed. Too proud. Too smart.

Hope it helps you, falcon.

I hope you feel better soon @Desoxyn

Damn that’s sad.

Apparently I heard rumours that someone I know at work is doing coke in the bathroom while at the office.

Drugs ruin lives.

Are you still having anxiety? When do you discuss that with your T?

I only take one dose of clozapine today, 25mg. Tomorrow I'll take 50mg, then go up by 25mg until I reach 150. I don't know how to titrate beyond that.

It's more like just having no reason to get out of bed. I've never really had that before - I always get out of bed to do something. This morning I felt like I had no reason at all.

So I drank some coffee. It could be mild withdrawal from the extra stimulant (I'm taking as prescribed now).

On the topic of cocaine, I remember last year I bought some and threw it away - My morals are stronger than the addiction. It's always been like that. I'll never do it again.

I don't think I feel much anxiety.. Just blah - Need a vacation. I feel alone. I'm upset that my mom doesn't talk to me. She asks if I'm ok all the time - But is always drinking to cope, having bf's.

My dad was really happy that I made that routine list. My sister is being really responsible. But idk where all of this is going to lead.

I talk to my therapist on the 8th on the phone. I suppose I'll have to write down what I'm dealing with before then. I booked an appointment to see my doctor on Monday. I'll have to write down what to say to him as well.

I'm just confused.

Have you ever read atomic habits...it basically about starting a new routine very slowly...

I agree a vacation can do wonders but if you can’t do it right now what can you do instead? Is there anything else that would fill some of that void?

I feel like I had lost some of the lessons of my Psychosis until today...part of that being that who you were as a kid is still a part of who you are today so remember and treat that part well.

This is profound SP.

Thanks SK....I’m remembering a lot retelling my stories. If you haven’t been over to the bipolar forum it’s a pretty cool place.

I haven't read that but I was thinking yesterday, "Is it easier for addicts to build habits?" because I find that it's really easy for me to build habits.

I do chores every day and make sure that my desk is clean, vacuum my room once a week or so, clothes put away, dishes not left anywhere, hygiene every day, shower every second day, etc..

I'm thinking of maybe doing like 2 things every day instead of like 5-10 every day like I planned.. Just starting slow..

I'll do the chores today and then make another routine - Mostly I want to read and listen to podcasts. Maybe anxiety is getting in the way of that.

I can't take a benzo every day so I'd rather have anxiety - That how I stop myself from being dependent or addicted. It's quite hard for me to get addicted to something after having a severe near death experience on the bad trip. I'm not getting dissociative panic attacks anymore which is such a relief. I think they're completely gone.

I'll keep that book in mind.

I'm quite burnt out. Things will get better - I'm just maintaining my mental health with everything going on in my environment. I wish my mom was coping better - She thinks she's going to die or something before age 60 and wants a bf before she looks older. It's all very confusing to me.

I think I'll be better by the evening. I'll let you guys know if I am.

Yeah don’t push yourself too hard. Even starting with one task is acceptable. And if that seems too much don’t stress about it. Whatever you do just try your best.

I'd probably feel weird being that I don't have bipolar. I did read the thread you posted here from the bipolar forum on psychosis though.

Yeah bp forum used to be only moods but more people have psychosis there now too. Worth reading even if you don’t want to post.

Oh, okay, thanks!