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  #226  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
Hope u start to feel better. Maybe play some animal crossing?
Thank you, that's actually exactly what I did, I played AC for a couple hours. It definitely helped. That game is so therapeutic
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  #227  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 06:13 PM
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I'm taking monday off so I have a 3 day weekend. Ahhh. Tomorrow I see my sister for the first time in 6 years.

Possible trigger:


It's a sad occassion but I'm still happy to see her.

I have a date on sunday which I'm very nervous about. My date told me she's been quiet with me because she had a really awesome date and she typically gets quiet with other guys when she feels a "strong connection" So now i have that hanging over my head as we go on our first date. I'm actually a bit upset because now that hangs over the date, i have no clue what she was thinking but that was definitely too much info. I hope i can be myself with the expectation now.

The new Taylor swift album is great, it's dark, stormy, more sincere, less popy, i recommend it. I'm not a fan of anything else she has done but I heard a song played on NPR All Songs Considered and loved it.
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  #228  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 06:22 PM
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Did some cleaning. I feel good today. I even got on my VR couple days ago.
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  #229  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 06:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job 30 26 View Post
I'm taking monday off so I have a 3 day weekend. Ahhh. Tomorrow I see my sister for the first time in 6 years.

Possible trigger:


It's a sad occassion but I'm still happy to see her.

I have a date on sunday which I'm very nervous about. My date told me she's been quiet with me because she had a really awesome date and she typically gets quiet with other guys when she feels a "strong connection" So now i have that hanging over my head as we go on our first date. I'm actually a bit upset because now that hangs over the date, i have no clue what she was thinking but that was definitely too much info. I hope i can be myself with the expectation now.

The new Taylor swift album is great, it's dark, stormy, more sincere, less popy, i recommend it. I'm not a fan of anything else she has done but I heard a song played on NPR All Songs Considered and loved it.

My brain compressed all that into new album how did I not know?

So first sorry about your sisters ex....

Glad your date feels connected that’s a good thing....try not to let it get to you.....
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  #230  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 06:31 PM
Job 30 26 Job 30 26 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
My brain compressed all that into new album how did I not know?

So first sorry about your sisters ex....

Glad your date feels connected that’s a good thing....try not to let it get to you.....
No! She felt a strong connection with another dude she is dating right now! It's not me! lol
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  #231  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Job 30 26 View Post
No! She felt a strong connection with another dude she is dating right now! It's not me! lol

Oh ok reading error....sorry
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  #232  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 07:07 PM
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Steak for dinner. Fiancé is making them.
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  #233  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 07:32 PM
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Steak for dinner. Fiancé is making them.

Yuuuummm.

Might bbq tomorrow.
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  #234  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 08:14 PM
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Working 5 days a week now (4-6 hours a day) so I'll be going to bed early and waking up at 7am. It's going to be really hard.

I'm going to try and think of my mind as my friend instead of my enemy. I need to be nice to myself..

Olanzepine made me gain weight I think. I'm gonna stop taking it every night soon.
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  #235  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
I’m revering in things.

I got an early birthday present. Gosh ima be 30... Man fck. I’m just scared cuz I thought I was supposed to have everything in line by 30. I worry more about my lack of accomplishments than I do how I look. I feel like everything is a deadline when it comes to age. I guess cuz my parents kinda indirectly said that. My dads like “if you don’t goto a college, it may be too late”. And my moms like “if you don’t lose all that weight by 30, your body is gonna go downhill after that”. And just other stuff.

Roll Call 172

Got these, too, for my birthday. Kitty ears gaming headset and the ears can be turned different colors.

Also, just idk. I’m happy lately but I’m sad. I was reading about a Caucasian rapper, Logic, who is retiring because he has a young infant son now. One of his last songs before retirement talked about how he’s accomplished all this stuff but he’s still a very sad person. How he’s had loads of money, fame, respect and he’s still quite sad. And I can relate so much. Not with fame or even a lot of respect, but money yes, from how I grew up. Fame? Maybe local fame. And some respect on my name through my small accomplishments. But all in all, I’m still a baseline sad person. Always have been. Always have been that person chasing the next high in the form of accomplishments. Getting accomplishments are my drug of choice. If that makes sense. Risk-taking behavior but in the form of bettering myself, with each new thing one step above the last. Idk how to explain.
The song "Nate - NF" explains that well too. It's one of my favourite rap songs.
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  #236  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 08:22 PM
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Making some egg salad tomorrow for sandwiches
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PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #237  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
I hate inspections with a passion.
I have come 2 inspect certain things in ur lief.. *Snaps gloves* hmm... "What is this??? and this??"

Shame... SHAAMEE..
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  #238  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 08:36 PM
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I'm afraid that I have leaky heart valves now from high blood pressure of tapering phenibut too low today with two coffees. I was lying down for 4 hours unmotivated after work.

I always feel soooo good right before I have to go to sleep - That's why I need the zopiclone and olanzepine. It's like I get hypomanic or something. It's when the Vyvanse wears off too. But this has been happening for 3-4 years since my big trip.
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  #239  
Old Jul 24, 2020, 10:14 PM
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Ashwagandha arrived quickly in the mail. Picking it up tomorrow.

I love this supplement. Lowers my cortisol.
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  #240  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 07:49 AM
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Morning

Feel nauseous. There’s drainage at the back of my throat. I can feel the mucus back there. Making me nauseous.
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  #241  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 09:32 AM
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Been trying to wake up for 2 hours. Finally I've woken up. It's not worth working when it takes that much effort to wake me up.

I drank coffee but my blood pressure seems to increase. I'll go to work for a few hours and then come back and lie in bed, unmotivated with pressure in my chest.

I'm afraid of stretching out my heart valves.

This sucks.
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  #242  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Been trying to wake up for 2 hours. Finally I've woken up. It's not worth working when it takes that much effort to wake me up.

I drank coffee but my blood pressure seems to increase. I'll go to work for a few hours and then come back and lie in bed, unmotivated with pressure in my chest.

I'm afraid of stretching out my heart valves.

This sucks.

I was having issue with waking up my first week of work but th more you do it the more you get used to it.....
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  #243  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 10:11 AM
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Waiting for my hair to dry so I can walk to Family Dollar and get a few things I need. I have a lot to do today but am not feeling motivated at all. I'll force myself to get some things done though hopefully.
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
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PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #244  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 10:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Waiting for my hair to dry so I can walk to Family Dollar and get a few things I need. I have a lot to do today but am not feeling motivated at all. I'll force myself to get some things done though hopefully.

Half the time I go out with wet hair.....
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  #245  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Half the time I go out with wet hair.....
Yeah I do sometimes too. I probably should have this time. It was really hot. Glad to be back in the AC.
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #246  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 11:59 AM
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Took out the trash. Next step I will do is cleaning the bathroom. That will be a little later. Then I'll sweep and mop the floors. Vacuuming and the rest I'll do tomorrow while my sausage and peppers are cooking in the crockpot
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #247  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 02:04 PM
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Got off work.

Gonna go in town now to pick up ashwagandha and nicotine gum...
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  #248  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 03:53 PM
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Got the things.

In 1-2 weeks, I'll be used to sleeping at ~10pm and waking up at ~7am. I need 9-10 hours of sleep.

I don't feel like lying down right now. I'm now I'm organizing my notes and deciding what to do...

I'll make 1500 a month or so in savings by doing this. I'll have a lot of money.

When I get used to getting up early, I'll be hiking almost every day. I'm gonna spend money on high fat low carb keto food to keep healthy.
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  #249  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 04:05 PM
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Roll Call 172
Roll Call 172

Roll Call 172
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  #250  
Old Jul 25, 2020, 04:06 PM
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Hey everyone!
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