Roll Call 172

Not at my best lately. Been feeling down.

Yeah took a Vyvanse and an atenolol at 6am this morning, went back to sleep, woke up at 7:45.. After multiple attempts of trying to wake up but failing and falling back asleep lol.. My mom wakes me up and says "get ready" like a million times.. She understands though..

Half of the time I am a night owl and need to stay awake into the AM's..

Been feeling pretty good today though. It's just a good day - Maybe cuz of the CBD idk..

Seeing the doctor in two hours and I need a refill of;
60x atenolol 50mg
30x zopiclone 7.5mg
30x minocycline 100mg
30x 50mg Vyvanse (But I want an increase to 60mg so it can last longer - Or I'll ask for 1-2x 5mg Dexedrine so I can take whenever I need to focus - Reading, playing guitar, online courses.. It would be really helpful. I just prefer to have the extra 10mg as optional so there's less side effects).

I think that's it? I only take 2.5mg diazepam now instead of 5mg. By the time I'm finished the 3 I have left, i should be non-benzo dependent. I think I already am.

What is up?

Will walk to doctors office in shorts and Birkenstocks

Hot sunny day

Generic long acting Adderall works all day. U guys have it up there?

I was prescribed 20mg generic Adderall XR and was so tired so I took 40mg every morning. I told the doctor this. I was still sleeping on 40mg.

It's not covered by my disability so I had to pay for it so no point anyways.

Dexedrine comes in 10mg and 15mg XR and 5mg IR which are covered. I could switch to that but my doctor would probably start me on a low dose or just say he's tired of switching my stimulants I'm pretty sure.

I could talk about taking 2x 15mg Dexedrine in the morning and 15mg in the afternoon idk. I wouldn't have to pay.

Doctor says I should stay on the same meds and then gave me refills.

But we talked about about things that led to nihilism. Everything leads to nihilism for me.

"Optimistic nihilist" made him laugh though lol

I got my book today

Your book you wrote? Is it finalized yet?

No. Not that one. I mean The Center Cannot Hold. I got it from amazon.

I can't focus

I think I'm dissociating or something

Saw the pdoc today.

Gonna keep the clozaril at 400mg and then check my plasma levels next week

Good luck! hope all works out. You're like me when it comes to needing a large amount of meds to get it to work.

I miss the kiddos.

Yeah I've always needed max or near max doses of AP's to work.

A bit on nihilism and dissociation – Yivette’s Journal

I'm at 675mg a day... the max is like 900 mg. Hopefully it doesn't get that high.

I have that book. It was okay. Some day I might publish my own story that occurred at the university. But I know I don't want that sort of attention and it puts me back in that mindset and it's not good for my mental health.

By the way, i bought your book. Nice job Newt!

Which book?! I hope not the ebook for the new book. I’m still revising it. They put it up by mistake. I’ve been emailing them to take it down.

Is Moral Nihilism A Form Of Dissociation / Stockholm Syndrome? | My PTSD Forum

Careful triggering

Feeling really good

I really need a ****ing break or vacation or what ever rich people do

But I don't want to be social and drink

I don't want it to be too hot

I feel not skinny anymore and don't want people to see me without a shirt on

I don't want people laughing all the time yet I wish I could laugh

I'm sick of people caring when they don't mean it

I want to be able to drive and have a car

I want friends that aren't lazy yet not have entrepreneurs talk down to me

I bought a pair of Sennheiser HD. 4.5 BTNC Wireless Active Noice Canceling headphones. They are blue tooth. My first test was Grandbrother, but I wasn't impressed so I put on Alan Mor and WOW I'm blown away by the bass Alan Mor is a great test for trying out headphones!

If you want test out your head phones on Alan Mor's Long Awaited Journey and cloe out the world. It's sublime.

I also got a few books one on Rethinking Narcissism because a twitter philosopher suggested to read it because it talks about the cost of being a high acheiver.

I got my 256gb mini sd card in the mail for my phone. Now I can listen to anything!!!!!!!!! I downloaded masterclasses, more courses, and audiobooks galore! I have ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Yes the ebook. No worries. I can always delete it and redownload it. I'll pause my reading then. I made the same mistake every single time. It's hard to know when to release a book...

Give me all of ur manias