Roll Call 172

Was in a rage. Calmer now.

Clonidine made me sleep for a bit.

Thanks, I talk to T tomorrow. So I'll mention that and the hallucinations.

I'm starting to run low on ear plugs, have to ask my friend to send some. He might stop by this weekend and we can look at each other through a window for a bit.

Pure talk is giving Cricket a run for their money. They just doubled the data to 10gigs this week and I haven't run out yet. Thinking of getting a wifi booster though soon. I rarely get a decent wifi connection in my room.

Good to see you Angelique!! Hope you get to see your friend this weekend.

Clonidine is used for hyperactivity in ADHD

"clonidine has been found to help people with ADHD symptoms like hyperactivity, impulsivity, aggression, overarousal, and sleep difficulties."

Craving adrenaline (Or a stimulant..)...

I might go for a hike when my mom comes home from work.

www.amazon.com/epinephrine-pen

jkjk

saw the doctor today, fully off the geodon

very paranoid

HUGS falcon!!!

Sooooo tired.

Tried taking a nap yesterday and kept hearing voices. So annoying. I thought it was my Mom but she denied it. Usually my voices are male but these ones sounded female or non-gender specific.

worried i may need hospital

That sucks, but if you need it, you need it. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. HUGS!!!! Kit

Need a mind rest

mind is all over the place tonight

Can't focus

I wonder if my meds interfere with my ability to meditate

I chewed 8mg of nicotine gum and feel more "in of it" slightly. I took L-Tyrosine which should help replenish my dopamine.

I'm learning about meditation. I'll teach you guys! I think meditation is my most important thing that I'll be doing over the next few weeks.

Like 5-10 times, people have recommended meditation to me more than anything else. So I'm gonna set a time to do it - Since it's summer, I can do it outside on the front lawn. There's a fence so people won't see me.

It'll be good.. I feel sad.. lol..

It’s like I barely eat anymore. I don’t find myself thinking about food all the time either. I feel fine tho. I eat 2 or 3 small meals a day and no snacking. Wow. That’s a big deal for me.

I didn't eat very often on Vraylar, it had a kinda stimulant effect on me.

Food is bad!

No jk. A healthy amount of food is what I eat. I eat really healthy except I enjoy walks to the gas station and end up buying a coke almost every day - Along with chocolates etc.

But yeah I'm gonna find a way to become immortal. I know that there's a way. I wouldn't have thought otherwise without my trips.

I will prepare with spirituality a lot and then take the spiritual chemicals if I feel like it is time. I decided not to smoke DMT because I felt like it wasn't time - Since I deal with psychosis. I threw it away.

Mett..forminn...

You should feel more energy eventually. I should have warned you that the low blood sugar at the start would make you depressed but idk

You ever feel sometimes that things are too good?

I have a good job. I’m studying successfully. I have a balanced mental state. Everything is going good despite there being a pandemic going on.

Inside my mind it wants to push a reset button. Wants me to go off my meds and go crazy. Be delusional and starving myself and washing my hands obsessively worried that if I don’t something bad will happen.

I don’t want that. By mind drifts to it. Wants the chaos. I wish these thoughts would just go away.