Roll Call 172

You're doing good! Don't worry.. What you're doing is enough and absolutely great! I wish I could get to that point - I'm getting there. Sometimes I feel the way you do and just want to go nuts - That's my main feeling when I want to take 'something' that will make me lose control...

It gets us no where. I've spent long years out of control. In the back of our minds, we're always like "I need to let go and just go straight into the abyss of mental illness".. But the abyss is hell.. It is also love.. And you can find it with the opposite...

Not a great day for me... Just a bunch of arguing and stuff over stupid things. At least I could rehire my therapist, so that's good. Now for the pdoc.

I think medication has little to no effect on some of my symptoms, such as the obsessive compulsive crap and the impulsivity and certain other things like anxiety.

I suppose it controls the psychosis, but honestly I don't even know anymore!

Having depersonalization. Took a benzo and gonna drink chamomile tea.

Idk why this keeps happening it's almost every night now. I can't make sense of it all.

I get voices like that sometimes, Kit hugs!!

That is your illness trying to harm you, Cog. Don't listen to it

Hugs.

Good for you, Asparagae. Maybe that T can help u w some of these issues.

Hugs.

Invega does not help?

Hi Kit! Thank you! I hope I'll get to see him.

It's 10am already. I'm going to be out of podcasts soon. Then what will I do.

Hey all, doing better this morning. I am attending a Meetup this week (it's online and virtual, of course). I am excited for that. It's about the Spanish language.

Just wrote up my first business plan for my website! I think it’ll take off!

Idk what to do today. Think I’m a bit lonely.

making lunch

Got my Fitbit Charge 3 and set it up. I really like it.

Have been reading a lot

Sleeping life away. Worst pollen allergies in 10 yrs, and I am inside!!! Eyes are killing me.

I could sleep for a year. Depression blows.

Hugs.

Hope you feel better bpcyclist and newtus

What are you making Falcon?

I made mac n cheese, super easy meal

I’m ok, thank you , just lonely. Thinking about making my closet into a book nook. It’s got a weird step up to get to the closet but it’s big enough to lay in and has a neat little light in it. It’s also got a weird slant in it that I could make into a little armrest or back rest or something.

Pics one day if I ever get it made!

I'm not going to lie... I think I'll feel safer at a hospital

I'd go...but I go to hospital a lot so

I've been there a lot this past year or so. IDK anymore.

Had a very severe panic attack last night. I think it was because of the L-Tyrosine. Not taking that again.

I told my mom to kick her bf out because I couldn't stand the way she talks and the way he talks it reminds me of abuse or stockholm syndrome. She reassured me that it wasn't like that way.

I got depersonalization because I was trying to focus outside in the cold while the Vyvanse was wearing off.

I didn't want to hear anymore of the drama so I told my mom to keep it down and I walked away, she still continued. I closed my door but the cat was OUTSIDE THE DOOR. So the cat started meowing at my mom and she was ignoring - What do I do in that situation? I lie on my bed, breathing with my hand on my chest - Panting.. intense panic forming "The door will be opened" so I opened the door and came to my mom and said "I don't know what you are" and not making much sense backing away from her and she said I'm being rude or something..

I don't give a **** about what is rude or not. I never did. I don't connect with social culture but I've learned to abide over time.

She said that I'm not well and got her bf to leave. I couldn't look at her in the eyes - My eyes were jotting around my vision - It was complete lack of focus. I couldn't focus.

I told her that I took L-Tyrosine to replenish my dopamine because I couldn't focus. I wasn't making any coherent sense at all - Just "I don't know what is real because of all the things"

I said I just wanted to go to sleep. So I tried to go to sleep, took 1.5mg of alprazolam - Had a thought that I would die in my sleep cuz I took phenibut but it was an irrational fear - and I knew that.

So I went to drink chamomile tea again, watched the news and couldn't understand any of it. The benzo and zopiclone kicked in and I went to sleep.

I woke up 6 hours of sleep or something. I could have a panic attack again when the Vyvanse wears off and I can't focus. It's ****ing hell.

I went to work though. Had a good day at work. I'll take it easy today.

had bad akathisia this morning.

Should I keep taking the clozapine? Or stop and re-assess monday

After taking it?

90-120 minutes after my dose (200mg)