Roll Call 181

Trying to keep busy today. I called my dad and he’s been drinking and it makes me really sad and anxious. He was supposed to come over today. I was gonna give my old tv to him but I decided to keep it and he decided he will just stay home and catch up on sleep from being at work so much.

So I’m trying to stay busy and just idk...

Doing lots of things and I won’t get everything done but it’s ok. Not even doing the most important stuff. I should be washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. But I’m cleaning up fiancé’s old computer to give to his 19 yr old nephew.

And maybe start to record another spoken word poetry album since I got my adapter in the mail to connect my mic to my laptop. And I got groceries today and put those up. Started making fiancé’s lunches for work a few days ago. Gotta make dinner later and clean. Bought a peice of furniture for the living room too.



Lots more stuff I need to get done. Trying to practice not overwhelming myself too with things to do cuz then I just feel like I don’t wanna do anything at all.

You're very productive today Newtus!

I'm looking at coffee tables on amazon. I don't have one and am thinking of getting a small one for my apartment

Thank you! I was just telling Door2015 how I’m sick and tired of my anxiety and psychosis. Anxiety is the worst for me right now but it always triggers the psychosis and stress does too but stress and anxiety are hand in hand.

I’m usually not productive lately at all. Just barely maybe. It’s a Sunny day , it’s warm yet windy, fiance has a short day at work, and so I’m trying to be positive today if I can help it.

Not feeling well all of a sudden...

Had a panic attack yesterday and think I’m about to have another today.

I don't know how to explain what is wrong with me. I'm waiting in the jeep while everyones skiing because I feel too bad - Like I'm being tortured. This is the 3rd-4th time that this has happened this year.

I don't know what to do. I want to give up. In this state, I'm afraid of people laughing at me.

I hate my doctor. He dismisses everything I say. I'm not taken seriously with him. I see my psychiatrist on Monday and maybe my sister will come with me.

I want to lower the invega injection or at least be prescribed Dexedrine for the evening. I can only do things in the morning and then the Vyvanse wears off. I don't know why I sleep so much.

I'm trying to find meaning to being alive and I've always been like this. I'm a downer. I'm not fun and see life as pointless in this state. It's my natural state.

I don't get it. Theres something wrong with me. I'm gonna take clonazepam and see if it helps.

Sorry Newtus, I hope you feel better. Do you have any grounding techniques or coping skills that can help?

I showered and feel so good now. I hadn’t taken one in a couple days. It feels good to be clean. I don’t know why I get in that habit of not taking them, I always feel better after I do finally take one.

I want out of here. Everything is uncomfortable. When I talk, I don't make any sense. People are gonna wonder why I'm sitting in the jeep for so long.

My boss just called me to start working on the weekend and I ended the call too early - But I'll start working on Sarurday.

I looked up symptoms of psychosis and I agree that I feel like I'm being tortured by an unseen force that wants me dead. But it's usually like that. The opposite of grandeur.

Anyways, whatever..

Hey Peeps. Sorry I haven't been around. was at the hospital. Feeling okay just fragile. I tried catching up on the roll call but there's so many posts so I didn't get through them all. Sorry guys. Just feeling fragile and out of sorts.

I’m glad you’re okay , I’m sorry you’re struggling though

Having French fries

My sister is making some fancy mac and cheese.

Since I've upped my lithium from two times a day to three times a day I've felt a little lightheaded. Especially when I stand up. I had a bit of a foggy head lately as well, even before upping the meds. I mentioned to the doctor on Monday and he said yeah, that happens. Guess I just gotta wait to get used to the increase.

Makes me not want to be active. I was going to start doing at least a bit of activity. Maybe 30 minutes of biking a day. But I got up from my chair after work was over and I felt lightheaded and now I don't want to do anything.

Part of me wonders if it might be a little bit to do with anxiety. I would get dissociative before with my anxiety and it always felt floaty. Sort of similar. IDK. I was on Lexapro to help my anxiety and it was helping, but I had to go off of it when I got manic.

All these med changes messing with me making me feel out of sorts.

But hey at least my mood is getting normalized.

My doorbell rang and I didn’t know who could be ringing it but it was the maintenance guy handing out everyone’s St. Patrick’s day corned beef and cabbage dinners omg I haven’t had it in so long, my mom used to make it every year. So I have that for later or tomorrow

Awesome!!!!

Trying to study but all I can think about is my crocheting project. I've been working on a blanket forever and keep having to put stripes because colors get discontinued. Anyway, I'm waiting on ONE roll to come in the mail on Monday, and then I have 10 rolls (in three different patterns) to go through before I need to buy more yarn. Hopefully, I won't need to buy anymore but never know.

My exam for this course is April 11th, then I have two more courses to start in May. So between work, school, and crocheting, I got a lot on my plate.

Hugs....we missed you

Seriously I know...I worked on an art project for work instead of doing homework earlier now I’ll be doing it tonight.

Glad you're OK

Thanks Guys. It's always nice to feel home here. I love everyone on this board. Everyone is so chill and cool. I missed everyone too.

I'm doing Noom for weight loss since Valentine's day and today I sort of went off plan and had Starbucks. OMG it was so good. Luckily my Mom is making homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner so I might be able to stay within my calorie limits. I was worried I was going to go over but you can eat a lot of soup and it's not a lot of calories. I wouldn't have this problem except for the stupid AP's. Made me gain weight.

Gah! I haven't showered in several days. I'm going to have to face it tomorrow and get it done.

Got some translation work finally. Yes. So glad. I am doing a lot better this week so far.

Also been super productive today - trying to make it a habit.