Roll Call 181

For those who desire a new roll call!

Thank you!!!

Also, may I add that I am extremely frustrated with a site I tried to pass a transcription exam on. I wish jobs were easy.

For sure! Haha.

Thank you!

I guess I'm going to stay up all night and day. Maybe I'll nap I don't know. I should call my mom too. I have to reset my sleep schedule. Maybe I'll order pizza and Coke today. I'm dying for some Coke.

The recurring dreams I have are all slices of the whole. In the dream, I go to my workplace and start working with a variable amount of anxiety because for some reason I haven't been there in 20 years.

Before that segment, I dream that I go to the cafeteria and it's loaded with delicious foods I don't have to pay for. Often I wake up before I actually eat anything.

In another segment I'm in a small deli that I apparently live in. The shelves are stocked with all kinds of stuff I love. Usually I never get to eat anything.

In another segment I'm opening a hatch to a huge closet and climbing up to a large space which has all kinds of weird stuff, like acoustic foam, and up there I get to the street outdoor and it's NYC with fast food, and all kinds of food etc, but I don't really get to eat it. Usually the dream segment ends along a street, or sometimes I walk west to maybe 8th avenue and that turns into a different dream.

There are more segments I can't quite follow right now. Oh, there's a different place after I climb up the hatch, I end up in a park and some other details I can't remember.

Everytime I remember my dreams it's one of those segments. It's too bad really. There are more segments and segues within the structure of the dream. I can't remember any other dreams but these.

I guess I'm going to try to stay up until breakfast. After breakfast I think I'll go sit in the lobby for awhile. I should plug in my headphones soon so theyll be ready later.

I barely slept last night. I had one weird dream so I know i fell asleep at least for a little bit but I tossed and turned a lot. I don’t have any medication I could take to help me sleep.

I realize I might not have time to talk to the doctor today anyway. I have four hours to work, then a meeting, then lunch, then maybe an hour until I leave early to go for a blood test (to check lithium levels).

Hopefully I can focus on work. There’s stuff I need to get done today.

Erti what’s your username on battle net? I’ll add u on wow.

Totally not aimed at me but mine is ChildofChaos#1394

Awesome! I’ll add u too, soon in a few min.

Added!

Where the heck is everyone

My doctor wants me to consider getting on clozaril. I’m supposed to get bloodwork next week and start it Monday or tuesday.

Wow, that's a big change. Do you think you need it?

Heh yay!

What do you think of that suggestion?

Sorry I’m busy working. I’ve been so unfocused lately I need to actually get work done today to meet deadlines.

I’m a little nervous about it, scared of the whole white blood cell thing that they have to watch out for. I think it might be a good thing though because I guess it does help a lot of people. And I have been on a lot of antipsychotics and I’m still struggling.

There was a smoking break today!!!!!!! I am so glad I stayed awake! They charged my batteries and everything!

My COPD is worse though. I was almost coughing out my vape. I don't know what I'm going to do about the vaping mail ban. I've discovered that nicotine has a wonderful effect on my cognition. It's been so long without it I forgot how essential it is. I need it every day all day. Not just twice a day.

The guy I like caught my eye as he always does but modesty made me break my gaze; he saw me half naked in my room last week. One of those things too horrible to be acknowledged. I hope my lungs improve, I can barely vape anymore. Maybe I'll have to quit vaping and just use nic gum throughout the day.

I think I might. She thinks I do. Because I’ve been on a lot of different antipsychotics and I’m still struggling so she thinks it may be time to try this. I’m a little nervous about it. With it being a last resort med and all. But I hope maybe it’s the one that will help me.

Yes, I would be nervous about it too, for the same reason. The only thing I really notice about your challenges are like the impulsive thoughts, like quitting all your meds, or drinking too much coffee, or things I can't think of right now. I don't think of you as delusional or hallucinogetic l and I'm always surprised to see you're on aps. But you deserve all the privacy you wish about your circumstances.

I hope if you take the clozaril that it does help. *hugs*

Yeah I don’t talk much about my hallucinations and stuff on here. Idk why. I know it’s a psych forum but I just feel better talking about my daily life, it’s kind of like an escape from that. A place to talk to friends about what I’ve been up to aside from that.

I have an appointment with my therapist today @4pm.

I feel like I need to drink all my Irish cream before I start clozaril next week. I’ll be too scared to drink while on it.

Yes, I've been very lucky that my ap helps and I don't have that awful voice torturing me anymore. I still have issues with paranoia though. I don't like needing aps. They make it hard to write and I have at least 2 writing projects I'm hoping to do. Since I can't work on a computer here I'll have to write hard copies by hand in my composition books. That's how I wrote my trashy novel in the 90s. It was so much fun, but I wasn't on meds then.

So I really just talk about every day stuff too. I'm skeptical of some of the things I believed in the past like gang stalking. People just aren't that organized.