Roll Call 181

I'll try and make an effort to work harder on achieving good mental health tomorrow. It's just hard with dysphoria, lack of motivation and anhedonia.

I'm feeling really good right now - I always do right before I go to sleep. I don't know why.

I feel like I'm not enough.

I slept the whole night!!!

I had a headache starting in the afternoon into the evening so I went to bed early. Feeling a lot better now.

Just made myself a blended caramel frappe

Dinner tonight is going to be steak, dirty rice, and vegetables

I was up till 2:30am watching Fantastic Four and also some of King Kong. I feel well rested though for some reason.

My mood is good. I can't wait till I find out my ancestry dna results once I get the package then send it back to them. That will be very interesting.

Oooh, nice! I'm having lamb chops with... IDK what else. Hopefully it doesn't rain so we can BBQ.

Had a bbq brisket sandwich for breakfast hah

The brisket was just falling apart. It was so good on a hamburger bun.

Sounds so good i'm jealous.

I had leftover latkes for breakfast.

I had pancakes and half a burger....

Packages

I'm expecting a roll of yarn in the mail tomorrow. Then I could work more on my blanket. I'm excited. I just want to get it done. Maybe these 10 rolls I have will do the trick. But I'll probably need more. It's an expensive blanket but it'll be amazing when it's done.

Right now I'm half studying, and half watching Nurse Jackie with my mom.

I like that show

So I haven’t really talked about my symptoms much here in like a year or two. Mostly because I’m generally ok.

Past 3 months tho I haven’t been well at all, but since March when covid hit, I’ve been have ongoing psychosis along with depression and severe anxiety/agoraphobia.

Haven’t left my house in 3 months.

Been hearing voices everyday ands sounds. A man and a woman talking. Also hear like police sirens and emergency sirens. Also been been hearing whistling and like what sounds like there’s constant music on and maybe a old fashioned radio on (like a AM radio).

When I lost my job last March things haven’t been the same with my mental health at all. And then finding out that I wasn’t pregnant anymore in January really put me down a rabbit hole.

I have work today in like 45 minutes.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work again.

I’ve been putting all my efforts into my writing, music, and just social media presence within the mental health community. Stuff like that. Still applying to gigs and whatnot.

I should try to have a backup income. Like selling stuff or idk. I’ll have to figure it out. I don’t wanna do something typical like selling crafts. That’s not my forte so it wouldn’t pan out well. I could sell something but crafts, necessarily, would be a bust for me.

Otherwise idk what else to do.

If I may respond to this, I think you'll be able to work again. I have been working on my mental health a lot lately. Such that I haven't been able to work as much. But now I am getting back into the game.


It was really hard for me like the past three months being without a job and extremely depressed. I won't lie. Now I am getting some work so I guess the work on my mental health has paid off (no pun intended). Anyway, I mean, I don't do much work (the maximum I work per week is like 6 hours), but at least it's something.

That makes sense, thank you. I’ve given up on so much atm.

For sure. It's gradual I think. Any progress like that is.

I for one know that I wouldn't have been able to keep up a job last year for example. My mental health wasn't so good. But through continued effort I have gotten somewhat better. Truly, I am grateful for that.

I have a bunch of packages coming and I can't wait!

Kind of peeved because my course director at the university isn't even responding to me anymore. Oh well.

I keep wanting to try to learn to crochet but it's so intimidating. Maybe I just need to keep at it and I'll get it eventually. I want to be able to make scarves and hats, and blankets, all kinds of cool stuff. I'm jealous of other peoples talent with that lol

I don't crochet, but I know there are tons of free resources on YouTube and I suppose other places where people explain how to make stuff like that.

I gotta leave my house to get my meds and I can’t do it

Im scared

I’m scared of people out there