Roll Call 181

Desoxyn · Mar 21, 2021, 09:56 PM

I want to start all over again in Mexico

12AM · Mar 21, 2021, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

You seem to be in a very good spiritual place @12AM. I only rarely get to that point. Now I'm blinded by a SHEET of PURPLE.. I am a king..

But no there really is a point where a certain philosophy or way of thinking can really solve any mental problem that anyone is in. Most psychedelics are "entheogens" (a chemical substance, typically of plant origin, that is ingested to produce a nonordinary state of consciousness for religious or spiritual purposes).. Hmm a drug that induces spiritual healing - But you don't even need them because spiritual states can be manifested in sobriety.

Psychedelics are illegal in the western world because as much as I wouldn't like to believe, it benefits the rich for people to suffer.. It's similar to making purple illegal..

I'm in a state where I'm trying to research crypto - But also trying to find inner peace and spirituality/meditation/content so it's similar to yours. I used to be extremely logical and loved science when I was a kid. My parents would buy me chemistry sets, telescopes and stuff like that but it all changed once my ex step dad manipulated my family and trained me like a dog for years.

I think ~90% of people have some awareness of what I didn't have before my trip. I am a bit different just because I was "the doubter"/atheist or skeptic and I got to "put my hand into the womb" while nobody else did.. So I seem to be on both sides of everything now.

I'm trying to practice gratefulness and get my creativity back. I'm happy that you're painting - I could draw/paint but I'm not 100% of anything right now. I need a vacation or to relate to people IRL maybe make friends. Either people are assholes or they're like me but way more "out there" than me.

I think the best way to do this is to meditate - That's why I'd like to use a virtual reality headset and lie down while I use the internet cuz it's like my brain is completely functional but my body is exhausted - That's how I see it... I'm so heavy and worn down that I don't want to make effort - Like lifting weights.. Exercise would help - All of these things would.. The good things.. Not drugs. After I stopped using hard drugs, I'm back where I started.. I have to relive, finding meaning to reality and to not escape it. I'm faced with a wall that I have to climb over which I ignored my whole life. I'm ready now.

I'm still not sure if I want to live but I better make that decision soon and live with full attention, motivation and try to let go of my past and not to regret it.

Yeah I think I’m in a good place right now. I have happiness, sadness, and worries but somehow they don’t control me, don’t stop me from living. To me this is one of the best posts you make so far. Full with insight about yourself and I really like the last paragraph

Desoxyn · Mar 21, 2021, 10:00 PM

WastingAsparagus · Mar 21, 2021, 10:13 PM

I quit my tutoring job today. I just couldn't take the variability of it. Sometimes I was tutoring 3rd graders and sometimes I was tutoring college students. I also had no say over who I was tutoring. So that caused a ton of anxiety. Anyway, hoping I can find some other work that suits me better.

12AM · Mar 21, 2021, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I quit my tutoring job today. I just couldn't take the variability of it. Sometimes I was tutoring 3rd graders and sometimes I was tutoring college students. I also had no say over who I was tutoring. So that caused a ton of anxiety. Anyway, hoping I can find some other work that suits me better.

Wow that’s a huge gap. Hope you’ll find a better one

Desoxyn · Mar 21, 2021, 11:44 PM

The Psychiatric Pipeline: 10 Agents to Watch

WastingAsparagus · Mar 22, 2021, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

The Psychiatric Pipeline: 10 Agents to Watch

What are those? Like the medical administrators, insurance companies, the pharmaceutical companies, psychiatrists themselves, and others?

Oh, oops, just realized it was a link.

Further edit: I was way off with my original supposition.

WastingAsparagus · Mar 22, 2021, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I want to start all over again in Mexico

That would be cool. I followed my dreams in 2019 and moved to Argentina, living there for 10 months.

cogladaid · Mar 22, 2021, 11:04 AM

Tapatalk ain’t loading the forum booo.

I’m annoyed today because I haven’t heard from the psychiatrist yet. It’s been like a month. Dumb.

Otherwise I’m working slowly and trying to gather my emotions to piece together how I feel so I can tell my doctor when I talk to him later.

Then meeting at the bank. Lovely.

WastingAsparagus · Mar 22, 2021, 12:16 PM

I am doing well today - just doing some creative writing. Gotta check also if there's any translation work coming in, but other than that my day is pretty free.

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2021, 01:00 PM

Saw T on Saturday. T said I am numb a lot. Yeah that's probably true. Wonder if I will thaw out and have multi-colored feelings?

Blue_Bird · Mar 22, 2021, 01:02 PM

I have a lot to be grateful for, reminding myself of that seems to help my depression a bit

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2021, 01:13 PM

I laid down on the floor of my office, which unfortunately is tile. I was just feeling tired and wanted to lay down. Of course the project manager walked in and saw me on the floor and was like, did you fall down? I was like no, I'm er, um, stretching. Any other time and I wouldn't have seen anyone for hours.

Sometimes psychotic · Mar 22, 2021, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I laid down on the floor of my office, which unfortunately is tile. I was just feeling tired and wanted to lay down. Of course the project manager walked in and saw me on the floor and was like, did you fall down? I was like no, I'm er, um, stretching. Any other time and I wouldn't have seen anyone for hours.

I had a pillow for the floor when I had an office to myself. Occasionally I would rest under the desk. I never did that before psychosis though.

Blue_Bird · Mar 22, 2021, 02:09 PM

I’m going to my sisters house to sleepover this weekend

cogladaid · Mar 22, 2021, 02:28 PM

I’ve been chatting with my friends all day instead of working. They’re trying to get their work done and I feel I’m annoying them. But I feel I have to chat. So much to say but also idk what to talk about. The urge is there.

So is the obsessive thinking.

I woke up this morning feeling amazing because it’s spring. I just feel really good now it’s spring.

My mood feels great but my thoughts feel blocked. Boo.

Desoxyn · Mar 22, 2021, 02:30 PM

I see the psychiatrist in 90 minute =/

Erti · Mar 22, 2021, 02:46 PM

Laundry is never done. Dishes are never done... I hate to imagine 3 kids coming back. It's getting closer. The judge was mad at the social worker on our case because it took 9 months to get the dv assessment for the parents. They got their marijuana card... kept the house clean for the most part. did a psychological evaluation... drug test only came positive for marijuana. In counseling, have a case manager and a psych doctor that sees all of us. They bring food pantries to us every week or so. They helped up a lot. Down stairs is basically my room with my 58 inch tv and plan on sharing the tv with the kids... we have Disney Plus for the kid. The kids will take the bigger room. Inspection was good and was glad how far we came a long in the house.

I've been very anxious on the stuff that was going on. Keeping up with what to do... using my phone to help get reminders on calling and seeing if they have to drop that day. drug test is spontaneous on weather you got to go or not. I saw the kids the first time in person since July last year. They missed me and especially the parents. They cried when we had to leave. lol one of them broke the glass on the frame of a picture I did for him and he cried because he broke it. I gave him a hug and told him it's ok we'll get you another frame. The youngest liked the picture and said she'll keep it in her room to help her sleep. Even the oldest like the picture I drew for him too.

Hopefully they come home soon.

cogladaid · Mar 22, 2021, 04:00 PM

Talked to my doctor. Stay on the same course for now. I’m so impatient I wish for miracle cures to make me better.

He says if the obsessive intrusive thinking continues into next week we can adjust meds again.

I’m just so chatty and I’m annoying myself. Some days it’s hard to focus on work.

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2021, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

Some days it’s hard to focus on work.

Ditto.....

Erti · Mar 22, 2021, 04:04 PM

Today is a bright sunny day. It would be great to take the kids to the park.

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2021, 04:41 PM

It's sunny here too but it's windy. I wanted to take a walk after work but I don't like walking in the wind.

Erti · Mar 22, 2021, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

It's sunny here too but it's windy. I wanted to take a walk after work but I don't like walking in the wind.

It's not really windy here. It's like not too warm not too cold.

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2021, 04:44 PM

Just got my taxes finished. I'm getting a refund! Not a huge one but still something.

Desoxyn · Mar 22, 2021, 05:10 PM

Saw my psychiatrist. I felt a little anxious - I think it was cuz of the weed yesterday. I mentioned that I'm doing well/have a greater improved quality of life on the olanzepine and Vyvanse. He prescribed a years worth of Invega Trinza, 5-10mg of Dexedrine in the evening and a refill of olanzepine 10mg.

I mentioned that I might move to the Island in 1-2 years and he said that he would help me with the disability transfer papers etc.. I said that I'd like to keep my meds the same as much as possible for longer so they don't change them when I move.

I said that I'm not dependent on the phenibut anymore and I'll stop taking it eventually. Because of the mild anxiety though (From the weed), I took some just now so I can be calm when I explain to my mom about the appointment. My mom and sister are worried about my apathy because I wasn't enjoying skiing and waiting in the car sometimes - I mentioned this to the psychiatrist.

I said that my negative symptoms are good apart from the apathy/anhedonia but I'm ok with it - I shower every second day or every day, do hygiene and chores every day and that I'm happy now that I'm back at work part time. I said that I want to go to school and study general courses. He said that he doesn't want my mental illness to get in the way of my life and being able to do anything I want.

I see my doctor on Wednesday and he'll prescribe atenolol, zopiclone, clonazepam and PRN. I still have 2 weeks worth of Vyvanse so I'll see him for a check up two weeks later after that - But when I see him, he'll give me the results of my new blood test which I'm sure is ok.

^-;

Menu

Roll Call 181

My Support Forums