Roll Call 181

I really need to start getting some exercise. I’m so unmotivated though. Idk maybe I’ll start taking long walks again. And maybe start using my 8lb weights again.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

LMAO. Outside of PG-13 land ...

I shouldn’t be exhausted and I am

I attribute it to this mornings arguing with fiancé over me not getting my oil changed

Arguing is mentally exhausting, I don't blame you.

I took this one online quiz for bipolar and answered yes to everything and it's like 'bipolar negative'.

****ing crock of ****.

I think Klonopin is causing my depression.

It's possible. Just don't quit cold turkey.

*generic commercial music plays* TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Do as I say, not as I do, guys!

Yeah I highly dislike the advice to talk to my doctor, lol, but it's true.

All of that means you're right.

I need more help.

Everybody says that caffeine can cause mania. I think that's not true for everyone. In fact, I think caffeine helps me focus like a normal person. Doesn't make me hyper. I drank coffee and am drinking a Monster and I already feel more focused.

My sister has ADHD and she used to drink copious amounts of Pepsi to focus before she was diagnosed.

I don't feel I have ADHD but like what if I do??

Yeah, sorry it's best not to mess with medication without a doctor. I'm a hypocrite and I sound cheesy, it's true.

No it's all good. I understand.

I drink extreme amounts of coffee. I think I may have ADHD to some extent.

Yeah, one of my RL friends drinks A LOT of coffee and her doctor agrees with her and thinks she has ADHD and put her on some meds.

... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY...

Talk to your doctor!

Mwhahahaha.

I wish you guys had a doctor like mine. He's so chill and nice and LISTENS.

Good thing I'm seeing mine on Tuesday. She's the new psychiatrist. So she actually does listen, luckily. Ha

Old psychiatrist didn't listen worth a ****.

Like I said, I think my doctor is going to be disappointed or concerned when I talk to him on Monday. I just... UGH. I don't trust the meds. I think they're poison. I know it doesn't make sense. I can't shake it.

The internet says I'm psychotic. The internet says I'm manic. The internet also says I don't have bipolar. The internet doesn't believe you can control the world with your mind. The internet says a lot of things.

I hope when I finally get to talk to the psychiatrist it's not the same one I talked to before. She's a dismissive *****.

What is it with psychiatrists??

I think the meds are poison but I won't flush them down the toilet because I learned that that's bad for the environment and water system. I don't want to poison fish or the water supply.

Back in like 2014 I flushed risperidone down the toilet because they were poison. I feel bad for that. Hurting the environment like that.

It feels freeing to let all this out. I've written some of it down in scribble messes but I feel so hyper aware and no one really understands. They'd have me locked up for sure if I said all this.

Rant rant rant.

I feel safe talking here. I don't want to talk on another forum or page or anyone else. You guys get it.

Everyone so busy busy busy busy.

Busy with my thoughts, that is.

I have flushed meds down the toilet and put them in the garbage before on multiple occasions. 99% would not recommend.