Roll Call 182

I’m burnt out on life right now

Ugh therapy today

Not looking forward to it. Just cuz I don’t really wanna address anything at all, but i need to. It’s gonna be so uncomfortable for me today.

I’m burnt out on both gaming and writing

Sounds like you might be a bit depressed. Losing interest on hobbies.

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Yea I think I am. Lots of emotional stuff going on for me right now. And I’m not particularly happy about going to therapy today.

I feel amazing.

Took about an hour to cut my hair--that was Wednesday--and then two hours to highlight my hair--that was Saturday.

Finally got to go back to Church in person. Just we had to meet outside, social distance and wear masks. It was hot though.

Nice SK! Nice to put a face to the posts!!!

Today is officially a slacking day! I have to work later but this morning is dedicated to slacking

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Heh feel that. I’ve barely gotten any work done so far today so distracted.

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I’m so distracted working. I got some work done but just keep chatting and hyper.

I had lunch but I feel guilty for it... it wasn’t even that much.

But I have to go go go.

Doctor call at 330pm.

I feel fine today. Removed myself from the schedule from work. I decided I'm not gonna do that job, finally. It is too much stress. Ha. Oh well.

Also the company I was doing proofreading for is terrible. They don't know how to write for their lives. They are also asking me to make revisions to what I edited. The audacity they have is amazing. Their text was 100% terrible. I improved it to 25% terrible. So, now they are asking me to put it back to like 75% terrible. Unbelievable. I am just venting. So feel free to ignore.

My first complete sketch, bird looks like he’s sleep deprived 😂

The nurse called and scheduled my first abilify injection for next week

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I feel like I have a band around my head of electromagnetic energy and it's seeping out through my eyes. Possible dissociation and headache.

Edit: No but I'm good - Had a great sleep. Now I just need to focus.

I feel super needy.

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HUGS cogladaid

It’s such a relief that I’m not gonna have to take many pills anymore. Getting the shot will cut out 5 pills from my daily meds. Then all I’ll have to take is the Zoloft and trileptal. Maybe I could get off the trileptal too.

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Dis meeeeeee

Therapy went well but it was so completely uncomfortable

Beautifully well slept - I feel really good. Gonna read for an hour then research crypto. Then I'll make a list of things 2 do.

I can feel the Invega Trinza I think.. or it could be olanzepine but there's zero psychosis, no dissociation or anxiety/depression.. I feel quite content.

Oh man, I had a panic attack walking to the store and back and I was having trouble walking because of it. It’s like my feet wouldn’t move where I wanted them too so I like walked/shuffled kind of awkwardly there and back.

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I talked to my doctor. Told him everything. Told him I thought the pharmacy was poisoning me and the meds were poison and I stopped taking them, feeling chatty and hyper and not sleeping well, the eating disorder stuff. That I’m exhausted and feel like a bother and sick of waiting for the ****ing psychiatrist.

He seemed worried about me. He reassured me several times that they meds weren’t poison and asked that I take them again. Not just the Latuda and lithium that I was taking, but also the Abilify that I stopped a few weeks ago. Most important that I take the Latuda and Abilify.

He also said he’s going to contact the psychiatrist straight away see what’s up.

I just... I trust him. If he says the meds aren’t poison then I’ll try to take them. He reassured me 100% that they aren’t poison. So I’m going to take him at his word. He’s a professional that I trust. He thanked me for trusting him.

So he’s going to call me again on Thursday see how I’m doing. Hopefully I feel better. I’m sick of feeling like this.

People who romanticize bipolar can ****ing suck it. This isn’t pretty. This sucks. It’s horrible.

Anyway, since I trust him I will take the meds. Try my best anyway.