Roll Call 187

I’m going to see if my friend wants to go see the new Halloween movie next month. It comes out October 15th, we saw the last one in the theater together in 2018. I’m excited about it. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. It was supposed to be released last year and then of obviously was postponed to be released this October due to Covid. They filmed it and it’s been done for well over a year, they just didn’t want to release it until they could release it in the theater. If that changes they’ll release it via some streaming service and if that happens then I’ll wait for the DVD to come out and buy it.

I’m also planning on getting a haircut and my eyebrows done next month. I really need a haircut. I haven’t gotten one in well over a year.

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I’m officially off the perphenazine! I stopped last night (my psychiatrist said I could if I wanted to). So I’ll give that a week or so for me to adjust then I’ll stop the Thorazine, which I also have permission to stop.

Then I’ll just be on

Abilify Maintena injections
Trileptal
Zoloft
Wellbutrin

And I’ll probably stay on that.

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My T, Dr. K suggested I have too much stress. I'm trying to decide if that's so.

For me anxiety magnifies stress...like every little thing can set it off...idk if you have your anxiety under control?

Last week I would have said my anxiety wasn't under control but this week I feel like it is doing okay. He was just saying like stress leads to negative mental health outcomes and maybe I shouldn't be working and stuff like that. Dude. This is the real world. I have a car to pay for and insurance to pay for and health care to pay for. Not that I don't appreciate a day off now and again (mental health days whoo hoo!) but I think I do okay working and all. It's not like my job is terribly difficult. It might be too easy. I wonder if that could cause stress?

I got hungry so I am noshing on some goldfish crackers!

Omg I would dump that T. Work is so important, not just for money but also fitting in with the rest of the world.

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Right?!! If it weren't for work, and maybe Church I would never shower or change my clothes. It's bad enough I wear the same pair of jeans for like two weeks straight (but at least you can't really tell). I look forward to the day I can retire when I'm old but for now work helps me stay in a routine at least.

I'm gonna post something here - do you guys think it is better to freelance or be in a structured job environment? Those are basically my two options right now for my trade. I am leaning towards wanting to be in a structured job environment, but I am not sure if I can handle it. On the other hand, however, I haven't had a job in a while that I've been able to keep.

So the kids have a mental health counselor for the three older kid. she and I had a discussion about the school. Apparently the teachers there are mean… not allowed to talk in lunch time and don’t give enough food for lunch for the kids. My roommates daughter when the counselor visited her at the school said she only ate 2 hard boiled eggs. I told their parents about it and we may be packing a lunch for the three of them. It’s ridiculous because the school in a low income area sometimes other kids don’t get to eat at home… they only get to eat at school. I mean roommates kids aren’t starving but not eating through out the day at school how are they supposed to concentrate and learn and take in what they’re suppose to be learning? It’s ********.

Heya everyone, things are going okay, I move into my new place on the 2nd. Rent is super low and its nice. Landlord wants me to do some work for him too so I hope this is a chance to prove myself. I'll be rolling out the red carpet treatment haha.

I'm planning a blog post for saturday and I really have deep read anything in months, hopefully i get the motivation to read a psychology book.

I took my short story from 33 pages to 60 pages. Yay! I need to work on the ending more, I want to do some language stuff to it, have the character draw upon ancient symbols somehow, but I haven't quite figured it out, possibily because I don't know much about linguistics really.

SP intersting that reading reduces stress that much. = )

I’m interested in linguistics and semantics!

How dare they decrease my dopamine

Why iam unable to put my thoughts into actions in life?

"This happens a lot, and to everyone.

It is because too much weightage is given to that thing that you are thinking about. When you do that, it seems hugely important, as if it’s a ‘ride or die’ thing, which results in a huge amount of self-imposed-pressure, and sucks the fun juicy part out of the deal.

This is why.

Don’t let that thinking take the power from you.

Here's a tip, start doing that thing for short intervals of time. Like ridiculously short; say start doing that thing for five minutes first, then ten minutes after a nice break and so on. And before you know it, you will have overcome the beginner’s fear.

Hope it helps."

"It’s like a superb business vision. Richly filled with potentials, ideas and creativity. And has the strong ability to influence other people. If fully invested in it, the INFP can make that powerful daydream into a tangible existence.

But reality slowly settles in, it becomes a huge tedious process as there are marketing, risk factors, profit, labor, resources, equity, investment, market shares, import/export, retailing, management, customer service and on and on and on.

By the time INFPs come to understanding with how it works, they either give up (because it becomes more laborious than enjoyment), place it on hold (possibly indefinitely until the spark returns) or already onto another business vision, imagining another great plan (tendency to have a huge variety of interest).

One important strategy is to set concrete goals, preferably develop a routine and have a monthly or weekly deadline. In addition, use reinforcement (give yourself ice cream) and punishment (no TV shows) to strengthen/weaken behaviors.

INFP often have grandiose life-changing visions, but lack the effort to persevere through due to the expectations needed to attain it."

"Yes, there is a relationship… kind of… I’ve spoken to quite a few INFPs who believe they have ADHD/ADD or have been officially diagnosed by a doctor and are medicated for it. (Whether this is necessary or not I won’t get into in this post.)

Many people who have dominant extroverted intuition (Ne) or auxiliary extroverted intuition In their cognitive stack can feel like, and come across to others as having ADD. Ne is a perceiving function that is by nature gathering information constantly— It doesn’t rest! Ne users are often entranced by this process — so much so that they can appear out of it, or disinterested (particularly in an academic setting). Teachers often think these students are daydreaming; however, are often surprised when the apparently inattentive student answers the teacher’s question perfectly because Ne can pay attention to many things at the same time. It’s a really cool super power. Unfortunately it’s difficult for Ne users to rein it in as it’s got a great deal of strength. I equate it to a beagle who is compelled to follow its nose wherever it may lead...

As the Ne users get older, they gain facility and balance with the other functions which makes being focused easier for them.

These are the 4 types that use Extroverted Intuition (Ne) in their dominant or auxiliary functions. I’ve listed the types that can often outwardly manifest ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) symptoms from most to least:
ENTP, ENFP, INTP, INFP."

Sorry for the spam..

I think dissociation is like a reaction of the brain to collect thoughts and images to escape from trauma.. Like daydreaming, having extra thoughts - And when you believe the escape to be real and can't journey back to this realm, - That's psychosis.

I listened to a podcast - I probably shouldn't have shared it with people that have schizophrenia but the reason I did is because they wouldn't be as affected by it as me. It's the craziest podcast I've listened to... About Ayahuasca, healing, shared hallucinations, higher dimensional realms, not having a physical body and spirituality.

I was explaining it to my mom and she got concerned. I was talking like how my dad talks. I think my dad has a form of borderline psychosis all of the time. I can't help it that I act certain ways when I'm excited but also terrified of out there information like this.. JunkDNA said that I shouldn't listen to Terence Mckenna etc too much because it mess me up - And it's true..

Y'know how everyones schizophrenia is different because we're all different people? Like we have different hallucinations would be an example.. - Psychosis has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING - Because trauma and peoples types of karma determines which realm you end up in. Genes seem to cause a similar reality though.. I watched a JBP podcast with Eric Weinstein and they were debating genetics, evolution, society/groups of people.. It was the most hard to grasp conversation I've heard as well (This was 2-3 weeks ago)..

It seems like everything that I learn, I get triggered by it. It makes me think that I'm not supposed to be in this reality. The podcast was talking about the 9 layers of reality (We're in the 3rd) and how - without a body, anything that you think of appears before your eyes.. I have this sometimes when I close my eyes before going to sleep. I like to see closed eye visual (CEV) hallucinations related to and after every thought that I think about and it's a form of mediation.

I'm gonna just dip myself into information like this only sometimes and listen to JunkDNA, stay ignorant of too much about the spirit world and enjoy what I have.. I don't think that writing this would trigger anyone because I don't believe that anyone would think about it as deeply as I do.

Going grocery shopping later

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It’s 66 degrees out this morning at 6:30am while the sun is rising. Omg so chilly! Fall vibes Forreal!

I kinda wanna a Pumpkin Spice Latte this morning!

I'm getting pumpkin spice coffee creamer and pumpkin spice donuts when I go grocery shopping today

On the bus, this is the first time I’ve been on the bus in like 2 months. Anxious a bit

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I couldn’t find pumpkin spice creamer so I just got hazelnut. And I also couldn’t find pumpkin spice donuts but I got a thing of apple cider cake donuts

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I didnt get PSL. I don’t have money and fiance said no cuz it’s not in our budget.

Having horrendous acid reflux. And coughing. I can’t wait till the 16th when I get to talk to my doctor to get back on meds. 1 more week

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