Roll Call 189

Yeah I think I'm getting a medium pizza w/ Italian sausage, jalapeno peppers, and pepperoni, and some buffalo wings Friday

I never normally get takeout this often but I haven't felt up to going to the grocery store lately. I'll probably go next Wednesday

I'm hoping for a good solid 6 months of stability

I got a card from the Jury Duty people saying I am permanently excused from jury duty and if I ever get a summons to send them a copy of the summons and the card. Yeah. At least having Sz is good for something. No jury duty for me.

My boss was like, I wish MY doctor would write me a note to get out of jury duty.

I just looked at him.

In my head I was thinking you would rather have jury duty than all these voices and crap that are in my head! Stupid moron.

And said boss knows I have hallucinations.

I ordered my niece the 4 y.o. some valentine's leggings and a dress for Valentine's from Dot Dot Smile. It feels good to spoil her.

Hallucinations....hallucinations....hallucinations. Maybe I should take an Olanzapine.

It's possible.. cuz dxm is a "dissociative drug". But many of us have done stupid things like that at that age so don't worry.

Dxm was the first drug where I was like "I've discovered the meaning of life" (It was the universe I guess.. But life was what I said - while staring into space), and "No one will ever believe me" - Then it has been built upon about 100 thousand times. Maybe 300 thousand.

My dreams are pretty wild. While I was acting out my dreams, I felt incredibly good - You could say, hypomania. Due to phenibut likely.

I need to help my dad with his liver and weight. He thinks that health food supplements would help - But I think he's far past that. I have a summary of the fasting book that I was reading - I'm going to read it on the tablet part of my phone.

I also have some videos to watch - About corruption. My dad is talking to his conspiracy theorist friend (He's fried from 40 years of weed etc).

I drank a coffee with mushroom blend (Lions Mane). I'm gonna buy some mushroom products online and drink/eat them every morning to improve focus, memory etc, along with the psilocybin 3-4 times a month.

Getting these winter boots so I can walk in the snow and ice etc easier. It hasn't snowed much yet this year though, we've just had flurries now and then. I live in upstate NY, so it's very unusual that it's barely snowed by this time of year. And it's not super cold either. It's in the 30's Fahrenheit This time a few years ago we had over two feet of snow, that's what we normally get, we normally get a lot. It's due to global warming, it's screwed up the weather so much.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...RIL9G9S2&psc=1

Those are nice, Blue_Bird!

It's supposed to rain a lot here tomorrow. Looking forward to wearing my duck boots.

I feel amazing

Me too We're gonna rULe tHe WOrLd

Make sure you get enough sleep - I sleep lots. Take your meds - I take always.

Holyyy ****. My parents fighting. We're all messed up and need therapy.

I don't even have the energy to explain. It goes so deep and it's so complex that we're all just like "ffuuk". My mom goes into the kitchen, takes a bottle of wine and brings it to her room.

But we all love each other as a family.

It's so much nonsense. My parents are traumatized. My sister feels bad that I have to deal with this stuff and that she moved out.

My dad is only visiting for the holidays - He came here for me. He questions the way my mom shouts my name, me, wanting to be independent, the control, the karma, my grandmother (My dads mom) that broke up my parents marriage.

My grandmother on my dads side is an evil twisted *****.

My mom is very strong, holding it all together. But in denial. She knows that.. and is a feminist. My dad has money, but is alone, working in the mine all his life and his parents traumatized him - He had to leave too.

It's a real strain on my brain, talking philosophically to my sister on the phone. This is why human cognition evolved to be so intelligent - Cuz of the social complexity.

I talk about politics, the schizophrenia label - That I should be treated like anyone else now... I needed help - But holy ****.. My moms ex sure didn't help. The level at which my awareness appears in the moment is just slightly above this world that allows me to handle everything and keep sane. It's like God is testing me - I try so hard. We all do, mostly everyone in this life. It's hard. Not easy one bit.

But I'm sleep tomorrow will be OK. My mom will go to work and have a **** day probably but time will pass and things will get better. It doesn't help that we're in a plandemic and in society or empire collapse of civilization.

Horoscope;

28th: "Your head and your heart will be pulling in different directions over the next 24 hours but if you are smart you will find ways to satisfy both your intellectual and emotional needs. Block off periods of time when you focus exclusively on one or the other."

29th: "You will be subjected to nasty talk, which you must rise above in order to prevent squabbles. It might be a good idea to take a vacation from the turmoil going on around you. Admit it for your own good."

I'm wondering when I'll ever get the courage to change my coil. I've been using the same one ever since I started using the Cleito tank. I'm dying of thirst. I'll make a diet lemonade. Hope everyone is ok.

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My psychiatrist is having me come off the chlorpromazine (Thorazine) to see how I sleep without it. And then next time we meet in a month from now we’re going to start tapering me off the oxcarbazepine (trileptal) since she thinks the abilify shot I’m on is a good enough mood stabilizer.

Hope it goes well for you Blue_Bird.

Getting depressed about the state of the world, and my place in it.


And eating fudge.

I want some fudge, it's so good. There's so many different types

Getting these things for the cat. Some toys, a scratching post, a carrier so I can take her to the vet, and a 2 pack of cute pink breakaway collars.

Nice, Blue_Bird!


Both Amelia and Helen have to wear dog collars because they won't keep cat collars on!

Anyone watched Agatha Raisin? It's a cute, funky, quirky little detective show not from the U.S. I found it on Acorn TV and watched an episode last night. It was pretty entertaining.

Tonight I have aftercare. UGH. I'm tired and I don't want to show up. (It's via Zoom!) But I need to stay active in order to keep going so I gotta make myself go.

Just in case anyone gets worried, if you don't see me post for a few days, it's because I have tomorrow off and then it's the weekend. I should be back around on Monday. Happy New Year everyone ! I hope everyone is happy and safe this New Year!