Roll Call 194

Even me, weed was a tricky one.. I smoked it so many times and each time = Panic attack (This happened 30+ times. This was in 2016-2017). I stopped trying for a while and then used CBD, smoked really really small amounts.. and eased myself into it.

I remember in 2019-2020, sitting outside at night (In the AM's), smoking Sativa (The stimulating strain), thinking all sorts of thoughts and ideas, listening to philosophical podcasts... Tears pouring down my face, from my eyes like crazy, beautiful.

I tried smoking with friends in 2018 (After the whole research chemical thing).. and I still got peer pressured (I always peer pressured MYSELF, "Can I have a line? ^-;" etc..) and got a panic attack each time..

As long as you are in a good environment, with good, caring people..

Just be safe, research and take in all information as you can - Then make the decision. It's always 100% okay to NOT smoke it.. You're not missing out. It's good to experiment but sometimes it can go wrong - Especially with schizophrenia and anxiety. If you do, start small (One small toke).

Fun, exploring the mind, thinking of new solutions to problems, euphoria, escape, sharing experiences of life - Have an intention =] Many reasons as to why people do anything.. anything at all.. And we all die one daaay. Remember.

Weed is a depressant, stimulant, hallucinogen, dissociative and pain killer all in one - It doesn't really interact with meds (But I'd talk with a medical professional first just in case). Peace, love. Bring potato chips or pizza.

Also, weed is notorious for DP/DR (Dissociation). It hasn't done that to me but 99% of people, it makes it worse. So just thought I'd add that.

Thank you Desoxyn, really appreciate this reply. I may try just one hit and see how it goes. I will be at my sisters house whenever I decide to do it, so I will be in a safe place with good people.

The first time I smoked weed it was something called Chronic, whatever it was it knocked me on my *** literally. But it wasn't a bad experience per se, just wasn't expecting that. But whatever I smoked after that wasn't like that at all. I know all the strains and stuff are different though.

I'll ask a doctor first to make sure it is okay, then I will see how it goes. If it goes bad I won't do it again

My awareness has become amplified to max. And so.. I drink the soul eating spirit.

But I was told that I have a "pure soul" - So I Googled it;

11 Positive Signs That Reveal You Have an Empathetic Pure Soul -The Power of Silence

I agree (I think?). I always said that I'm a "new soul" (Not an "old soul" like my little sister). I'm OK with it.

This is one of the new shirts I got the other day, wearing it today

There's a breakfast/tenants meeting tomorrow so I'm going to that. Then on the 1st there's an ice cream social in the community room so I signed up to go to that

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Just going to throw this out there….where you live now is probably better than section 8….they don’t have all this fun stuff.

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Super Cute Blue_Bird! I love Mickey/Minnie Mouse!

Nope, I haven't listened to the Harry Potter series. I wasn't allowed to read the books when they came out. My parents were against them. So I have never read the series or seen the movies, or listened to the books. I do like the Name of the Wind. I haven't listened to it but I have that book and I read it.

T got in a car accident yesterday or last night. She is okay. I guess it was minor. She's okay but her car isn't. She thinks she hit a big rock or something. She lives in the mountains. So she sent me a bunch of texts (3) saying all sorts of random information. She doesn't think she can make my session tonight at 6 PM. Maybe we could talk later than that. She she said maybe Thursday at 5 PM (interferes with Aftercare). Then she said she couldn't do Thursday at 5 afterall. Then she said maybe this weekend. But never actually settling down on a day and time. So I don't know what is up with that. I'm glad she is okay though.

I got 3 more tshirts and a pair of sweatpants today. One of the shirts has Stitch on it from Lilo and Stitch, the other two are solid color shirts.

I like Stitch

I'm getting tired. It is only 11:20 AM. But I woke up at 2 AM (migraine) and couldn't get back to sleep.

I think you're doing incredibly well! I haven't seen 160s on a scale since 2005!


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I'm sorry you are losing the doc you've been with for so long. I hope the new one will be ok.

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Nice to see you around, Angelique! How have you been? HUG Kit

Thank you, Kit! I'm ok I guess. Constantly forgetting things. But the snacks my relative sent included some Ritz Bits Cheese, and I am definitely looking forward to that! I also have at least a new pack of fig newtons, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate bars, and some other things.

I hope you're well, and everyone else.

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The snacks sound awesome. Lately I have been eating mozzarella cheese sticks for a snack. But the fig newtons sound pretty awesome.

I'm glad you are doing okay. I am having a bum day but I guess overall I am probably okay too. My T texted me today and told me I am not fine but I will be okay. Whatever that means!

Hey everyone, I am grieving. I had transference with my T and now I have to see another T. It's such an awful feeling. I literally cried like a baby over the weekend because I shared such traumatic memories and stuff and all the other stuff with this T I developed transference for. Anyway, I hope this new T will be able to help me. That was why I was a little depressed about therapy the last few days. And gone from this site. I super wish that did not happen. I guess at least I was honest enough to bring it up. Ugh.

HUGS WA, Hugs

Looks like I'll be taking some sarcosine as well. Ha. I need some motivation about now.

I also just bought a ton of paper so I'll be writing a ton.

I had a shower tonight which is no biggie really I have a routine I’m sticking to regularly showering so it’s fine.

Anyway I washed my face before hand. Brought out the fancy cleanser and the battery powered exfoliator and washed my face.

It’s been a while since I’ve done that. Properly washed my face. It’s gross and I’ve been breaking out with acne a lot lately.

After washing face and showering I put on face cream and toner. Been a while since I’ve been through this routine.

And I brushed my teeth. I’ve had trouble consistently brushing my teeth.

Now I’m hoping I have the energy to wash my face in the morning and put on more toner and cream and brush my teeth again.

I want to have healthy routines again. Get back to a good normal. Maybe when I conquer hygiene I can start with working out again.

And then also back to school. It wasn’t going well with how I was mentally so I’m on break. It’s an open ended university so it’s no biggie but sooner you start the sooner you finish.

And crocheting. I want to finish my blanket i was working on.

That sounds like a lot. I feel I’ve been barely holding on these past couple years. I’m trying to get back to myself.

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Don't know if I'm happy or sad. But at least anhedonia is cured.

Cogladaid, that’s awesome that you did all that!

I know it’s difficult to keep up with hygiene and routines and stuff like that. I’ve struggled with it a long time too and am trying to keep up with it as well

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