Roll Call 194

Did everyone have a good weekend?

I gave blood this weekend. And I went to get my Tattoo. And I went to Church. And I went with my parents to Olive Garden. And I took my parents to see Minions: Rise of Gru!

Sounds awesome! I hope you enjoy your tattoo, I have 3 and want to get some more eventually. I know yours has a lot of meaning for you

My London travel guidebook came today, it's really cool

I emailed the admissions office at my college to see what to do about getting re-admitted/enrolled and if I'm eligible, so I'm waiting to hear back from them. Sent the email like an hour and half ago so it will be sometime today or tomorrow I hear from them probably

Awesome!!!!!

Crossing my fingers!

My therapist has Covid so she texted me last night saying that she couldn't do a session tonight with me. I'm kind of bummed because it isn't the best time but I just need to practice my coping skills! At least I had not Zelled her the copay yet. Also I am concerned about her because we do telehealth, so she must really not be feeling well if she had to cancel!

I got the Invega injection that I didn't want to take. I didn't say anything or talk to my doctor that gave me the shot - It was just injection, and then I left.

He's helped me more than any other professional in my treatment team - He made me realize that life is just life - And that I don't have to think so deeply about it.. But I've been seeing another doctor so maybe he thinks I don't like him - He did put me down a lot but it really helped.

I'm in a bad state of mind - I think people when I'm on the street whisper bad things to me. Little paranoia.. But I don't care at all - It's been like this.. since when wanting to hit that guy with the plastic shovel, and the video chat people, putting me down.

I contacted my dark net market friend - He didn't reply. Idk why he told me everything about the process of being the biggest dark net dealer in my country, then stopped talking. He helped me a lot but he was being narcissistic.

And also, I have a friend that my dad says not to talk to (He's always doing speed and writing manic pages that Idk why I'm reading them). He is lonely, really smart.. But Idk why I talk to these people. I feel so alone.

I always feel good at night - Even though I'm sad/depressed. In the morning, I feel bad with brain fog.. And it takes me the whole day to fully wake up. I don't care if I die. I procrastinate, can't start things - I don't see the point. But I'll continue - Eventually I'll feel good again..

This is all a dream to me.

Sorry about your T

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Hugs desoxyn…

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Cleaning to the point where it’s messier before it gets better…

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Ugh. I hate that part of cleaning! But it will get done and look great! Kudos to you!

Have a headache. Ugh.

I sometimes get headaches and coffee usually helps me. And Motrin.

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Hi Angelique!!

I am pretty sure it is a migraine. I just took some sumatriptan. I am drinking soda which has caffeine but when I get off of work, if I still have this headache, I am going to get me an iced coffee.

How you been?

I am doing fine today. Talked to someone in the career path I want to do. Waiting for a phone call from my psychiatrist.

I need coffee but I have none at my house.

Starbucks time!

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Iced coffee sounds wonderful. I'm the same as always I think. But my teeth are killing me. I have to get to the dentist asap. It's been since 2013 or more that this has been happening. Other day to day I just binge watch things and listen to podcasts. It's a huge waste of time. But it's very hard to do things here.

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Because the lithium was causing me trouble and I got a rash while I was on lamotrigine (and got COVID at the same time as that) doctor has referred me to the psychiatrist and an allergist. It could have been COVID for the rash, but it could have been lamotrigine. Or could have been Advil.

Anyway I talk to the psychiatrist tomorrow. Allergist next month. Gastro doc next month as well (make sure my celiac is still in control and my gut is working good). Then CT scan on neck (make sure everything is still okay where I had that lump removed) and abdomen (because my liver numbers are off still) end of next month.

Had another blood test today to check how my liver is doing.

I’m so sick of all this and I’m worried it’s something really bad.

Since I stopped drinking and eating so bad I’ve lost like 20lbs which is good. But my liver numbers still aren’t great. They told me I have a fatty liver and I’m trying to do what they say to do (black coffee, low fat, no alcohol) but idk if it’s working or something is seriously wrong with me.

I’m realizing I’ve really let myself go during the last couple years in the pandemic. I thought I was just off mentally but I’ve ****ed up myself physically as well.

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Sorry all this is happening cog. Ask about statins for the fatty liver they can help.

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A light moodstabilizer I use is Trilipatal, side effects are pretty agreeable. No weightgain, no rash, dont have to take tests to check on the liver. I hope you find a mood stabilzer that works for you, Cog!
Hiya friends,

I talk to my therapist tomorrow I have a lot to talk about, especially since it's been 5 weeks since last time I talked to him. I've been doing so-so. Work is hectic, I need to find a new job but I feel hopeless every time i sit down to look for anything I might be qualified for. Everything is business this, or underqualified that. Maybe I should hit the books, and work on my grammar and punctuation so i could be a copy editor? I definitely need to work on my resume. I have a type cover.

My reading group is tackling my favorite book, so Im helping people understand it. It's very rewarding. I wish I could do this stuff more often. It's very time consuming though.

I think benzo's are messing with my cognition. I'm definitely having trouble stringing long sentences and/or multiple sentences together. Unacceptable! haha I see my pdoc on the 22nd, so hopefully we can find a way to get off it while keeping my sleep routine, if I can call it sleep. PTSD and sleep really mix well. I've sacrificed enough to psychiatry, this is the one thing I will not give up--the ability to read books. That's my line in the sand. Give them an inch and they'll make you a numb, dribbling, zombie.

Tried twitter agan for a 4 month trial run, I changed, but man, I met some deranged people. After I saw one woman talk about dipping a man in acid, saw how many people liked it, I said enough. That place is crazy town. What madness.

On page 134 of my book. Still not going to publish it, at least for another year.

Newtus, are you working on a project these days?

Try fish oil for cognition, I went from forgetting where I parked and constantly needing a notebook to getting a masters with a four point so far.

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Hiya, SP! = ) I've been using fishoil for a very long time now, over a year and it's not cutting it. long-term benzo can cause a learning disability because it damages neurons. So, I need to get off it. Hopefully the damage isn't too bad... I hope it isn't the doxepin, that's been the only med that has given me sleep stability.