Roll Call 194

I’m waiting for my blood test results to be relayed by my doctor so I’m keeping my phone on me at all times and he hasn’t called so far today and I’m nervous and I wish he would call already.

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HUGS cogladaid! Waiting for the doctor to call sucks! I hope you hear from him soon!

It’s already after 430pm. I don’t think he’s going to call today.

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Well I responded to my T. I was as open with her as I could be. Now I have to wait for a response from her. That's the only bad thing about this form of communication. At least tonight I should be able to chill and hopefully get a little extra rest.

I exercised today and feel a lot better. I was not feeling good earlier.

I also wrote more fiction which is exciting.

I sent my T a doordash gift card...since she is sick, she might not be up for cooking but she needs to eat. I sent it last night but she got it today. It was the same amount as my copay so I figured, why not.

Wow, that is very thoughtful of you!

Happy day ... But frustrating.

The.. procrastination.. of 100m things (As I've said, I..

I MUST do mindfulness meditation...

But first I'll sit outside in the sun - It's a really nice day. I was gonna go for a hike but felt agitated and anxious.

Fair enough I’ve never been on benzos…the only other thing I’m on is vitamin d so idk if that helps?

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Mindfulness meditation is great for me. For me, I have to have the right approach though. If I approach the meditation with a mentality of "I have to do this," the meditation isn't usually as effective. Though one might debate what "effects" the meditation ought to have. Because it's different every time. I think for me meditation is a good "barometer" of how I'm feeling every day. That's why I practice daily.

Have an appointment in an hour with the program director here today. Just to make sure I'm getting everything I need out of the housing program and from the case manager and stuff. Should be a quick appointment.

That said, I tried to meditate this morning and it did not go very well. Lol.

Appointment went well, lasted all of 5 minutes lol

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That happens to me sometimes. I used to meditate for like an hour a day. I had free year long trial to this app called balance and it had many guided meditations. They helped me a lot. I’d like to use it again but would have to buy it or pay for a subscription and don’t want to do that right now so I’m just meditating with free videos on YouTube

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Yay!!! Glad it went well!

I've done some using you tube but I'm not any good at those longer than like 10 minutes at most!

My therapist asked me if I wanted an appointment. I said only if she was up to it. (She has Covid.) I can't tonight because I have aftercare so we settled on Saturday at 6 PM.

My coworker who I have some interpersonal difficulties with told me I wasn't annoying and am a very sweet person. That made me feel good. I had to ask her for help yesterday and Friday (although she denied me the help on Friday) and so I sent her a thank you Starbucks card to her email yesterday to thank her for the help. She said that was nice but wasn't necessary. I just told her that I like to make sure that people know that I appreciate their kindnesses.

I feel restless. I’m at work in the office and getting nothing done. Sigh.

I hate feeling restless. Restless leads me to trouble. I drank a lot because I was restless. I have no outlet to rid me of this restlessness so I can focus right now.

I should try to exercise when I get home. I need to get back into good habits.

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Ugh. I dislike that restless feeling as well. I don't really have any good solutions for it. Just commiserating with you! hug! Kit

Did you get your blood work results?

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I have a pdoc appointment next week. I am worried what he is going to say when I tell him about some of my symptoms like when I think people are eating my thoughts. Ugh

Not yet. Maybe today.

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