Roll Call 195

My dentist appointment took an hour straight. Near the end when they closed the root I could smell the tooth burning and see the smoke each time they used that heated metal tool or whatever to close it.

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I’m so frustrated. I can’t eat until the numbness wears off and I haven’t eaten since before 9am, it’s going on 1:30pm now and my mouth is still numb. They said it might be sore later so to take ibuprofen if it hurts, I bought a bottle recently so that’s good. Anyway, I have to be careful with what I eat until the permanent crown is put in. Which is going to be a pain in the ***. Like I love to eat, now I have to eat things that are gentle on my teeth until that’s put in which may not be until late November. My appointment to get the impressions taken is on October 14th so they can send it to the lab for them to create the crown.

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It’s been an hour since my appointment and the numbness is starting to wear off. Making french fries. Will chew on the opposite side from where the root canal was done.

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I had to ask for an accomodation at work.

We had a Teams meeting last week with the owner of the business, the controller, and me. Last week I was just a few days out of the hospital, so still not doing great, y'know. And then today when I wanted to pay some bills the controller was all over my case because apparently I didn't do something that I was supposed to do from the meeting only IIRC no one said Kit make sure you follow up on this. I am an underling at the company. I am no one's boss. I would have thought direction like that would have come from the top but apparently not.

So I asked for an email after such meetings detailing what it is I am supposed to follow up on. I cannot control if I am having hallucinations or delusions at work and it is interfering with the meeting, plus just hearing something is not the way that I learn. I learn better when something is written down. I don't know how this will be received. But it shouldn't be a hardship on the employer. It's just a written list of things that they want me to do.

I don't think it is totally my fault. I think part of it is me. I also have ADHD but I think part of it is that they are not good communicators. This should cause a lot less stress all the way around. I hope it goes over well. I'm sick of getting in trouble for stuff that I don't even remember. It's ridiculously hard doing this and trying to manage my mental health.

I hope the accommodations help you SK

My experience is a little different but I had to have accommodations while in college, my psychiatrist requested them for me. When I was taking classes in person I would go to a testing room that was quiet , by myself and got like double the time for tests plus another half the amount of time, so I got 2 1/2 the amount of time limit for timed tests. and it helped me a lot because I get stressed sitting in a room full of people taking tests and having a limited amount of time, I have a hard time focusing when in a room full of people and start panicking and writing things down quickly just to get it over with and leave. So being by myself and having tons of extra time helps a lot.

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Thanks, Blue_Bird.

I asked for anything that is assigned to me verbally also be written down to me in an email so I don't miss stuff. I attached my psychiatrist's bill (because it lists my diagnoses) as proof of my disability even though I have shown it before. One of my bosses got back to me and said that going forward she would do that and that retroactively the boss that had the meeting on Friday with stuff I was supposed to follow up on apparently (I don't know what that stuff is) will get back to me. So it sounds like they are going to do the accommodation. They said it was reasonable. I'm still a bit peeved over the Teams meeting we had today because I feel raked over the coals a bit but I'm almost off of work so I am going to go home and do something fun and forget about all this nonsense. Until tomorrow that is. Ugh.

No drug works. I just soothe myself with depressing music. At this point. There's so much wrong with me. I feel like everything I do isn't good enough.

I said to myself while feeling good, "This is legit - Try to be like this", but when I don't feel good, it's like a delusion.. I can't snap out of it. I'm not in control of this. I'm really not.

I'll just try keep my head above water for the longest time I can possible.

lol

An Alan Watts lecture came on randomly and it's really saving me.

My sister and I are going to a museum one weekend in September when she has time off. Probably the New York State museum, should be fun.

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I went there once before but it was right before I had an event to go somewhere so we only spent like 10 or 15 minutes in there and the museum is huge. It’s awesome. I am really looking forward to going again and actually spending some time there and checking things out

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I keep



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I’m doing pretty good at the moment…just hoping the moment lasts for a while.

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Reality is so absurd that I might jump of a cliff and fly

But then what do I do..

I'm addicted to music btw. I can't stop.

I've had enough of all of this.

I’m up and it’s early so yippee!

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Music is the best! Seriously. I listen nonstop basically. But that doesn't even matter that I listen to it nonstop. It matters that music is meaningful.

Also please don't do that.

I feel like I have a special power w/ cats. Hah.

Going grocery shopping today,

That list sounds great please post if you can.

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That sounds totally reasonable SK…..

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Depressing music can actually make things worse….I actually read an article that said what I’ve believed all a,one that dance music makes you the happiest.

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Sounds super cool!

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This is what I got at the grocery store today

- [ ] Plain Greek yogurt
- [ ] cream cheese
- [ ] 5 cheese Texas toast
- [ ] Eggs
- [ ] Turkey slices
- [ ] Almond milk unsweetened
- [ ] 4 cans of tuna
- [ ] Sunflower seed butter
- [ ] Pasta sauce
- [ ] Wheat spaghetti
- [ ] Veggie spaghetti
- [ ] Tartar sauce
- [ ] Sugar free maple syrup
- [ ] Raspberry vinaigrette
- [ ] hummus
- [ ] bagel thins
- [ ] Whole grain bread
- [ ] Bananas
- [ ] 2 sweet potatoes
- [ ] 2 avocados
- [ ] Tomatoes
- [ ] Squash
- [ ] Fresh sliced baby Bella mushrooms
- [ ] Spinach
- [ ] Salads x2 (romaine)

Total was $106 , saved like $3 with my savings card

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Food is so expensive now…..hopefully it goes back down now that gas is cheaper….