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  #201  
Old Aug 21, 2022, 06:46 PM
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We can't let this world get us down
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  #202  
Old Aug 21, 2022, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Anxiety. I should have went for the hike with my mom - and not drink alcohol when my psychiatrist told me to take clonazepam for these cases.

I know I'm making things worse for myself. I'll try harder.

I took olanzepine and I'll see if that helps before taking benzo (Angelica I think told me this) - Not to just take both.

Edit: I'll build myself up to trying therapy again. Every time I want to call the clinic, it's the weekend or too late in the day.

Edit: I'll make some effort to meditate too. This song I'm listening to.. It was a song I listened to on the computer when I was like 10 years old - I felt completely elated, first time ever using a computer, listening to songs before anyone came home.

Is my life worthless.. Or why had it to be like this. It's for sure a good thing. And I'll continue to laugh at absurdity, have good morals etc.. And just be a soul, floating throughout dissociating dimensions.

The answer to do you want to go hiking is always yes….

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  #203  
Old Aug 21, 2022, 08:58 PM
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The answer to do you want to go hiking is always yes….

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This is very right. First time I said no!
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  #204  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 05:37 AM
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Volunteering today from 11am-1pm
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  #205  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 06:59 AM
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Kind of sad this morning. I guess it's just the pandemic stuff hitting me. Sorry if that's triggering for others. I just realize that it has changed my life so much...

Edit: probably sad cause I've been listening to Slowdive on repeat...
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Last edited by WastingAsparagus; Aug 22, 2022 at 07:19 AM.
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  #206  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:01 AM
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On a more hopeful note, I did go down on Klonopin successfully the past two days.
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  #207  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 08:17 AM
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Nervous. It should go okay though. I head out in about an hour to go to the place I'm volunteering at. Will take a little bit to walk there and I need to arrive/sign in 15 minutes early, so I need to be there by 10:45am. I got everything taken care of in my apartment, cleaning, cats fed , got my lunch prepared so when I come home around 1pm all I have to do is take it out of the fridge to eat it, I know I'll be hungry by then. Dishes are done, meds taken, ate, took out the trash, brushed/flossed teeth, got ready, organized, etc. So after I come home and eat and feed the cats again I can just relax. I got up at 5am today, went to sleep early because I wanted some time to myself in the morning to get mentally prepared.

I think we're just making bagged lunches, shouldn't be too difficult. I don't think their dining center is open to the community due to covid and everything, so I think they just hand lunches out to people who want them

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Diagnosis:
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Last edited by Blue_Bird; Aug 22, 2022 at 08:36 AM.
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  #208  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 08:19 AM
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I also did some weights exercises this morning, trying to build some muscle

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #209  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 09:06 AM
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Ugh I’m so nervous. Wish me luck. I’m about to go

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #210  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 09:57 AM
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Ugh I’m so nervous. Wish me luck. I’m about to go

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Hope it went well Blue_Bird! I'm sure that they were happy to have your help!
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  #211  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:11 AM
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I requested and read my notes and paperwork from my recent hospitalization. I wanted them for continuity of care with my pdoc and T. But reading them made me super upset and depressed. Ugh
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  #212  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:52 AM
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It went well, I packed to-go lunches for them to take to wherever they take them, then served meals to people who came into the community dining area to eat

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #213  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:54 AM
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I’m so worn out though from standing for 2 hours and then walking home which is entirely uphill.

Anyway, I was nervous at first but it got easier. I’m glad I went. I’m going again on Wednesday and Friday.

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #214  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:55 AM
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Proud of you, Blue_Bird!
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  #215  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I requested and read my notes and paperwork from my recent hospitalization. I wanted them for continuity of care with my pdoc and T. But reading them made me super upset and depressed. Ugh

Sorry SK I never read my notes or paperwork because I know it’d probably upset me too

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #216  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I requested and read my notes and paperwork from my recent hospitalization. I wanted them for continuity of care with my pdoc and T. But reading them made me super upset and depressed. Ugh

I’m sure I would be POd reading any paperwork on me. Doctors rarely understand….they see us as somehow different as if it couldn’t happen to them or anybody really.

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  #217  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 12:12 PM
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Thanks SK, I'm proud of myself too

Now I have the rest of the day and tomorrow to relax. I feel like I actually accomplished something for once in my life. I'm probably going to keep signing up for days scattered throughout every month until I go back to college
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  #218  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 12:17 PM
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Oddly enough I feel less hungry than I normally do. Like normally I'm obsessing about food 24/7 and what I'm gonna eat next, but working around food didn't cause that and it actually made me less hungry than I normally am. It distracted me from the constant hunger from the APs. I ate some cottage cheese when I got home, but that will probably be about it, maybe until dinner, then I'll have a big dinner.

It made me feel good, doing something constructive with my time

Now it's time for some coffee, and a couple episodes of Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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SlumberKitty
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  #219  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 02:12 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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I need rehabilitation except I'll do it myself

I started off with mild autism and ADHD. It only needed to be that. It's easier to work with.

I was so screwed that it didn't even make a difference whether, after I hit the back of my head when I was 10.
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  #220  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 04:57 PM
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It’s been a great day. I’m very tired, but it’s been a really good day overall

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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
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Thanks for this!
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  #221  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 04:59 PM
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Sorry Desoxyn, didn’t mean to thank your post, meant to add hugs
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #222  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 05:51 PM
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I feel happy and sad

Edit: Wait.. this happens sometimes. I've said this before.
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  #223  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 06:45 PM
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Does anyone else feel like crying when they don’t get enough sleep and then having to be busy the following day? Like feel really emotional by the ending of the day?

Like I’m overtired or something. I woke up at 5am and am so exhausted right now, it’s almost 8pm.
I’m not really upset, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

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__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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Desoxyn, downandlonely, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
Thanks for this!
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  #224  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 06:50 PM
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Like my first day doing a temp job when I was 18, was working at a factory, working from 5am , having to get up at 4:00am to get there till 5 or 6pm, on my feet the entire time except for a lunch break. Anyway, I remember coming home from that the first night and crying until I fell asleep.

This isn’t anything like that, just doing 2 hours of volunteer work here and there. It’s just pretty much stress of any kind even if it’s not equal amount of stress, affects me in the same time way especially when I don’t get enough sleep

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__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
Desoxyn, downandlonely, SlumberKitty
Thanks for this!
Angelique67, Desoxyn
  #225  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:13 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Does anyone else feel like crying when they don’t get enough sleep and then having to be busy the following day? Like feel really emotional by the ending of the day?

Like I’m overtired or something. I woke up at 5am and am so exhausted right now, it’s almost 8pm.
I’m not really upset, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

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You've been through a lot of **** BB. It happens + Stress is like squeezing an egg. All of a sudden, your hand is wet. The egg is crying. Keep chin up, strong, amazing wonder of this life, you! (:
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