Roll Call 195

If it's any consolation, I got up at like 2 a.m. today, and I took a one-hour nap. But I was still tearful multiple times today. Anyway, probably doesn't help you to hear that except for the fact that I can empathize. I guess I was crying about everything. I don't know...

Edit: I think it's probably somewhat due to listening to Slowdive on repeat, but hey, sometimes tears are tears.

I also wrote some music at like 3:30 a.m. this morning.

Also I planned so much **** for tomorrow. Why???

Yes, I get very emotional if I don't get enough sleep.

I don’t know what to say right now but I just wanted to say hello to everyone. Have a wonderful day ✌️

Thanks everyone,I feel better today after getting a good amount of sleep

Walked to the library to pick up some of my requests. Getting on the treadmill in a little while. The after that I’ll do my weights and resistance bands exercises

Have the rest of the day to mostly relax. Have to shower tonight so I’m ready for volunteering tomorrow.

Plan on spending most of the day reading books and watching stuff on Amazon Prime/Netflix

On Sunday I’m spending time with one of my friends. Probably play the Digimon TCG (trading card game) and the Pokémon TCG

I’m really excited about my appointment with my therapist next Thursday on the 1st, by then I’ll have volunteered 5 times (10 hours total), will be happy to report that I’m accomplishing something

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Glad you feel better today, Blue_Bird.

I frequently am emotional when I don't get enough sleep or if I have been exceedingly busy. HUGS Kit

I don't think I told you that. I used to combine meds to enhance their effects. I can't remember what all I used to combine. Tizanidine with an antihistamine I think, benadryl with benzos, and I forget what else. I'm away from all my belongings of course so I can't look at my collections.

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I had a bunch of those types of jobs when I was 16 through 18. I didn't cry but I felt very motivated to do my best and try never to have those jobs later in life.

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I put on another/ new glass privacy screen protector on my phone, it looks like a brand new phone now. The old one was so worn out, I had it for two years.

I have had so much trouble with my Schizoaffective symptoms this month at work. I have asked for accomodation and stuff and today I was having trouble doing a task because it wasn't really clear. Anyway my difficult colleague got frustrated with me and was not too nice. She said she wasn't unkind but her tone was unkind. Anyway I mea culpa'd all over the place but I don't think it mattered to her. So I have to figure out how to do better tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Etc. So she can see that.

It's frustrating because she always says she will help me and then when I ask her for help she doesn't help me. I must be a moron because I haven't figured out not to ask her for help. I got overwhelmed today by a lot of tasks getting thrown at me and I did my best I think but it wasn't good enough. I talked to the owner and she soothed me some but it was a very messy day at work.

I wish someone that I work with could understand what it is like to work while having hallucinations, delusions, paranoia etc. Like I am really doing my best. I'm just not enough.

I am wearing my new red boots though, so yay for that!

I was psychotic for a few months and thought I was ok during this episode. But, now that I am on the monthly shot I realize I was very impaired. I am doing well again. I was overwhelmed with stress and lost track of my daily pills. So, I am better off on the monthly shot. I am taking classes and helping my mother recuperate. I feel good about myself again. I was very incoherent for awhile. Now, I feel my head has cleared. It was scary since I was in another country and did everything on my own. No one was there to help me. I am blessed to be home again. I want to remain healthy and stay out of trouble.

Good morning, doing some laundry. Woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep so just stayed up. Had a very peaceful morning, didn't get oline at all until now (7:47am) Did some cleaning. Drank some coffee, spent time with the cats and read some of one of my books. Going to volunteer in a few hours from now. Still a little nervous even though I did it on Monday. Have an appointment with my case manager when I get home from volunteering in the afternoon. Hope everyone has a good day

One cool thing about the place I'm volunteering at is you have an online account with them associated with the volunteering work you do. So you can sign up for shifts etc through that, when you get to the place you sign with your account info in at the volunteer kiosk which prints out your name tag. So it keeps track of the hours you work. So if you ever want to see how many hours you've volunteered between whatever dates you can check through your account and you can also print it out. Which is nice because it could become helpful someday for helping to getting a part time job somewhere if they want someone who has some sort of volunteer experience.

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I had some interpersonal trouble with a coworker yesterday but we got it ironed out today. I apologized and she accepted my apology. She did not apologize but that's okay. The tension is gone and that is what matters to me. It's hard working sometimes with this disorder. I wish people who don't have MI will understand this sometimes.

So today's shift was rough at first. Well it started out well, I was refilling sald dressing and cutting tomatoes, and then I was about to serve in the main line where people come up to get their lunch but then they switched me over to the salad bar, that threw me off and I got extremely nervous, panicky, and almost cried but I didn't, I kept myself from crying, it was hard because the tears were right there waiting to come out. But I pushed through it. I was very shaky when serving the first couple of people their salads but it got better after that and the rest of the shift went really well. I don't deal well with stress or feeling pressure obviously. But I am going back again on Friday.

I have 6 hours of volunteer time logged so far

As soon as I felt like I was about to break down in tears I felt the urge to flee and just leave but I managed to stay through it

Can you talk to them about sudden changes…..

I mean it's volunteering occasionally, it's not an actual position I have, anyone can sign up to volunteer for any shift at any time, so they take what help they can get and they tend to need a lot of help, because sometimes they're short volunteers so sometimes have to make sudden changes, so I don't think so

It wouldn’t hurt to ask…if they can they can, if they can’t they can’t.

I'll try asking next time, on Friday

Ok good….I’m sure they would rather accommodate you if they knew it was upsetting you.

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Had an appointment with my case manager today/care coordinator. We think I’m ready to graduate from the program because I’ve been doing so well and am pretty much independent. So I will be graduating from there in the beginning of October

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