Roll Call 195

Sounds like both….what have you been doing med and um supplement wise any changes?

Honestly, I flushed everything that is bad for me.. I'll take some time to recover. Tomorrow will be a better day...

I just want to do what my psychiatrist says.. and not use anything else.. I try but my mind is not like a normal patient.. I see what's happening to the world. 3rd eye thing, and what matters with that anyways.. People get deluded..

I don't want to be completely balanced. No one does.. or they wouldn't exist, be involved in life.. Except a Buddhist Monk or something.. I'm not ready for that type of thing. I'm some new soul, figuring it out... Some autism.

My sister + much of my family are old souls.

I don't want to cause people here much stress, just support and such.. Safe place - But remember! I'm harmless..

Are you still taking the olanzapine?

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Yeah it helps... I tried to stop 8 times. lol...

But no I'll stay on it for a good while..

Some obsessions are good o.- Yeah I need a therapist.. Lately, it's just like I'm a completely different person. My mom is working rn.. All she does is work, and we live in this small place.. We've all made mistakes, gets us to here.. And I just need to think positively, like I do with telling people those small stories that I have.. Magical. And with the mind breaking, it's happened to me so much as well.. Olanzepine stabilizes me (For you, the clonazepam.. Which can be therapeutic for around a year or w/e) - Hopefully you can get off of it. I find it so hard to be without olanzepine (But it does really help with my cognition.. Which sucks cuz.. A bloody antipsychotic, helping cognition - I must really have a fried brain idk)..

But good things are to come.. I'll be going to Mexico ~6-7 weeks, bring all of my meds.., drink some alcohol, sit in the sun, surf with my siblings, buy things. I never felt stressed on vacations as a kid - It was so innocent and free (Like people say "I want to be a kid" but that means that you have to do what someone else says, have a structure - Which is a good thing idk)..

Magic basically.. That's what I want. If I'm going to have to feel pain/suffering, I want to be able to cry and get it done and over with.. But the longer we suffer, the more there's bad habits/obsessions, numbness feelings, giving up, hopelessness, learned helplessness.. And all that causes stress, weight gain, breaking down of cognitive processes, bad decisions (That's me, man... Or it was..).. I'm trying to improve myself lots! And it'll work.. But I do dwell, stay in the same place (But not as much anymore). People need insight, guidance, LOVE.

LOVE IS PEACE, and... Oh ****, all of the cliches that we read in quotes, like staring at shiny letters made up of suns/stars, rotating... trying to find the meaning about what to do - And it constantly changes, chase the rabbit down the hole, something bad happens, people break - Your clothing gets caught in something and pulls you back, you trip and fall.. Get back up is what we always do.. Sometimes (For no reason - But a higher dimensional one), it ends - For me, you.. a loved one.. A famous person..

What direction is the perfect arrow head pointing to with GENERAL humans.. Fame? Money? Love? Meaning? - It all fades, never happy.. If you're thinking about SCHIZ.. Idk what to say. I taught my mom a lot of things about schizophrenia, the mystical aspect.. I don't think I truly have it (That's what I hope) - If it's a divine problem or fault in the system of this infinite simulation, forever.. Or what life is - (That it's a paradox, and to find the meaning, use the positives) as everything isn't perfect, but also not imperfect..

I could talk forever and make some novel, meaningless scribbles.. But with time, things will get better. Hypergraphia? I like it.. We need to have fun, but also do the hard work to improve, update the mind/life (With forever, constant change..), and then celebrate again. The universe is a celebration..and also, evil destruction and disappointment. We will find a heaven/nirvana (Only if we're ready) but in the end, we are all lead to the same place.. It'll be wonderful, tragic, disturbing. It's ok - As long as there is content or acceptance.. And whatever follows after that ^-

Dang, that's too bad. I had a pretty nasty reaction to the latest Covid vaccine as well. I was tired for a few days and I couldn't teach one class I was supposed to teach. And I basically canceled all my plans for two days. Anyway, it was a bit rough.


Edit: oh, I read that as you got the latest one. I guess you haven't gotten it yet.

No it's okay. My mom got me to take a picture of the full moon. The pregabalin is calming - No anxiety when people were walking by (First time that ever happened in my life). Just getting used to the effects.




I think I did this last full moon too.

Now I need to know what the hell to do with my life. 12m things. I do this every day though and then give up cuz there's too many directions.

All of these meds are super hard to get off of (If I were to stop) RIP

I had this issue before I went back to school. I always say it was he fish oil but honestly it also helped to pick one thing to be forced to go after….it helped stabilize my brain.

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I had this issue before I went back to school. I always say it was he fish oil but honestly it also helped to pick one thing to be forced to go after….it helped stabilize my brain.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk