Roll Call 197

TMI but I think I may have a UTI. I hate it.

Otherwise my mood seems more stable. No self harm since last week, and not feeling super depressed. 200mg seems to be working.

See my doctor on Thursday.

I get a COVID shot on Wednesday!

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Hey everyone I decided to listen to my pdoc here in the U.S. Latuda is still working. I don't know I was just getting super anxious. So I have extra Klonopin to take before my trip and while I make the transition. And that is that. Anyway. Life is pretty good this morning. Hope everyone has a good day. Not taking Abilify.

Got three main things to do today

Around 10am take the bus to the grocery store to do my grocery shopping

1pm there’s the monthly tenants meeting to go to

After that (around 2pm) I’m gonna walk downtown to pick up my meds at CVS.

I slept really good. 9 1/2 hours. Spent some time playing with Mustachio this morning, she always drags her toy to me when she wants to play. She did that while I was drinking my coffee so I got up and played with her for awhile and am now drinking my coffee. Maybelle is doing well, she is getting even more comfortable around the house. Like she used to not lay in my bed but now she lays in there a lot and pretty much lays all over the house wherever she wants, like she owns the place. I’m happy to see it though. Definitely a difference from the first week I got her. She hid in the closet and sometimes the shower the entire day and would hiss and growl at me if I got within like 4 feet of her. She doesn’t do that anymore. She’s happy. She lays on her back to get belly rubs, she likes to lay in my arms. She’s really a sweetheart. She doesn’t like Mustachio bothering her but they are able to actually sleep within a few inches of each other which is a huge change. Before, the second Mustachio entered the room Maybelle would get pissed off and leave. And Mustachio was constantly harassing her and trying to wrestle her. Maybelle is 13 years old. She doesn’t want that. But Mustachio finally grew out of that, maybe it’s because she’s almost a year and a half old now. She kinda calmer now that she’s gotten older. When she was like 2 months old up to 9 months old she was a maniac. Lol

Sorry about the uti but I’m glad you’re feeling better mentally, glad you’re getting a Covid shot too. The last one I got was the bivalent one. Not sure if there’s any other ones out yet, maybe there are , but I got that in October or November

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Got my work done at work. What to do with the rest of my day. Lol. The eternal question. I am trying to memorize some scripture for my mission trip to Peru. I have like 4 verses out of 14 done. I need to really get on this.

I showed up for the tenants meeting and my friend showed up as well but they ended up canceling it because it was only us two that showed up out of the 50 something apartments.

I went grocery shopping. I bought a whole pecan pie along with my other groceries. I don’t know why. I saw it in the bakery section and figured I haven’t had one in a long time and I don’t see them often so I bought one. That’s one of my favorite types of pie.

My energy is kind of crashing again. It seems to do this Every day at 2pm. I just get overwhelmingly tired. I wake up with lots of energy. But by two I feel on the verge of falling asleep.

Just plan on reading my book today and watching some stuff on Netflix. Maybe learn some more stuff about DSLR cameras. My friend and I are video chatting on Sunday. They know a lot about this stuff and they’re gonna help teach me about it since I don’t know anything yet.

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I’m excited to start volunteering again hopefully in the spring. And start back at college in the fall. I’m hoping to volunteer at the library. If I can’t get that then I will try volunteering somewhere else. I’m sure there’s places around here that need help. There’s a lot of like food pantries and free clothing places in agencies locally that help people get free used clothing. I could help sort donations or something. A lot of those places I had used myself over the years when struggling financially before I got this apartment.

Just whatever place takes me I guess. Anything that’s not volunteering working in a kitchen and serving food , I did that and it was too chaotic and stressful. I nearly broke down in tears and was shaking during one the shifts one time. Where people could tell something was wrong. It was extremely embarrassing.

So yeah, gonna just try to get out there and do something I can handle so I can get some experience and then finish my associates degree also when autumn comes. It’s gonna take slow steps and I will have to push myself.

I’m starting to talk to people in the building and socialize quite a bit more. So hopefully that’s a good sign that I am improving on being around people.

I've been listening to some Japanese rock and it's really good

Enjoy the pie! Pecan pie is good.

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Ready to go home and zone out. Work has been okay today but sometimes it is challenging.

Sometimes I hate that I must wait on others before I can do my job. Ugh. Bleh.

I’m wondering if I should stick things out with the trazodone. It helps my anxiety a ton and helps me sleep a little better but makes me feel exhausted the the second half of the day. (I take it at night) my energy isn’t this low usually from 2pm till I go to bed. Now I feel completely zapped.

I’ve been on it going on 11 days now

Part of me is scared the med is poisoning me somehow

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Imo you should keep taking the trazodone. They give me half of one if my anxiety is bad. I suggest a 10 minute nap at 2pm. It might work.

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I love hypnotic meds.

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Thank you Angelique , that’s a good idea , there’s definitely no reason why I can’t take an afternoon nap, I don’t really have any commitments except for appointments sometimes and apartment events. So I have mostly free time, I’ll try doing that

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Zopiclone never let me down. I've been taking it every night for a few years now. Immediately hypnotized to sleep.

I want to buy an electric guitar. I'm really good, musically. I have to do something about that. And the world.. Idk about the world. I just want to play music. Just need motivation.

And I tried coding, etc.. If I can't focus, I might as well let my mind wander.. It's what it's supposed to do.

I bought a game on steam - And it isn't compatible with my computer. Sigh.

My mom said that she will try and find someone in town to give me tips on playing guitar. I just have to search a lot about electric guitars, which one to buy etc.

I feel nauseous. I took some Dexedrine.. And hopefully I'll feel better.

Am bleeding of life. It's all too much. I want to check out (Not of life..) but as I said, I want to channel energies from the afterlife/astral realm, and DIE before I die, to feel/know death while I'm alive.

While I was going to sleep (Last night), I was just crying... I'm not 100% sure why. I think from lack of sleep (From waking up so early to go to work, staying up until 12am-1am). I just miss my dad I guess. And I want my mom to be happy

I also want to get back into reading books + meditating. Will take some time to manifest these things. But I just want to do healthy things.. to get out of the autopilot, etc..

I update myself on some news, all that.. If JFK was assassinated by CIA, etc.. Whoever is running America behind the shadows. People accept all ideas, move on.. No one will figure it all out though. Just have fun. Balance, bit of things...

Like religion for example.. I am stable, always - In some way. Agnosticism is a form of balance. And with the shopping impulses you guys have/mania, I did that.. with chemicals of course. The grip of control, it got me.

It got me, but I'm strong. I don't take it too seriously...

Many are insane. I think I have a good mind...

The games I wanted to play = Something beautiful/scenery (That I remember in games from the past, being immersed...), psychedelic too (Why not?). I'd like to search YouTube for vacation blogs/adventures, stuff like that. I'll go on another vacation with my family this year (I think) - All isn't over.

Have you played flower?

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No - I just looked it up. If I'm looking at the right one, it reminds me of the hike I did last summer lol. I'll keep it in mind.

Went to the coffee social today. It was really nice. It was just me and my friend there and the housing support specialist was there making the coffee and talking to us, I talked and did some word puzzles while I was down there

Then I walked to CVS and picked up my meds.

In about 20 minutes from now a city bus representative will be here to give out those prepaid cards for the buses so you can just load money onto them and scan them when riding the bus instead of having to use cash and change. It’s $2 initial fee for the card and you just have to bring your photo ID so I’m gonna do that.

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So I am eligible for half fare because I’m on ssi.

So I can load money onto the card and pay for my rides. They took my info, took my photo for the ID part, and took the $2 card fee. They said the cards will be ready tomorrow or Thursday and they will come here and drop them off with the front desk.

Bus rides will only cost me 65 cents now instead of $1.50. And if I take more than three rides in a single day all the other rides are free. So no matter how many rides I take in a single day the highest total amount I’d pay is $1.95.

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That's great about the bus fare, Blue_Bird!

I feel like I’m getting sick with something. Probably a cold or something like that. My voice has been cracking and I’ve been coughing, sneezing, have a stuffy nose. Also maybe that is also why I feel so tired and worn out. I haven’t gotten sick with even a cold in 3 solid years.

So I’m probably just not going to the yoga thing tomorrow. It’s every week so I can go the following Wednesday if I feel better. I just don’t feel up to doing an hour of yoga and I don’t want to get anyone sick

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It just occurred to me now that maybe I’m getting sick. Like at first I thought it was allergies but I don’t think it’s that. It feels like it’s what’s making me so worn out. I guess I just figured if I hadn’t gotten sick in 3 years I could keep the streak up but there’s no controlling it entirely. Sometimes it just happens.

I’m gonna take a Covid test tonight. I have a couple of the home test kits.

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