Roll Call 202

Old Navy! the manager is super nice she seems great. So much better than my last one. They hired me on the spot

My first day is next Wednesday for orientation. They also do 8 hours of training on top of that so at least I’ll be getting legitimate training cause my last jobs hardly trained anyone, they like stuck you up front and were like okay you’ve watched someone for 5 minutes doing the job now you’re on your own good luck, bye.

Also I get a 50% employee discount on their full priced clothing and also at banana republic, athletica and GAP.

They were pretty impressed by all the stuff I knew about retail and what I have experience in especially with the talent captain thing I did at my last job. In addition to cashiering, sales floor, and all the other stuff I was cross trained for.

That's great news! Well done

Congrats Blue_Bird on the job!

I today have been feeling much better from Covid, though I am pretty tired. I did a self-test today and I tested negative though, which is good.

I want to focus less on online relationships and more on studies =]

(I don't have hobbies, just studies.. Reading.. Research..)

Podcasts too - But lately I've just been listening to multiple podcast clips.. Not a full podcast..

But yeah I'm interested in everything unfortunately (But they are narrowed down and specific in some way...)

My main things would be the neuropsychopharmacology and spiritual realm topics....

Also the shamanic/prophetical type corruption news

I could really go for a takeout burger right now. First paycheck I’m going out to eat to celebrate.

I've been crying almost every day for like 2 weeks cuz of life

I guess I cry a lot - Like not often.. But it happens.

At least I don't have anhedonia anymore - I kind of have the opposite now.

Congrats on the job BB! And good that you didn't go to the morgue WA! ^-

hugs I hope you feel better

Thanks! I start Wednesday, so I have now till then to basically do whatever I want then once it's wednesday I'll be busy again

I'm gonna be working 25-30 hours a week

Someday I want to be full time and eventually off SSI. That will be a couple years though. They said there's room for growth in the company especially with my having the training I have from my other job where I interviewed and did job orientations for new employees. So here I'll be doing cashier, processing, sales floor, etc a little bit of everything and there's room for growth since they said I'm almost overqualified for being just a sales associate, so maybe I can get into a kind of leadership role eventually

there's a snowstorm right now here in NY

I do everything so slowly cuz I multitask and procrastinate

Up late. Had a good day. My bf got off work early so we watched Naruto, the queens gambit, and played Magic the gathering. Tomorrow we’re making cookies together over video chat. And watching more of the queens gambit. I’m not tired even though it’s already half past midnight. Kind of want to stay up tonight. I may or may not fall asleep. Either way I’m making sure I’m up by 7am.

I should probably sleep. I’m a disaster when I don’t sleep. Okay yeah, gonna get off here and go to bed soon. Goodnight everyone.

Good morning, slept pretty good. Lots of snow outside. Not much planned for today other than clean my apartment a bit and make some peanut butter cookies with my bf over video chat and watch more of the Queens Gambit together.

Have my volunteer shift with the rescue cats on Tuesday. Wednesday is my first day at my new job. Which is basically just orientation and it’s a 4 hour shift. 1pm to 5pm. I’m probably gonna be working Thursday, Friday, Saturday maybe even Sunday since they’re open on Easter Day. Since they said I can work as much as I want to.

My bf and my 1 year anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks. It’s actually the day of the total solar eclipse

I’m excited to have a job again.

Now the goal is to just stick with it and not self sabotage by impulsively quitting. I can do it. I know I can.

The manager and people at this place seem so much genuinely nicer than the place I was at before. Like the people at my previous job were nice but like in a fake nice kind of way. And the assistant manager he was a jerk who yelled and made people cry.

I also feel a little more comfortable working somewhere where a woman is a manager. If that makes sense. Idk why I just don’t feel as comfortable with men being in authority positions with me. It gives me anxiety cause I’m always afraid they’ll start yelling or belittling or being a jerk. I know not all men are like that. I just grew up with just my mom so I’m more comfortable around women.

The manager at this place is a woman and the assistant manager is also a woman.

Hello friends. I’m doing well. My bf had yesterday off so we each made peanut butter cookies together over videochat and watched some shows. Don’t have much going on tomorrow. I plan on cleaning and catching up on laundry though. Wednesday 1pm to 5pm is my job orientation at my new job.

Been having mood swings like crazy. Mostly been doing what I can to cope with them though. Made meditation a non negotiable must do daily thing. So like I have to meditate everyday. It helps me a lot. Today I did 30 minutes. Part of me is like well I won’t have time when I’m working. Then I’m like I’m just working part time. I can meditate everyday for 30 min. If I can scroll on my phone for hours a day during time off work I can set aside 30 min a day to meditate. It’s just about being disciplined and consistent

Like earlier today I was crying. Then I felt great. Then I was feeling rage. Then euphoric. Then back to crying, now feeling better. I missed my morning meds but I don’t think that could have made that big of a difference. I took my night meds about 2 hours ago.

I’m trying to stay consistent with art and violin too but it’s gonna be harder when I’m working. Depending what hours I’m working. And it’s really hard to have motivation to practice after work cause I’m so sore and worn out I end up just sitting on the couch scrolling social media when I would get home when I was working before.

I’m trying to see if I can get Sunday the 7th off work because my bf and I my 1 year anniversary is the day after that but he works that day. But he has Sundays off. So if I can get that sunday off too we’re gonna find a recipe we can make together over videochat and I picked out the gift I’m getting him.

I’m no longer doing Tuesday mornings volunteering with the cat rescue. I’m still volunteering with them but just as a fill in basis so like when they need someone they’ll tell me ahead of time so I can make it work with my work schedule. Like I have volunteer shifts the 4th, 11th, and 18th and they will be night shifts. So like on an as needed basis for now until I figure out my work schedule.

I feel a lot calmer though after taking my night meds (Thorazine and oxcarbazepine)

I’m gonna be running a yoga group here and at the building company’s other location. First one is on the 18th at the other location. They’re gonna drive me there

Had a decent day. Got a lot of cleaning and laundry done. All caught up. Apartment looks good. I feel pretty good. Practiced ukulele, painted, drew, meditated, showered. Watched some shows. Tomorrow I'm going to get some food then I go to work at 1pm to 5pm. Then when I get home around 6pm I'm gonna shower and eat and draw, maybe watch some shows, then go to bed. I'm curious what my schedule will look like.

I'm dying in this existence

Better on 10mg of diazepam.

I'm going to try and get into a long term flow state.

Work went well. I got my schedule for the next two weeks. I have tomorrow off. I work Friday and Saturday. Then I get Sunday off which is nice cause it’s Easter Day. Have a headache. Probably from staring at a computer screen watching training videos for hours. lol. But yeah I’m coded to do cashiering, sales floor, and shipments and processing.

I'm doing so well today!! *Cries*

Hello, having a good day off. Didn’t really do much but I did start watching the movie Violent Night which is like a Christmas movie that’s also kind of like Die Hard. I’m about halfway through. Gonna finish it later tonight.

Tomorrow I work from 1pm to 5pm.

There’s this thing at work where you get a pin when you hit 1 year employment there, then 3 years, 5 years and so on. Idk why but I’m super motivated to get a pin. Like it would be the stupidest little thing that motivates me lol

My bf and I are making shrimp scampi together over FaceTime next Sunday to celebrate our 1 year anniversary which is on that Monday the 8th. But we both have that Sunday off work so we’re celebrating that day.

So yeah I feel dead inside cause I haven’t had any caffeine in 3 days. But I’m gonna go buy more coffee tomorrow morning before I go to work. I could go buy it right now but I don’t feel up to it.

Good morning! I walked to the store earlier and bought some coffee

Got work from 1pm to 5pm. Looking forward to it.

It’s weird how my dissociation and panic attacks get better when I’m actively working. You would think it’d make it worse especially with my social anxiety but honestly starting that job I had previously was good experience and got me this job which I feel will be a less toxic environment. I always thought to myself I’d have to do like a job where there’s minimal interaction with people. I’m not saying it doesn’t get stressful or sometimes make me a little anxious but overall it’s the best thing I could have done for my social anxiety, throw myself into a very social job. Avoiding stuff like that just feeds the anxiety and makes it worse overtime. It’s better to face it head on. Avoidance is terrible for getting over social anxiety.