She is convinced I am trying to poison her

Hi all, first time poster here. I have never experienced serious mental illness up until this point in my life. My girlfriend is undiagnosed as far as I know but she has told me that she was involutarily committed before we started officially dating.

It's a very long story, but to summarize it we started talking 6 years ago. She was on a dating site to catch her boyfriend who was also on the same dating site. We started talking, but never met because she stayed with him.


We originally started talking about 6 years ago. She was totally normal back then with no mention of delusions. We talked on and off with long periods of inactivity. Then about 4 years ago she told me that her and the ex had broken up and wanted to meet me in real life. So we met, and she stayed at my house for a few weekends. She told me that she and her ex were broken up, but still lived together and it was a rough situation. This is when the delusions were starting. We never did anything, including kissing, so I didn't really believe that she was really that into me. It was a very hard emotional time for me.

At this time she got into tarot cards and crystals pretty heavily. She started believing that the crystals and stones were communicating with her. I didn't think much of it because as far as I know this is a pretty common belief with people that practice that hobby.

Her boyfriend at the time found out that she was with me and we ended up talking. It turned out that they had not broken things off, in his eyes any way. It ended up being a ton of drama that I excused myself from.

After I was out of the picture she still messaged me on social media for a couple months after and that is when I knew something was really beginning to be off. She started telling me that she was being V2K'd and something called MK Ultra, and she could hear Donald Trump talking to her, among other things like police radio chatter in the area. She told me her house was being watched by FBI/CIA and there were cameras all around. I dismissed all of this as mental issues and I didn't really try to help her at all because I just wanted to be done with the drama. She wrote all about this in a notebook, but from what I saw it was mostly incoherant ramblings about her delusions.

Then we didn't converse for around 2 years. She would send me random super delusional messages talking about how she was involved in some big criminal case against child traffickers but I never responded.

She told me things got so bad with her ex that she is convinced that he was trying to poison her in cahoots with her birth mother, and her oldest daughter. They were all in on a plot to kill her for an inheritance she thinks she has. She ended up jumping out the window and leaving for her Aunts about 3 years ago.

Once she got to her aunts, the paranoia emphasis shifted to her female cousin, and her male cousins boyfriend. She is convinced that he is a literal demon, and that the female cousin was trying to poison her and was also sacrificing all the cats and dogs in the neighborhood.

So now fast forward to early 2023. She started messaging me and sounded a lot more normal than before, so I did start conversating with her again. She still mentioned various delusions here and there, but for the most part it was normal talk. She told me she really wanted to see me again and to be honest I wanted to also see her again so we started hanging out again.

She told me she put the crystals and tarot cards away because in her words "they were going to get her killed". Things went great between us, and we became involved in a relationship. She ended up moving in with my in June of 23, and things were so good. She still had the crystals, but thats it. She played with them sometimes, but it never really affected her too negatively. I even bought her new crystals, because it honestly wasn't an issue.

Now we get to the present. Things went great with her and I for a year. Then in early 2024 things started going downhill. She was heavily invested in a social media channel where she showed off her crystal play. It soon became an absolute addiction and was affecting her daily life. We fought over and over about it, and we would make up and she would slow down with the crystal work.

In summer of 2024 she told me that she wanted to get her tarot cards back from her cousin, who she had given them to before we moved in together because she didn't want them to affect our relationship. I knew it was trouble, but she is an adult and I can't tell her what to do.

But as things rapidly went downhill her delusions started up again. According to her people were plotting to kill both her and I, and her ex was still stalking us. She kept wanting to get the police involved so she could prove to me that she was part of a massive investigation to take down this guy and the child trafficking ring he was a part of. I was able to calm her down and convince her that we were safe, but the manic episodes started happening more and more frequently.

This is when I made the biggest mistake of our relationship and I withdrew. I couldn't handle the manic episodes so I started losing myself in video gaming. This would upset her and we argued a lot about it. I never stopped though. I was convinced I couldn't help her with her mental issues so I tried to block them out. This was a huge mistake.

At this time she started accusing me of playing video games with somebody I wasnt telling her about. Not cheating, just playing with somebody else. I wasn't though. I never played with anybody. Some of the times I was playing single player games that it isn't even possible to be playing with somebody else.

The fights got more and more severe around late summer, and she ended up leaving a few times to go back to her aunts. We would make up, have a few good days or a good week, then it was back to her being very angry with me about playing games with other people. Every time she left she would promise to talk to a therapist to fix things because she loves me so much. But she would never follow through.

The more the fights happened the more I tried to block it out with the video games. I could not convince her that I wasn't playing with anybody. She was dead seet in her beliefs.

This is when the notebooks started back up. She was very secretive with them and always hid them from me. I was very concerned about the state of her mental health so one time when she took off walking to the State Police post to somehow prove to me that everything about the criminal case was true I found the notebook and snapped some pictures to read later.

That brings us to last week. She came up to me screaming something like "tell me how you know this girl". She was very manic.and I didn't know what the heck was going on. Apparently some girl from her past had followed me on Tik Tok. I don't even use Tik Tok and I have no idea who this person is. Well things really fell off a cliff and she started saying this girl worked with her ex to try to kill her and I was now cheating on her with this girl. There is zero evidence that I even know this girl because I truly dont.

She left a week ago to go back to her aunts. This is when I knew there was a very serious problem and I read the notebook pictures I had. What I read was devastating. She is fully convinced that I am now the one who is poisoning her. Either me, or my two adult sons who live with us. She things one or more of us took out a life insurance policy on her and are working with her ex, her daughter, her cousin, and whoever else to take her out and steal her inheritance.

We have been texting back and forth and there is no convincing her otherwise. Not even a chance.

During these bouts I handled things terribly. I would try to force her to go to a therapist or threaten her we would be done. It never worked though. She is convinced that nothing is wrong with her, that she has some special ability to hear voices, and that the planes and helicopters following her are all a part of the big criminal investigation, and possible witness protection for her.

So now the point of this post.... Keeping in mind I love the woman who is trapped underneath these mental issues and I want things to be normal with her so bad, is there ever a chance of having a semi-normal relationship with her? Is there any way to backtrack and try to get her help? I know the only way she will get therapy at this point is if something terrible happens either to her, or someone around her, and that thought makes my stomache churn. I bear so much regret for how I handled things, but is there any going back?

Please help guide me!

Welcome to MSF @LostinMI - I am sorry you are struggling with someone who is inventing their own reality or unreality. That must be rough on you trying to have a relationship with her.

You said " She is convinced that nothing is wrong with her, that she has some special ability to hear voices, and that the planes and helicopters following her are all a part of the big criminal investigation, and possible witness protection for her." I cannot diagnose her but my partner had manic episodes and they really lost touch with what other people saw as real. If it were not for meds, ECT and inpatient care, she may not have got out of that mindset.

You also said "So now the point of this post.... Keeping in mind I love the woman who is trapped underneath these mental issues and I wan
t things to be normal with her so bad, is there ever a chance of having a semi-normal relationship with her?" From my experience the only way things improve is if they get psych help and keep staying with it.

"Is there any way to backtrack and try to get her help?" With the HPPA laws and the rioghts of people to refuse medical assistance, I do not see a way that you as a partner without marriage can do anything.

" I know the only way she will get therapy at this point is if something terrible happens either to her, or someone around her, and that thought makes my stomache churn." Innpatient treatment can work wonders - if they are deemed a threat to themselves or others they can be put in involuntary hospitalization, but if they act well while in there they may get themselves out after 72 hours.

At thios point you might consider getting yourself a therapist to help you free yourself from this situatiion which sounds frustrating. It also sounds like she could get violent if she believes people are trying to end her life. Be careful. It does happen.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

She has to stop smoking whatever she is smoking. She is too old to still be carrying on like this.

Yes, there are a number of mental health diagnosis where the person believes people are plotting against them, trying to poison them, yet they continue a relationship with them. I've been through that but never again. The angst it may cause isn't worth it. You don't sound compatible and there's tons of red flags. It's up to you, but I'd say goodbye - In the name of self care.

She is a daily marijuana smoker. She claims it relieves the symptoms. She told me once that it quiets down her mind. Her mind is the voices right? I am very new to this type of mental illness.

As much as I think it would help me tremendously right now, I am self employed and I don't have health insurance. This has been an extremely rough year for work and I'm just barely holding onto the house I rent. We might be evicted in the coming weeks. I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. That's part of what brought me here. @CANDC

I am sorry you are in a difficult situation. @LostinMI - Being self employed there is more uncertainty as far as income goes. Hoping for the best outcome for you.

CANDC

Many sources including people posting on this site have confirmed that long term marijuana can lead to psychotic episodes. But that does not make telling her that any easier. This sound like an addiction problem as well as the mental health issues that ensue.

So how do you actually convince somebody they are sick, when they think the delusions are like some super power they have? That's how she feels about it. She says she is clairevoyant.

You trying to change her mind, is just like us trying to change your mind to leave this relationship.

People dont change unless and until they have to. They dont move from their position until it gets to uncomfortable to stay.

She has you taking care of her. She will continue doing what she wants. No reason not to.

Plus, its a free country. Who are you to tell her that you are right and she is wrong? Similarly, who am i to tell you that i am right and you are wrong to stay with her? See what i mean? We are all free to choose how we want to live. So... choose how YOU want to live. Figure out what it costs you to stay with her the way she is.

Unfortunately, there's really not much you can do here. If she's a threat to her or other's safety, you can get her admitted to an inpatient facility where they'll sober her up and put her on meds, but if she's not, it has to be her choice to get into treatment. There's no good way of getting rid of delusions. People can't be talked out of them. I've found new ways of looking at some of the ones I get, and that can help.

But right now, a "normal relationship" doesn't look like it'll be happening between you two. Do with that what you will.

Thank you all for your replies. It has been tremendously difficult these past few weeks. I can't seem to stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. Any text conversations with her turns sour with one of us getting upset. A week or so ago she asked if we could read the notebooks together so I could understand them. She is still not home so she did it via video chat on Facebook messenger. That did not go well at all. Pretty much all of it was very obviously about me and she just kept refusing to acknowledge that it was about me, saying instead that it was about her ex, despite talking about me playing my games and such. I told her that I did not believe her and that quickly turned into her screaming like a maniac that I was just recording her and trying to get her to say crazy things on video to prove to the world that she was crazy. Which was in part true, I was recording the video call, just in case we ever come to the point of me needing to show a psychiatrist her behavior. I don't think it will ever come to that, but I stashed the video away just in case anyway. I would never show a soul that video unless that was a chance of getting her the RIGHT help.

Anyway I didn't hear from her for almost a week after that episode, and then she texted me on Monday inviting me to her families Christmas party on Christmas eve. I think deep down she knows I would never do anything to hurt her. I didn't respond to that though. She texted again on Christmas eve wishing me a Merry Christmas, and then again today asking me if I am ok. I haven't responded. I now have her blocked on all social media and everything else except my business phone which I let her take because she has been using it for awhile now. I don't want her to be without a phone.

This is so difficult, especially right now with the holidays, and my financial situation worsening drastically. I just feel like the entire world is against me right now, and nothing at all is going right for me. I have been praying non stop for a break, to no avail thus far.

I just wanted to update you guys on where we are at now, and I am making my best attempt at severing ties with her. Once again I thank you for your advice.