[Cyborg]

So is this possibly psychosis? I find myself more and more paranoid about the human race in general. Like i am totally apart from it. Somehow they would do everything in their power to make sure my worst nightmares come true. When someone does something that doesnt work out well for me i automatically assume they are trying to get me put away. The closer the person is to me the more paranoid i get. Sometimes i even worry that the people in chat are all my mental health people hiding out as normal people so they can spy on me.

Sometimes i hear a voice but its almost always when my head confuses other noise and i somehow translate it into coherent words. They dont just start holding conversations with me or anything. I spend a lot of time arguing in my head about things which i assume im arguing with my conscience but when i really get confused my conscience takes on three or four different, i guess the word would be voices, but i dont hear them except in my head. Where the ones i need to translate are definately heard.

I think the most annoying part is the feeling different part. Im afraid of acting "crazy" around people as ive already spent too much time in hospitals. Im noticing that im way different from most people in too many ways. Like somehow im a left over of a different species. Im also pretty sure people lie to me for their own agendas or more likely to gain my trust. Its hard to break someone if they dont trust you after all.

Guess im just curious how normal this is or if it does sound like psychosis.

[saudade]

Hi, Cyborg.

"Somehow they would do everything in their power to make sure my worst nightmares come true." - Are you absolutely sure that your nightmares come true because of other people?

"Sometimes i even worry that the people in chat are all my mental health people hiding out as normal people so they can spy on me." - I can't say that this is psychotic thinking, but it sure sounds like paranoid thinking.

As for the "feeling different part", each of us are individual, unique beings, just like one fingerprint is never like the next. Would be a pretty natural assumption that feeling different is not abnormal.

"Im also pretty sure people lie to me for their own agendas or more likely to gain my trust." - Are you a very giving, caring person? Sometimes we have to look out for smiling parasites; people do take advantage of kindness these days, unfortunately.

"Its hard to break someone if they dont trust you after all." - I don't understand that statement.

"So is this possibly psychosis?" - Only a specialist could answer that question. On the other hand, though, paranoia is clearly hounding you.

Hope you can get to trust your doctors and help yourself to help yourself.

Wishing you the best.

[Cyborg]

So what do i do to get rid of paranoia? Thats probably one of my bigger things right now. Paranoia and anger, even deleting just one of those would make me feel a lot better.

[saudade]

Honey, I can't answer that. I know it sounds so lame, but this is something that only you can try to change. I don't know anything about your lifestyle, household, nothing, so it would be extremely inappropriate to say "do this" or "try that", don't you think?

Surely one can always use the "are you seeing a therapist and taking meds?" routine, but I feel that I don't need to tell you that. We all know that therapy and meds alone don't work (some people lie or hide things from their T's); you have to want it, you gotta want to search for the source of your pain, which is a painful process in itself. Nonetheless, the reward is worth it.

Just remember that you are not alone.
and that it is ONE LIFE that you got. One life, one opportunity, one shot.

peace
love
understanding

[misty]

Just wanted you to know I read your post and your not alone. It is normal for me all the things you mentioned. I struggel with it too. Counseling does help.
Larks

[colors]

Hi Cyborg,

Read your post and could not help thinking that maybe you are having a hard time trusting? (Which is different than being paranoid.)It may be that you were hurt by people in the past and are a little scared to be that hurt again.

It may be too, that it is only a misunderstanding.

The voices you hear may be just yourself telling you that you need more time with your therapist. It is so normal to think about your anxiety and then try in different ways to fix it (all inside your mind).It helps so much to be talking it outward to someone else that you can trust.

Maybe you could tell your therapist that you need more time with him/her. You could up your appointments to twice a week, being a few days apart.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sometimes i even worry that the people in chat are all my mental health people hiding out as normal people so they can spy on me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This may be because they sound familiar to you, as they have had expierences similar to yours. (Which is what the word "relating" means.) I am always surprised when I can talk about something and someone else understands what I am feeling.

Thou each of us has had different experiences that have hurt us, the feelings we have all seem to merge somewhere.

I would not call you paranoid at all. Being cautious over the internet is normal too, and that is not paranoia, it is just good common sense.

Hope you try to up your appointments with the therapist, as it sounds like you are doing too much thinking alone about what is bothering you.

Take Care.

Colors

[krzyk101]

I also feel this way much of the time. I feel paranoid about many things on many different levels. I do know of the experience of paranoia and anger.

For me the entire Mental Illness thing consumes me. I argue with myself about communication and in the most do not do so. Fear of so many things feeling caught and trapped in the middle of so many different diagnosis' that I no longer even know who or what I am. Or who or what I have become. I am definatly paranoid alot.

Also, as I take meds and even seen my Therapist today in which I let know that my own paranoia has shut me off from the outside world and now aghoraphobic in my home sitting here in the dark I too not in chat as I am unable to go there only on the forum itself, wonder if there are people from my past out there in here spying on me. Doing some type of stalking and keeping me from posting and so much so, that between ptsd and bi polar, ADD, and personality of whatever it is I have or am is so much unclear to me.

This for me the paranoia of not knowing or not being able to really know what is going on in my own mind in my own world and so much so not even aware of the 'outside' .

Being my T today began to talk to me of something about the thousands surrounding me not having power due to a major storm here. As she talked to me and told me things I heard only that of a foreign language being spoken to me.

When she finished I told her that honestly I or my mind would not and did not hear the words she had just spoke as they to me were all jumbled up and foreign and I told her with real tears in my eyes how badly I did indeed want to hear what she had said it all by my mind was not processed and feared it was some sort of psychosis and schizophrenia.

Only she told me it was nothing of the sort. She said to me it is just I am going through so much in my own world my own self and lack of that I am unable to really focus on things which do not directly affect me. She said that right now I am distressed and paranoid as I am trying to figure myself out and that does not make me psychotic only means I have alot going on in my m ind.

I don't know I just thought I would try and say how it (paranoia) effects me and how it is going and that Your not alone.

Take Care,