To get a doctorate or not to get a doctorate?

So, I can't decide for sure if getting my doctorate is the right decision or not. Originally, I was going to go straight from my masters to my doctorate and then I decided I needed a break and I wasn't sure if I wanted/needed to get it then.

So here's the situation:
• I'm not 100% sure if teaching at a university is exactly what I want…but then I don't know 100% what I want—just that I know that I want to work in the field that I'd be getting my doctorate in and I think it would make me a lot more "legitimate" for lack of a better word. Everyone who's anyone seems to have a doctorate.

• Financially, I can afford it now that I'm a resident of the state of the school I'd be trying to get into. Even without financial assistance, I can get my doctorate for about $20,000 (including tuition, fees, and books). That's definitely affordable…so that's not a problem.

• If I still have trouble finding a full time job afterwards, I don't know what I'll do. I don't think anyone will hire someone so specialized for anything else except for that type of job…so I may be shrinking the amount of employment opportunities instead of increasing them…I really don't know.

• Academically, I found my masters relatively easy and I'm familiar with the school/professors/program that I would be applying for…so as far as doctorates go, this will probably be on the easier side…not like getting a doctorate is easy, but it could be much more difficult.

• I don't really have a lot of confidence (never really did) and that could be holding me back. Who knows? My professors have told me that I'm really good at what I do, that I would be a good teacher (I have yet to earn a TA though, but the school gives almost everyone some sort of financial aid), and that I should go get my doctorate. I just feel unqualified when I start gathering the materials I need—What do I present in my portfolio as the professors are all very familiar with my work? What if it's not as good as last year? Can I use other professors at the university for references? What do I write for the essays? I've been doing almost exclusively fiction writing, not technical writing. For one of the essays, I can't look up anything or talk to anyone about ANYTHING referring to the essay. Because that's not terrifying at all…

I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing…maybe it's just self-indulgent and trying to make up for my lack of self-confidence with a bunch of degrees. I would at least finally feel equal to other people…but I just don't know. This is causing me so much anxiety. Everything is due in a month for the application, so I need to make a decision NOW and commit.

Someone please tell me I'm making the right decision and I don't have to feel guilty about it or tell me I'm NOT making the right decision and I should just go work full time in retail or something and hope I get lucky finding a job in my field that I enjoy.

You didn't say what field it was in. Not sure if that is important or not. I think in some fields it might be.

I got a doctorate and ended up as a professor. I was more interested in the writing and thinking than in the teaching or interactions in committees. I ended up resigning for various reasons, not to discourage you. It was a really great job and all. Paid well, good benefits, interesting, and gave you time off.

It was slightly more difficult to find another job afterwards because people thought someone with a PhD is overqualified. I did work as a journalist for a while and really liked it. But then I'm a writer so it came naturally.

Now I'm going back to school to train as a therapist. I thought of doing a doctorate but realized that a master's would get me to work faster and there are places I can teach if I want that. So it does really depend on what you want.

One thing I'll say about grad school doing my PhD is that it was the best time in my life intellectually. I learned so much so fast. And was surrounded by really bright creative people so the experience itself was worth it.

The degree is in music composition. I can't think of very many known composers that don't have a doctorate. The only things I possibly do is hope to get a gig (or multiple gigs) playing somewhere and maybe doing some arranging and hope someone "discovers" me. It's not about publishing either—I'm already published.

I just see this as an opportunity to study with the fantastic professor there on my instrument for three more years and to be able to play in orchestra, wind ensemble, pit orchestra, small ensembles, and get more performance experience. All of that on top of also being able to study composition for 3 more years in a place where I can really get things premiered. Even large compositions, such as symphonies for wind ensemble (I've already premiered one there). I'm more social now and have come out of my shell a bit and will continue to do so with the rest of my year off which should help me.

I don't know…I guess I just feel bad because I've never had a real, full time job. I've worked on commission basically…I played gigs, transcribed music etc. I'll hopefully be getting a part-time job soon that hopefully I can either keep while I'm getting the doctorate or I can save enough money to help augment a TA stipend.

I originally wanted to be a professor…I just got disillusioned along the way.

I have a doctorate and I was a college prof until I went on disability. I really enjoyed most of teaching and I loved the academic world.

I am surprised that a doctorate is required in your field. Maybe you can apply to some Ph.D. programs and also look for what jobs are available just in case that doesn't pan out. I didn't work much at all before I got my doctorate.

It's not "required", but it seems that everyone but a select few have them. What better place to get your music played than in a university? Other parts of society really don't care about new music…

Technically, one doesn't need any sort of education or even know how to play an instrument to compose…but if you want to write something that sounds good AND people enjoy playing (it's funny how many composers don't give a crap about that), I find an education helps improve that. And it's a technicality, but it's actually a DMA, not a PhD since it's an artistic/performance based field and instead of a paper, you write a composition.

I already know where I'd want to go…unless it looks bad to go to the same school for your DMA as your masters? I love the professors, the city, the program, and the fact that I can keep playing my instrument like when I used to be a performance major. It seems silly to go somewhere else at this point, although there's the argument of having variety.

Sounds to me like you are all set, if your professors where you are really like you. I don't see a problem with getting your doctorate where you got your undergraduate degree, if they accept you into the program.

There are two reasons for doing a doctorate:
1. You are going for an academic career.
2. It's something you want to do for its own sake.

Otherwise, you'd be better off getting a job right away.

I actually went there for my masters; I got my undergraduate degree in another state. The professors at this school really love me and I really love them…I just hope they'll let me come back.

1. I am changing my mind about wanting an academic job although I'm not 100% committed to it. I just want to be in music somehow and that looks like the only way to do it in any satisfying way.

2. I do want to do it for its own sake, just to say I have a doctorate and I made it to the pinnacle of education in my field.

And the only jobs available that I would be qualified for at the moment would be entry level retail, which I'm technically overqualified for. Otherwise, most other jobs I could possibly get I wouldn't have needed an undergrad degree.

If I had my life over again, I might not bother with the PhD. Mind you, that would mean never meeting the woman who is now my wife.

I guess four years of largely unpaid study is a fair price to pay for twenty five years of marriage...

It sounds to me like you have several good reasons for getting your doctorate. You can sort out what that all means after a while in the program. For now, sit back, relax, and enjoy pursuing your dream. Good luck.

Sounds like you won't feel good about NOT doing this, I say, Go for it---the doctorate certainly will not hurt you...

OP, you are so close. Do it. How many people would love to say they're a doctor of something? Keep the momentum going. You've worked hard and your reward is right around the corner.

And no one thinks it's selfish and self-indulgent? I mean, it's like me going, I can't make a living for myself so let me just go back to school! And not for a degree in a high demand field, but a degree in a field I like! And maybe I still don't get a job because most places expect you to have magically gotten a couple of years experience teaching at a college level and I don't know if I'll get a TA or not. And even if I do, who knows if it counts...

Why shouldn't you indulge yourself?

Because it wouldn't be my money and who knows if I'll actually be able to get a job afterwards? I might be able to get a TA or a part time job, but I might still need financial help and I feel bad still using my parents' money. It's not that they don't have money (they're not rich either, mind you), but it's the principal of the thing. Almost everyone else has to pay for their education/living expenses. It just seems horribly unfair that I don't.

I'm just confused about the whole thing…since I'm applying to the same school just a year later, where am I going to get three references and not use at least one of the professors there? Isn't that a conflict of interest? And how am I going to build a full portfolio of music none of the professors have seen before? I've still been writing, but I don't have 4 strong pieces that no one there has seen or heard and I don't know if it's a conflict of interest to use pieces they have heard or not. I don't know who to ask either as again, it could be a conflict of interest.

I'm hearing you feel unworthy?

Perhaps, but if nothing else I feel embarrassed that I might not be able to pay for it all myself. And of course, I have no idea if this will help me get a job or not, or if I'll have to move.

I would say, if you're not sure you want to do this and spend four years of your life and a fair amount of your parent's money, you might be better off without.

After all, you can always do it later with your own money if the spirit moves you.

PS. I had a scholarship and I still took money from my parents.

There is nothing selfish or self-indulgent about getting an education. Go for it!

I honestly don't know what else to do with my life and in a way, the spirit did move me a week or two ago. Originally, I was dead set in getting my doctorate, but then I sort of got disillusioned about the whole idea because of a couple of things I disagreed with in teaching my subject. One had to do with the philosophy of it—I originally thought that since I disagreed with the philosophy I shouldn't teach, but then I realized that I was thinking about it wrong. I could still teach using my own philosophy and make a difference. The other problem was the politics…my favorite professor got so much crap from the other professors, not to mention the fact that he's probably been there longer than most of the others in the department, yet he gets one of the smallest paychecks. I don't know his whole past with the university, so maybe it's racism, maybe it's not.

The point is, I inadvertently put him in a situation that would have cost him his job if he weren't tenured. Other professors were talking trash about him to me behind his back and getting mad that he was copying all their e-mails to him to me. And I even told him that he did the right thing in the situation that got him into trouble and that he shouldn't let the other faculty members convince him otherwise.

That being said, 99% of the time, the faculty there is awesome and that crap usually stays between them and most students don't know much about it. I just happened to be right in the middle of it all.

Also, I have a lot of problems with guilt and always feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing and all that. I mean, I feel guilty for eating…and because it costs money, not because of the calories or anything (although I'm not saying that doesn't bother me at all).

I don't know if the feelings of doubt are real or because of how I feel about everything. Also, the main doubt was whether or not I really would be using the degree as intended (i.e. become a professor) because those spots are difficult to get. However, I don't see myself having a career in music (academic or otherwise) without the D.M.A. I guess I just feel guilty about it because I basically just did a 180…after I got the masters I was convinced that I was done and that I needed to go off on my own (live in the real world for a while) and now that I have and have realized that the real world is a horrible, horrible place where the best I can do is work at a job that would potentially cause me physical harm and pay me minimum wage or a little more if I'm lucky.

With no offense intended for those who have those sort of jobs, I'm above that. I'm sorry…I didn't get an education to work at that kind of job. That isn't my destiny. I don't know for sure (as I can't see the future) if the doctorate will lead me directly towards my destiny or not…but not getting a doctorate certainly won't.

And if I can physically handle working part-time at one of those physically dangerous jobs, I should be able to pay for most of the expenses. Same with if I get a TA position. And I still have some money left in my college fund, so maybe there won't be much paid out of pocket? I don't know…all I know is the deadline for the application (and the other dozen things that go with it) is January 15th so I've been panicking inside since the 15th of this month. I can't seem to be able to get my thoughts on paper and I'm afraid I'm going to remember something wrong or forget a name (I can't look anything up for one of the essays).

((IATE))
It sounds like
1. You want to do further study.
2. You are anxious about academic life.
3. You are also anxious about nonacademic life.

Do you have anyone professional you can talk to about your anxiety?

It would be nice to make a decision based on what you want rather than what you want to avoid.

1. Simply put, yes.
2. Also, yes. I had a lot of problems with self-harm and had to go on anti-psychotics for a while because of paranoia and stress. And I didn't have that stressful of a degree in comparison to the average person. A lot of the stress came from performance anxiety and dealing with having crushes on people. The first person I had a crush on in grad school terrorized me about it (it's a bit of a longer story than that, but that's not important) and so after that I would be so guilty/anxious about having a crush on someone that it would just be a horrible experience. But I have pretty much the same stressors outside of school…though maybe not on the same level. Or maybe my medication is a better mix, who knows?
3. The most stressful thing about nonacademic life is not being able to make money without doing something that will cause physical harm or will kill my soul. I considered not living past my masters because I have no life outside of that world. I may have friends now, but no way to ever be in a relationship or get a job that's worth staying alive for. My life has been a waste so far.

I guess I have a psychiatrist…but I don't remember if I see her before the deadline to apply for the degree. But all she does is make me feel more like an idiot because she asks about if I'm being paid yet for the job I was "hired" to do. Yeah, I'm not really allowed to do anything and then they changed some things and I had to go through the training again and I'm afraid it's not going to count if I do it again and I'll have to do it a third time and I've given up. And of course I'm not getting paid. Even if I had the certificate, I still couldn't make anything because certain positions have to be filled first…which are never filled.

So basically my only chance at a job is a scam, something that I have no knowledge or experience in (so I'm not going to be hired because employers are spoiled for choice), or something that takes little to no thought and no experience whatsoever. I would be afraid to be seen at a job like that only because everyone said I would be highly successful (just no one told me how except suggest that I get a doctorate).

I guess my biggest fear is getting a doctorate and still working as a cashier at a fast food place or something similar. Or still continue to fail at life in all the important ways…success to me is a job in my field that I've already spent 7 years at the collegiate level studying and getting married.

So no matter what I do it's probably both the right and wrong decision. I just wish I didn't have to be alive to make that decision. Or if someone would just tell me what to do and make me do that…or even better, have the support of a significant other which everyone I know around my age have the benefit of having. It's just really frustrating. I have to marry my job, so I'd better get a good job. I'm not sure I can do better than fast food without a doctorate or starting over and getting a bachelor in a completely unrelated field.

Good luck with your choice!

55. There are too many PhDs. - 100 Reasons NOT to Go to Graduate School

Ok, the stuff in that article is starting to really freak me out…

I know there's a bunch of applicants per each position I'd be looking at, but if I still end up unemployed, is there a point of getting a doctorate besides delaying the inevitable?

And for some reason I still want to…

But where am I going to work in three years?

If you want to and can afford it, go ahead.

But if you want a job, it might be better to look for one now, during the recovery, than in three years, during the next recession.

I found that a PhD is no preparation for the world of work. I got very "academic" and wasn't used to doing what I was told!