[VanGore28]

I'm 28 now but back in high school, I did experience a form of bullying that had a deep impact on my life and the choices I took.
I lost a friend to another girl and it was her who picked on me. I wasn't confident probably down to my flat chest. I remember this girl when we were walking home one day said I walked like a duck she saw in an advert and her and a friend who was about to become an ex friend laughed hysterically. At the pictures one time they stole my glasses not caring if they broke them, my parents would have given me hell. When we went bowling I did a little celebration dance at a strike but it wasn't elaborate, but she exaggerated it and pointed in a laughing fit condescending me, it wasn't in good jest. English class I struggled to make out the teacher when I went up to get , my marks at his desk so I lent in with my head a few times and she laughed when I got back saying I was a pigeon, pecking. At this time a few girls would point out how I was flat chested. Thankfully I'm ok now, but I was really skinny then now I'm a little chubby.
I crept inside myself I think. Two other girls invited me out about six months later and I started to hang with them but again this girl who picked on me went around telling everyone shed saw me with them mocking me so I kept my distance and eventually I became good at martial arts, I had a steely determination like a vengeance running through me. Yet because of this girl I never got close to anyone for years, I remained distant.
I remember one time she was gossiping about a girl who had been anorexic and nobody was actually 100% sure if that's why she was off school for years as her parents were hush hush. But her sister told my mum she was doing really well when she was eating ONE yoghurt a day she stopped eating completely/ But I never joined in the gossip I kept it to myself a secret. I was above it all so I thought .

[Lolina]

Girls can be terrible to each other and if they feel a weakness in you they will try to get on to you even more. Try to see a Therapist, work on yourself and improve what needs to and be happy. It's easier said than done but you will be alright.

[VanGore28]

Especially teenage girls. Even when I made a new circle of friends, they would all turn on me sometimes. One told the whole of my work I was still a virgin at 17. So I slept with a guy who had been in jail for manslaughter.

[VanGore28]

I faced a lot of critisicm from someone who was like a teacher that i worked for. When i got ill he told my abiusive ex that i wasnt good enough for him and to think about what people would say about me and also him for staying. I faced the stigma that people said i would NEVER get better. My mum and dad, thought this and sly foxes from social work when inwas in psyche ward laid leaflets on my be ablut having long term care like a granny with dementi!

[VanGore28]

However my then doctor thought i could get a good job and that things would go back to normal.

Yes I definitely recommend therapy if you have the time and money to afford it. Its always good to open up to someone else to help you get through it all. Im so sorry for the way those girls treated you. Some people take a sick pleasure in hurting other people for their own benefit. But sometimes because theyre just so messed up themselves.
Im a teenage girl, and although i wasnt bullied by another girl there were some girls I knew who were total b*tches. This one girl especially... who basically used me and then took my only friend i really cared about away from me. *sigh* I still wish i had done more about it to make things okay again. But well not all girls will bite you in the back, you just have to do a little searching (and trusting) to find them, but they're out there.

[VanGore28]

I used to feel like that a lot of my girl pals just hung around with me until somebody better came along. Someone more effusive and uninhibited. So I sort of learned to rely on myself and spoke more to guys than girls. Guys seem to be so much less judgemental but there's the danger they want more on the other hand fact of life.
I think I tried to convince myself that this person never affected me that I had a tougher exterior, but I am a big girl now and I have to move on. But I realise to move on that you sometimes have to face the past.
So now what do I do about these intrusive thoughts , I am away to investigate

[VanGore28]

Originally Posted by VanGore28

I'm 28 now but back in high school, I did experience a form of bullying that had a deep impact on my life and the choices I took.
I lost a friend to another girl and it was her who picked on me. I wasn't confident probably down to my flat chest. I remember this girl when we were walking home one day said I walked like a duck she saw in an advert and her and a friend who was about to become an ex friend laughed hysterically. At the pictures one time they stole my glasses not caring if they broke them, my parents would have given me hell. When we went bowling I did a little celebration dance at a strike but it wasn't elaborate, but she exaggerated it and pointed in a laughing fit condescending me, it wasn't in good jest. English class I struggled to make out the teacher when I went up to get , my marks at his desk so I lent in with my head a few times and she laughed when I got back saying I was a pigeon, pecking. At this time a few girls would point out how I was flat chested. Thankfully I'm ok now, but I was really skinny then now I'm a little chubby.
I crept inside myself I think. Two other girls invited me out about six months later and I started to hang with them but again this girl who picked on me went around telling everyone shed saw me with them mocking me so I kept my distance and eventually I became good at martial arts, I had a steely determination like a vengeance running through me. Yet because of this girl I never got close to anyone for years, I remained distant.
I remember one time she was gossiping about a girl who had been anorexic and nobody was actually 100% sure if that's why she was off school for years as her parents were hush hush. But her sister told my mum she was doing really well when she was eating ONE yoghurt a day she stopped eating completely/ But I never joined in the gossip I kept it to myself a secret. I was above it all so I thought .

I found a new group of friends. I was blatantly depressed the first few years of high school, not just growing pains, it was a sleeping lion, caged in my mind.
I toughened up. A girl drew on my hoodie and I let rip on her until she burst out crying. I was mad. Nobody touched me in primary school as I was intelligent and they respected me. But teenagers can be so cruel. I told this girl she was just a sheep, and wanted to popular by taking orders from someone else, did she not have a mind of her own. What if this was a new hoodie and my parents wouldn't get me a new one....whatever I said, I went too far but It's not like I hadn't been pushed towards it by others.......

[VanGore28]

I got loads of flak for not having big boobs. An old pal one time, told me to ignore them in French class, because I never showed I was upset at school, ever. And it is hard being the strong one all the time.
But everyone seemed to grow up and it didn't last. If someone said something to me in registration class I would whisper to my neighbour a retort and she would laugh and they got bored.
Me and my friends had no where to go. They hung around the park with older guys and went back to their houses, but barely any of my friends did drugs at all despite this. But my parents forbade me from going to their houses and threatened me if they found out AND believe me they WQULD have found out. I stay in an old town.
So that is why I spent so much time on my sport. I became very good, but not quite hitting the mark. I seemed to spread myself to thin. If I had just concentrated on school, but I never applied myself and the teachers knew fine well.
I remember the morning I got my exam results. I told my mum as she got up and she blindly ignored me. Never asked, didn't care . I didn't tell anyone. My pals didn't do comforting each other, or get the violins out. If you didn't laugh you would cry.
When my sports career was hitting the skids, before it had barely begun, I told one girl, "you are not missing out on anything" (drinking, partying etc.) and to keep doing what she was doing.

[VanGore28]

I know when I was starting to get ill. I couldn't sleep in the car although I was exhausted. Couldn't sleep on that hard wooden floor.
I wanted to throw in the towel. Got humped. But I had grown used to it now. Couldn't concentrate....
I seen how in love this couple was and I knew winning wasn't everything.

[VanGore28]

That wasn't quite the end. My last appearance I will be proud of. The ref said it was the best comeback he had ever seen.
A woman I told I hadn't been training, said it was a great fight and didn't look like I hadn't.
I still lost, but I went out on a high. And that is all that counts.

I don't mean to come out as sexist but many females, particularly teens and young adults, can be vicious. This is why I am almost never able to get close with a female my age or younger than me; most woman that I've ever been close with were in their mid-late 20s or even 30s; a woman who matures enough to be kind and compassionate to people can be a truly beautiful person. Unfortunately, the brain doesn't typically fully develop before one is 23-25, therefore, a girl younger than that is more likely to be an immature little bully.

I guess all I can say is find female friends who are actually mature and don't treat people like crap even if you must befriend people a little bit older than you.

[alicetailor]

You can join a boys and girls club in your vicinity. It will help you in establishing a good and stronger friendship. It’s better to leave the past and walk forward towards a better future.

I am an adult now. This happened a long time ago, but I never seen fit to speak about it because I am not wholly innocent of bullying myself.
At my sports club I taunted a girl for being "fat." I was really cruel and she hid in the bathroom crying and told on me. I did it to someone in primary too. Of course I am sorry. I went on to feel what it is like and it's like a dagger to your soul, emotional wounds can take insurmountable time to heal. I remember telling an old friend that was forever making fun of my appearance that one day she might be the person that pushes someone over the edge. The final straw, or single grain of rice that tips the scale.
Also sorry to Cal R. in primary, it was me who suggested we chanted round playground. I am sorry I called that boy slow, tree surgeon, tkd.
When I attended college, I thought everyone would have grown up by then but I was wrong. I was called a "chav" and one girl in particular may have prompted me to jack it and leave. She called the college \"skanky" and called me a "spakker" or "scatty" and a t-shirt I wore she said she would only wear it to bed. She was previously in a private school and her folks sent her to a local college, as I think she never really worked that hard, maybe to teach her some humility as she was a spoilt, stuck up.... she lived a very sheltered life and would have been eaten alive at my school. I think she had been bullied a bit herself and would clack her teeth together when it was quiet, it was really strange. I was like "why do you always...

While I attempt to clear my conscience, I would like to apologise to more people - dot English and her cuz, we were thick as thieves together. Well at least one of us got our comeuppance eh Karma sure has a grudge against me.

Maybe some people will return the favour some day. Because I am not going far anytime soon, I'm too tired, of trying, of everyone, the rat race, the office politics, the failing, the dole office putting me on courses I kicked off for telling the truth, the ghost of my past cropping up, but why should I move from my home town?? I am done with the council for threatening to repossess me when I cannot pay my arrears with no job, and it is not my fault that the housing officer is never informed as his staff are a bunch of p"£cks.

So I am going to tell my doctor my situation. My mother went ape s%^t when I quit my job but I was harassed and in this hillbilly town, if your face doesn't fit, you scratch my back.... So I have had more jobs than Tom Nick and my colourful past makes getting a job really hard and holding onto it even more impossible. No-one wants a pity f%^k. My job before the last one wasn't enough hours to keep my head above water yet too much for me to get any state help. Where there is a will there is a way, I struggle daily to find my optimism as who wants to deal with a sour puss. My friends taught me one thing, if someone whines or drones on no-one listens, but if you scream, shout, plot, action over words, suck it up, get over it, grow a backbone, have a mind of your own, be a leader and not a follower .....

I feel better than I have ever felt but I am not out of the woods I know that. When you have slept walk through life, or like Gil Scott Heron said
"the kid who kept f$%king up woke up one day in appalled revere" And realised that who they thought were the good guys were in-fact not....

And so the story continues.

I met a friend today and im meeting one tomorrow and on tuesday i meet a group of pals. At one point i practically had no one. I tried to explain to the nurses that i had been in a possessive and controlling relationship but did they listen? Nope
Let me tell u about two of my former best friends that i no longer talk to.

The first goes back to primary school.
She played cello. Ice skated. Listened to classical music. Her parents did her homework from time time. She had on high heeled boots one day and the heel broke and for some reason i burst out laughing. I had a mobile and she was about the only person i contacted. We played swingball one day and she overstretched and when i went to hit the ball and ended up hitting her hand at same time and she went ballistic. She chased me and i jumped over the wall and she misjudged and fell. I had to go straight home.
Later that night i took my dog a walk and left my phone and my parents snooped but i was really young so it was understandable. I received a text which was quite nasty. But my parents knew right away it was her mum and her parents didnt want me around anymore. I was a council estate gurl and they were middle class. I dont think i had their approval. The film "neds" brought it all back to me. It is brilliant at portraying a psychotic breakdown, i highly recommend it and it should have won awards

My next best pal was stark opposite of me. We hung around a gang of girls and one said she was sound and i was a bore. I dont know how we ended up hanging together but we did. We eventually dirifted apart becoming v different and almost rivals. My friends liked indie rock she said it was boys music. Her and her two crones tried to ingratiate into the popular gang and never suceeded.
She was a proper little c#$t when i remember rightly. For some reason i never held ill feelings. But she was ruthless. I was a little moody one day and she goes "i thouht i smelt something fishy" which translates as a girl menstruating having odour when i never. Thats a ll i needed spread about me. I was mad n went to computer room on own to read some gothic short stories.
She was in my room one time and sat making fun of me and i took my shoe off and threw it at her face. I did this to one girl and got a sandwhich thrown at me but i learned my lesson. Even when someone hung her out the window she still thought she was erchie. She accused me of copying her like i wanted to her but it was just a couple of coincidences. She was so pig headed. At a competition i orderd the same breakfast and what a sneer i got. But when i ordered sausage beans n chips n her, young loon n slime ball copies me was a different story.
She constantly made fun of my appearanc e and my figure. I had chinese eyes. Funny nose. Dip in my lip. Too pale. Skinny shoulders but big hips. I could handle it from her as she did it to everyone. Her mum made sure she was shielded from a lot of the hardships i had to go through. She was a friend at one time too.
Then when i messed around with a girl our years boyf(i had left school was working) she told everyone we had intercourse in an alley way and were seen which was an out right lie . She thought it was simly harmless and funny.
I was accusd of being a bad influence on her at our sports club. I mind a dad saying i was going to uni, she was going to borstal and A was going to be bg bird in sesame street
At 18 i wanted to die. My brain decided a psychotic break was better. Life is unfair.
At 24 i was so losst and barely recognised myself. I would attempt suicide again.

I know people have tried to help me. Not that i was a charity case. But i must have under estimated a persons capability to be compassionate growng up in an authoritarian environment.
Left right i left my leg in the army