[girlwithbrownhair]

I read on another forum that positive self affirmations make people who had poor self esteem to begin with feel worse, and only helped those who had good self esteem to begin with.

Has anybody else heard of this...??

[Onward2wards]

Yes, I've read articles about that. I don't think my self-esteem is where I want it to be, but I am finding positive affirmations are actually helping.

[LiveThroughThis]

I could see where that could cause more harm than good---if someone is reciting positive affirmations to themselves for a period of time and nothing improves, feeling even sh*ttier makes sense.

I used to do them myself and found after awhile they were mechanical in recitation; I no longer felt empowered by them. They're just not for me anymore. My 2 cents.

[Trippin2.0]

Made me feel shittier for sure. I dont like lying, and reciting those affirmations felt like telling myself lies each morning. The fact that they didnt help either... well, you can see why I stopped reciting them, took them off the wall and ripped them to shreds...

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Made me feel shittier for sure. I dont like lying, and reciting those affirmations felt like telling myself lies each morning. The fact that they didnt help either... well, you can see why I stopped reciting them, took them off the wall and ripped them to shreds...

You nailed it.

[Anika.]

The only positive type affirmations I do, are ones I make up, and that deep down I know are true. I have never tried reading any or that sort of thing. But it does help me, but I do it pretty casually, or when I will be in a situation where I need to remind myself who I am and what I am made of.

I never tried the way of doing that in front of a mirror daily or anything like that. Maybe to make them work better, make personal ones that you do know are true, even if you forget or sometimes doubt that it is so. Or try to just cut out the negative self talk, and dont worry about replacing it with something else. Seems like talking negatively to ourselves is a much easier task, where we don't doubt it's truth, unlike positive self talk.

We seem to need proof of positives, and zero proof of negatives, if we say we are bad at x,y,or z it must be so. If I say I am.good at x, well I better be able to back that up with tons of examples. Seems a bit backwards, and reminding myself of that seems to help.

[girlwithbrownhair]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Made me feel shittier for sure. I dont like lying, and reciting those affirmations felt like telling myself lies each morning. The fact that they didnt help either... well, you can see why I stopped reciting them, took them off the wall and ripped them to shreds...

Exactly!! Thank you all! That's how they make me feel ,too. And I thought I might be the only one! I try to do this one about being smart, happy, and successful, but when I wake up in a house with no heat, hearing rats chew on the walls, knowing the best I can do (which is pretty substantial given I do have a full time job) means I'm living in a unheated, rat-infested coal miner's shack, I sure don't feel happy, smart, or successful. That said, I'm a survivor, but...that doesn't sound like an affirmation, huh? Thank God I have a modicum of a sense of humor, and my kitty cat!

[tokiwartooth]

Nope they don't work for me either. I recite them and nothing happens and it feels lame and fake. Like these self-help gurus who talk about reciting positive mantras, or these motivational speakers, maybe I'm too cynical and bitter but they make me want to smack them in the face and tell them that it isn't that freaking simple.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

Nope they don't work for me either. I recite them and nothing happens and it feels lame and fake. Like these self-help gurus who talk about reciting positive mantras, or these motivational speakers, maybe I'm too cynical and bitter but they make me want to smack them in the face and tell them that it isn't that freaking simple.

Agree for sure.

[Perna]

I think true self talk finds examples rather than just spouting stuff read or thought up, pie in the sky-like? I don't think one can affirm one's self wealthy or successful; that takes planning and hard work, over time. Might as well affirm one is going to win the lottery? And one acts in ways that one feels are "smart"; knowing that your best is substantial, girlwith, that would make me feel/know I was smart! Don't know about happy; that's a personal preference it seems to me; what was it Abraham Lincoln said, "people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"? I'm happy when I'm with friends and loved ones I enjoy or doing something I enjoy. If you aren't doing anything you enjoy doing, why not? Give me a book and 10 minutes to read and I'm happy.

[Trippin2.0]

Perna My affirmation wasnt 'pie in the sky' or copied and pasted, it was a truth that I still cannot 'accept'... I AM WORTHY OF LOVE... so yeah, still didnt help, not even after 2yrs.

Originally Posted by girlwithbrownhair

I read on another forum that positive self affirmations make people who had poor self esteem to begin with feel worse, and only helped those who had good self esteem to begin with.

Has anybody else heard of this...??

i've heard of it, and i'd agree with it.

with me at least when i hear someone talk positive about me or try and talk positive myself, it only makes me feel worse because i know it's a lie- and i'm just saying it to myself to escape the hurt i'm feeling but really it's not very successfull

[LadyShadow]

I have heard of this, and I cant do it, because as someone said it feels like im lying to myself because truly deep down I dont believe it. And its true it can make you feel worse.

But as someone else said if you DO rather than TELL and SAY, you can be happier. Living in the present moment and DOING for yourself at the time you want to make the change for the better is the best way I think.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Made me feel shittier for sure. I dont like lying, and reciting those affirmations felt like telling myself lies each morning. The fact that they didnt help either... well, you can see why I stopped reciting them, took them off the wall and ripped them to shreds...

That was how I used to view affirmations: "This isn't true but if I keep saying it, maybe I'll come to believe it. Then if I start acting accordingly, maybe it'll actually happen."

Nowadays I see affirmations as a way to identify and get a handle on whatever is in the way for me. Here's a good example:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

... it was a truth that I still cannot 'accept'... I AM WORTHY OF LOVE...

It sounds as if the affirmation is already working: you've started noticing that you have something against being worthy of love, and/or of admitting that you're worthy of love. When you're ready, you could try asking yourself: "If I'm not worthy of love how, exactly, do I know that?"

[BlueInanna]

This is really interesting. I haven't read any studies. But I've never been keen on posting positive affirmations on my wall, or reading the little "lift up your spirit" books.

What does help my self esteem is coming to terms with my other self who is trying to improve the way she talks to me. Coming to terms with her that her constant critiquing is mean. So I have learned some more positive self talk, but they are things - like Anika saying - that I believe deep down, things that I have realized I need to hear on my own. Sometimes I try to tell myself the sort of nice things that I would tell a good friend who is suffering in pain.

I can remember as a teenager that my parents made me read Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People ... It didn't do anything for me except make me even more angry and isolated ... Looking back now I see how that was just another slap in the face ... Nothing like getting totally decimated mind, body and soul by your abusers then to have them basically tell you how defective you are for developing a less than stellar outlook on life ... ... !!!

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I can remember as a teenager that my parents made me read Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People ... It didn't do anything for me except make me even more angry and isolated ... Looking back now I see how that was just another slap in the face ... Nothing like getting totally decimated mind, body and soul by your abusers then to have them basically tell you how defective you are for developing a less than stellar outlook on life ... ... !!!

Your parents made you read that as a teen?? I read books in the same category--which eventually proved futile--in my early 20s..yikes, How in the world can someone think a teen, who by default is already identity-seeking, supposed to comprehend material like that? Sheesh.

I have to say, this may be somewhat off topic. But ppl on my Facebook constantly post such affirmations, "In every problem lies an opportunity", "Keep Calm and Carry On", etc. It makes me want to block their posts because they're so frequent. But then I put up equally sarcastic, biting stuff so it evens out,

[Coma Patient 7]

Honestly I think in some cases it may be a case of going to far. For people like us we have to balance our emotions, they swing either way. So it's likely a matter of knowing when to ease up on the positive affirmations, as some people may be more or less sensitive. It's also a case of knowing what you should replace your thoughts with and how to present that information to the rest of your mind. As phrasing is also very important when communicating with yourself. A large part of our problems come from a miscommunication with our minds, so I keep things simple. Colors work really well for changing perspectives "moods" as well. Something that contacts the skin will help you remember easier. A light shade of purple is very soothing, while yellow can be uplifting. You can use memories "childhood ones for me" to help it along and try feel the warmth of color. Use your peripheral vision, to highlight as much of the color you want. I normally use purple, but any color will help you notice all the colors more. This does two things, it draws you out of your head more and the colors help change your mood over time. Personally I found none of them work entirely on their own, but when using several techniques together you can efficiently control your emotions.

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by girlwithbrownhair

I read on another forum that positive self affirmations make people who had poor self esteem to begin with feel worse, and only helped those who had good self esteem to begin with.

Has anybody else heard of this...??

No one else has said it yet. The term for the problem is "counter-suggestion". You say your affirmation and then in the back of your mind in response you get negative responses. It can be helpful to have a pen and paper ready so that when you say an affirmation you can write down all the stuff that your mind comes up with. Maybe the affirmation will feel like a lie and the responses will feel true to you, but the negative responses that you get aren't actually true either. The point of writing it down is to give the back of your mind a chance to be heard so you can let it go. Maybe you will be writing the same stuff down every day for weeks. Don't take it personally. Eventually the stream will dry up. Everyone just wants to be heard and understood - you don't have to agree with any of it, but be respectful and keep writing and keep in mind that it is not really true either. Eventually you can say your affirmation and that will be that. Nothing bad will come back at you. Then you can move on to the next one. You don't need to re-read anything you write down, or show it to your T. Writing it down means you are done with it and you can destroy it.

[-jimi-]

For me, words don't make me better. I feel better when I feel better. If I feel better I understand that it is possible and hopefully I'll remember it.

I take part in things like Say 3 good things about your day and stuff... supposed to make you feel better. I just do for fun. It never EVER affected my mood. Yea, well, sometimes guilt is added if I don't feel grateful enough.... Or I get scared that things will get worse.

I never make up thoughts about people loving me and I'll be a success and stuff. That just makes me vulnerable if I run into someone's negative stuff.

[CastlesInTheAir]

I think they have a higher probability of working with people who are not deep in true depression as a means of "keeping" positive.

With many of us i would say that we actually have to unbrainwash ourselves but clique type of affirmations arent enough.

[cluelesscher]

Originally Posted by CastlesInTheAir

I think they have a higher probability of working with people who are not deep in true depression as a means of "keeping" positive.

This. When you get out of the deep depression, these affirmations can help. For me, it's just letting myself feel good about something positive I've done rather than letting the old "not good enough!" voice creep in. The more I focus on that the more it helps. And realizing that I'm trying to get well, and be a better person. Not perfect, but good enough for me and nobody else. I sound like I am vomiting therapy but I really wasn't...that time.

Someone earlier in this thread said something along the lines of "DO it, rather than think about it or talk about it" - I love that. Don't talk what you wish you had, or what you wish would happen, or how you wish things would change. Change what you can, accept what you can't and do the best you can with it. That is all we can do and it IS enough. Again like Castles said you have to be out of the black hole to do this, agreed.