[Eviespring12]

So I haven't been to a pdoc or anything because my family would either a) throw me out b) refuse to acknowledge me as their kid (they've already told me this, I'm not just guessing out of fear or pessimism or anything)
I've gone to the point of thinking about suicide every week or so or week and a half to bi weekly) but no intent because of my severe fear of death and I actually want to live, just want the pain to leave. I'm also neutral to happy every day but for some reason I tend to get depressive episodes throughout the day once or maybe sometimes more than once a day. I would suddenly lose my smile, get grumpy, everything seems to go wrong, I feel upset, hopeless, wanna cry, I feel like I and so isolated from the world that there is a glass between me and everyone and everything else, to the point that sometimes it feels like the glass is really there and noise gets slightly muffled. These episodes last 1-5 or maybe a little more hours and sometime a day, but then the next day or day after the next day I feel fine, but in the middle of that fine day, I'd get aggitated again, overwhelmed and depressed. Its like a cycle. Lately, depressed or not, I've been getting memory lost, but only ones that involve things like "That man was rude to me" "I failed my test" I would forget them and I would literally go through the day happy as a flower but have this nagging sensation that "sometime's wrong" so I retrace my memory lane and have to dig through my head to remember "Oh...that uneasy thing was that...I failed my test...sh**..." then I would get sad again.

Now here's the thing. I promised myself at the end of last year that I would attempt self help since my family will ignore or laugh (they laugh at my depressed cousin cause he's "faking it") at the depressed. I wrote on the first page of my venting journal that at the start of the year IN BOLD that I would change. Yeah, got me no where. I'm addicted to pessimism and I get those depressive episodes even on my happiest days. I have no friends save for people here but I need to talk face to face, no a journal, not internet support groups...I don't know what I'm doing wrong...I haven't truly smiled since disney land back when I was like 7...I feel like I've forgot how to smile

[KC Steely]

Very sorry for your situation. I can only imagine what it would be like not to have support from family when feelings of depression or helplessness strike. Because I agree with you about talking it out face to face, I urge to try and find a support group. Maybe look through a newspaper or community bulletin board, see what you can find. You could even "compare notes" with your cousin as it sounds like he's also going through a rough patch, that way you can support each other. Then there's always God. He's always there and is happy to listen to problems and might even soothe your spirit and ease your emotions. It's worth a try, isn't it? Take care and I hope things improve for you.

[Eviespring12]

Originally Posted by KC Steely

Very sorry for your situation. I can only imagine what it would be like not to have support from family when feelings of depression or helplessness strike. Because I agree with you about talking it out face to face, I urge to try and find a support group. Maybe look through a newspaper or community bulletin board, see what you can find. You could even "compare notes" with your cousin as it sounds like he's also going through a rough patch, that way you can support each other. Then there's always God. He's always there and is happy to listen to problems and might even soothe your spirit and ease your emotions. It's worth a try, isn't it? Take care and I hope things improve for you.

He's in NYC and I'm in Buffalo. My mum won't let us talk to each other on the phone stating that he is crazy and we aren't allowed to talk to him. He's 18 and I'm 17...he's got a pdoc but my mom would never talk to me again if i went to one. i don't want to be exiled from the family. I work from after school till closing on the weekdays and form opening till closing on days off from school so i don't have time

[hvert]

Is there someone at your school you could talk to, without going through your parents? You may be able to get permission to get out of class once a week to talk to someone at the school.

[Faking sane]

Yes. School counselor. I second that!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Webgoji]

It's a little scary that you're about the same age I was when I first started getting depressive episodes. It took 24 years for them to diagnose me with major depressive disorder. Please keep a close eye on yourself and as others have said, go see a school counselor. If it is something like major depressive disorder,then there's no amount of venting or "sucking it up" that's gonna work because it's a pretty major chemical problem in the brain.

I don't understand these parents these days. It's their job to care for their kids, not ridicule them. It's like when your child comes in with a broken arm and instead of taking them to a doctor you tell them to stop faking it.

*facepalm*

[Hellion]

I don't have any real advice unfortunately, but that sounds like a terrible family situation, so sorry you have to deal with that. It sickens me when someones family would reject them if they have a mental illness and seek treatment for it. I mean what the hell.

I guess trying to talk to the school counseler might help.

Hi Evie,
I have bipolar disorder and have been in your situation. For now, do you have access to a school counselor/nurse, or some other trusted source of authority that you could talk to?

Are you in high school? College? How much longer until you are able to support yourself? To what extent are you financially mobile? Do you have your own health insurance? I ask this because I was able to get help after I left for college. My scholarship subsidized my health insurance, and I got a job on the side. I was able to see psychologists and psychiatrists without having to depend on my parents, or disclosing too much to them. I am much more stable now.

Keep us posted, and best of luck,
Allie