was late for an appointment

I am really upset with myself. I overslept and was slow in getting ready, so I was late for an appointment.

This happens over and over. I know a normal person would just apologize and not let it happen again. But I can't seem to do it.

This is what I do:

1. Rush to get there as soon as I can. Rushing means that I'm slow and clumsy and forgetting things and making stupid mistakes.

2. Apologize profusely and "know" that the other person doesn't believe my apologies and is assuming the worst of me -- that I'm selfish, rude, and stupid.

3. Sometimes cry to prove I'm sincere about being sorry. It doesn't work: it makes things worse. Try to explain why I made this mistake, to prove I wasn't trying to be rude or selfish. They don't believe me, and I make things worse because it sounds like I'm not taking responsibility for my actions.

4. Obsess over it a long time afterward. Tell myself that I'm stupid and worthless and that I should feel deeply ashamed of myself.

5. Want desperately to give up on anything and retreat to someplace so I'll never have to worry about other people thinking badly of me ever again. Want to give up because I'm too tired to try anymore.

6. I can't ever promise it will never happen again, because it will happen again. Not letting it happen again would involve energy and foresight that I don't have and can't imagine myself ever having. I'm too tired and beaten down to prevent it from happening, and if it was that easy to not let it happen, it wouldn't have happened the first time.

7. Tell myself I'm stupid and worthless because I can't make myself be reliable or responsible, and I should be deeply ashamed that I've let myself become this terrible, irresponsible person. Tell myself it's pointless to try to change, because I'll just screw it up. Get so exhausted and disgusted with myself that I just want to go hide somewhere and never do anything again.

8. When other people criticize me for being self-defeatist and not trying hard enough, it just makes me want to retreat even more. I despair of ever getting motivated enough to change, and I must be a terrible, worthless person to not want to try harder.

My life would be so much easier if I could just not screw up. What will it take for me to want to change?

Always Late...my middle name..been that way all my life & im 61. There are some appointments i make sure im on time for but can't do anything all day except get ready to go or i get involved & loise track of time.

My engineering career was a come in any time & go home when finished..could be 24 hrs later or 4..( mostly about 12 hours...unless we had a meeting with the military & presentations were needed. So i never did well with set schedules.

There is a reason for oversleeping like you are tired..sometimes we have to go way back to that.

For me having 3 dogs is like having 3 children...someone is always making some horrible mess that needs cleaned up right before getting out the door that can't be anticipated.

My worst is loosing my keys to my truck. Have spent hours only to find them in my truck on the floor under the drivers seat or between the seats....so i bought those stretchy bands& attached each set of keys to my purse handles.

Defining the problem /cause is wherr to start..then working out a way to solve...thats the DBT mindfulness at work

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This is just my advice, take it with a grain of salt.

Then set yourself up for success. We make mistakes because we are flawed human beings. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't being honest with you and will inevitably fall harder when they trip up.

When you put "know" in quotation marks, I believe it means that they say that it's fine, but you're projecting your own insecurity about what they might be feeling. Is this true, or am I off?

Again, mistakes happen. I used to show up to late to work on one particular day of the year. Can you guess day it was? Bingo. Daylight savings time.

I used to feel bad about this because, well, I didn't want the reputation for being late to work and I was in dire need of the hours. In later years, when I was applying for a job, the question came up of whether or not I was ever late to work, habitually or otherwise.

I owned it and said, "Daylight savings time throws me." The interviewing manager said, "Pfft, that happens to me all the time."

So you were late for an appointment. Own it and be confident in yourself that it could happen to anyone and for any reason. Sure, if it's a job interview, or something like that, there could be a consequence to showing up late. But profoundly apologizing and making a scene over it is not going to improve your situation.

Doctor, it hurts when I do this. So stop doing that.

If people do feel that way about you, then they probably aren't worth your time. The fact is, no one is going to tell you every single day that you are an important part of their world. If you don't believe it yourself how can you even say you would believe them if they did?

Of course you can't and of course it can, because that's life. The sunniest day can turn to a rain storm in a heart beat, no matter what the weather report says. And sometimes you start the day off freezing, throw on a sweater and wind up getting heat stroke later in the day because the thermometer skyrockets to the top by noon.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to deal with the world when you recognize that it's not perfect either.

Doctor, it hurts when I do this. So stop doing that.

It's not my intention to criticize. If I seem harsh or too forward, I apologize, but the fact of the matter is that there was a time when I was in the same boat you were. In took me years to finally get to the point when I could stop letting other people's negativity influence my own thought process.

I hope you can come to the decision that you are a capable person and that your mistakes do not make the whole of you. Out of all of the negative experiences you have had, there has to be one that makes you happy. Think of that experience. That one experience or thought, or feeling that makes you smile and fills you with a rush of endorphins that makes it hard not to smile.

If you let that one positive thing come to the front, I promise you things will get better. That's the only advice I can offer as the standard human being who has been down your road and I hope it's something you can draw from.