Your Most Productive Self-Help Idea

Thanks to Sky's wonderful thread, sharing your happiest 2006 moment, we have had a chance to focus on the positive, get some strokes for our accomplishments, and learn a little about each other with joy.

I'm not sure if this question may be too complicated to tackle in posts of a similar nature, but I'm wondering if any of you would like to share about a self-help step you took.

Some things overlap, so this may be too much duplication. For example, some of Juliana's happiest moments involved doing things that might also qualify as self-help actions.

Perhaps there are specific actions or steps that some of us took that had positive outcomes that others of us might want to try.

At any rate, that's my thought.

i am a photographer, as most of you know. i've recently started sorting negatives and it has helped me so much.

i can look at a negative and immediately know when, where and why i took the photograph and that elicits great memories of the moment and i can't wait to get to the next page.......i've made good strides in getting more done on the book just by stirring up the good stuff........

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fayerody said:
i am a photographer, as most of you know. i've recently started sorting negatives and it has helped me so much.

i can look at a negative and immediately know when, where and why i took the photograph and that elicits great memories of the moment and i can't wait to get to the next page.......i've made good strides in getting more done on the book just by stirring up the good stuff........

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That sounds really good, Pat. You deserve a book. Is your advice then, to "just to do it" -- the get started working on one's dreams and the projects we always keep at the back of the closet or bottom of the drawer?

This is a great idea.

One of the things that has helped me the most is reminding myself that it's okay to WANT things. I spent such a long time trying to stave off depression by focusing on gratitude all the time. Gratitude is a wonderful thing, but I took it to an extreme. I was afraid to strive for anything more than what I already had because I thought that would be an ungrateful thing to do. I had talked myself into accepting the status quo and constantly reminding myself to just be grateful that things weren't WORSE. That ended up being self-defeating.

I didn't start to face and tackle my agoraphobia and anxiety until I began telling myself that it was okay to want a fuller life. My therapist helped a lot with this. I had to accept that wanting a good job, a social life, travel, love etc. aren't signs of ingratitude... and it was hard for me to admit that I wanted those things (because I was so afraid I couldn't have them). I had to work on envisioning myself having those things again, and telling myself that I'm not undeserving or unworthy of those things. I needed to set specific goals for myself and think about the ways in which I could work at attaining them and fight the urge to consider myself ungrateful for wanting.

P.S. Something else that has been very productive for me has been knitting. I'm not calm and focused enough to meditate, but when I'm engrossed in a knitting project -- just focusing on my hands and the stitches, the sound of the needles clicking, the feel of the yarn sliding round my fingers -- it's like a form of meditation for me. I go into a state mindfulness. I'm in the moment and free from stress and the maelstrom of thoughts that rush through my head most of the time. Yoga does this for me too.

That sounds wonderful, Pat. I've seen some of your photographs and they're spectacular! I can only imagine all the memories looking at them evokes for you.

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Juliana said:

One of the things that has helped me the most is reminding myself that it's okay to WANT things. I spent such a long time trying to stave off depression by focusing on gratitude all the time. Gratitude is a wonderful thing, but I took it to an extreme. I was afraid to strive for anything more than what I already had because I thought that would be an ungrateful thing to do.

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I struggle with that balance too, but for a different reason. I have not achieved so many goals (wants) that I feel that not to have any is the best way to keep from getting hurt. Also many forms of spirituality seem to counsel detachment -- but one of my counselors also pointed out that this can be an escape from being engaged in life.

Then, too, as I've gotten older, I've found it more challenging to believe that I have what it takes to achieve my goals.

wants, i am 63......i still get into rodeo arenas, in front of the chutes, and take pictures. my deal has always been to confront what i fear most. i feared rejection of the book and so i dug out the negatives and had a complete turnaround. it's a damned good book and funny as all get out! and the photographs soar!!!

you're such a good writer!! if i could write like you do, i'd be estatic. i have to struggle for each sentence. the writer, Tom Robbins, says that he never leaves a sentence until it's perfect. it's that hard for me, on the book. i have to work and work on one sentence. and you just fly with words......

and what Juliana said is also so true for us. it's okay to want things and to get them. and lately, since i started back on the book, more and more good things are coming my way. (forget that the patient bit me this week) today i found, free, at an antique shop three quaint window frames that are perfect for CHEAP mirrors......i'll lean them against the walls.

i agree with Juliana, visualizing it works. i see myself at a booksigning in Austin and at Texas A&M (possible publisher)and i know it's going to happen. i'm going to dye my hair red too!!!

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Wants2Fly said:

I struggle with that balance too, but for a different reason. I have not achieved so many goals (wants) that I feel that not to have any is the best way to keep from getting hurt. Also many forms of spirituality seem to counsel detachment -- but one of my counselors also pointed out that this can be an escape from being engaged in life.

Then, too, as I've gotten older, I've found it more challenging to believe that I have what it takes to achieve my goals.

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I still struggle with this, for the same reasons you mentioned. I have a terrible fear of disappointment and the best way to avoid disappointment is to not open myself up for it... same goes for getting hurt. So, part of my therapy was accepting the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed, but realizing that I'm strong enough to handle those things.

One of my goals is to be in a loving, committed relationship and to have a child. As I get older (I'm 37 now), I worry that the window of opportunity (especially for having a child) may have closed. So, sometimes it's a lot easier for me (and safer) to pretend I don't want those things. I try not to give in to that defeatist attitude, though. I keep my hope alive and trust that I am strong enough to handle the disappointment if I don't attain those goals.

I realize in hindsight that my extreme gratitude while I had severe BPPV and agoraphobia, was a powerful (and positive) self-protection mechanism. I knew that if I fell into depression while I was in that situation, I might not be able to pull myself out of it. So, I used gratitude -- focusing on everything that was still good in my life and not thinking about the things I wished were better -- to keep myself from falling into that depression. Once I saw the hope of recovery, I had to work on letting go of that extreme gratitude, or else I would have been stuck... never moving forward with my life. One of the repercussions has been some depression since I have gotten my life back on track. Once I allowed myself to think about the time I had lost and focus on the things I still want, it was hard to deal with. It has been worth it, though. I'm making gains... little by little... one day at a time.

Gratitude is still a big part of my life, but I have learned to let some some aspirations in there too. It is still a struggle trying to find the balance.

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fayerody said:

i agree with Juliana, visualizing it works. i see myself at a booksigning in Austin and at Texas A&amp;M (possible publisher)and i know it's going to happen. i'm going to dye my hair red too!!!

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I'll be there for your book-signing! I'll be the little blonde woman jumping up and down and waving.

Oh I wish I could be there at the book signing with Juliana. I'll be there in spirit. Can't wait to see the red hair. Best wishes.

I guess my most productive self-help idea was when, 5-8 years ago, just after the new millenium and my 50th birthday (I was born in 1950 :-) etc. I did the exercise where one is "older" (I picked 85 as that's about the "average" my grandparents/ancestors lived to) and looking back over one's life to see what one would "regret."

I realized then that though I had changed majors in college, in 1971, and gotten a degree in a different subject, I still loved my original subject that I'd wanted to major in. I questioned, in my "regret" thinking, "What happened with my love of _______?"

I began to do some research and found my current school has/had the same course that frightened me into changes majors then and that, since it had been 30+ years, I was no longer the frightened, inhibited person I was at 30 so I decided to take that course and see what I could see. I did, got an "A," loved the course, and decided to get a second degree in that major. I made up a tentative plan then and I graduate in 4-5 weeks now :-) with a degree in that major, my original love since high school.

There were many additional benefits to this idea/plan; my school is 100% online so a great deal of writing and I have always loved to write and research and so I have been truly enjoying my courses from that aspect also and realizing how my 30+ years experience in life has affected me and truly been "My" life and how it has all fit together well. Too, I was a mediocre student 30+ years ago but now I get straight A's so, while there was no hope of my going to graduate school back then ever, now I could if I desired.

The added confidence following through on this idea has given me have only added to my self-esteem and life as a whole :-)

Congratulations, Perna, on your upcoming degree. Now that is an amazing way of stepping out into life.

Two quotes that have been helpful to me:

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."--Aristotle

"When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done."--Lou Holtz

I tend to endless research or think about my goals & not take ACTION. These remind me that I need to DO in order to reach any of the goals I want.--Suzy

SO true, for me, too. Add "admire yourself for having the courage to start again," then "act quickly . . . .to implement the change -- sometimes, if I can take one action, ANY action, I feel so much better. It's going from one to another, without stalling, that's so hard. My quotes are from MJ Ryan & Bob Greene (admire yourself), in the book, THIS YEAR I WILL. . . .

My husband said to me: "feelings follow actions" . . .

Supposedly two severely depressed patients were helped by the simple act of making a mark on a piece of paper
(Feeling Good, David Burns). I have days when I don't do much more than that. I suffer from "DoNothingism," (same book), and that leads to more misery. This is my latest self-help book. If it leads me to ACTION, then it's the best.

I have been collecting quotations since I was in my 20s. It is great to be exposed to the ones that have been helpful to others.

Are you a member at thinkexist.com? It's an amazing resource for quotes. I love that site.

Dear Wants2Fly,

I enjoyed reading the quotations a lot too. good t o find like-minded people who just loves sharing their ideas and quotations. I always feel that hearing a quotation or idea is like knowing the life story or autobiography of that person who quoted it.

To me, it feels like drawing the accumulated wisdom, knowledge of that person that i could integrate into my own life accordingly.

i dont have my most productive self-help idea yet but i thought why not i quote someone else's most productive self-help idea.

just last week, I chanced upon a recent rare interview of Bob Proctor's (one of the secret teachers) on the internet. i thought sharing his story and also his very own most productive self-help ideas is a good thing. So we can tap and draw on his wisdom and knowledge of life. Hopefully, it can help some of us overcome our challenges whatever the challenges may be. Because, you can bet, he was in the same shoes as most of us were and it lightened my heart reading his interview. you can download it for free reading at www.abundancemanifesting.com/freereport