Feeling...... well not much of anything productive

I've posted a few times on another forum. I have been struggling my whole life with depression, episodes of psychosis, anger, mania, etc. I have been on Topamax and Vistaril for a month now. My mood swings are not as rapid as they were but when they hit they are worse than they were before. I've been in a depressive state for over 2 weeks now and I can't get out of it. I still don't sleep at night and I find myself crying my eyes out for no reason at all. I have been on and off of medications since I was 15 and nothing seems to help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have 2 children, I feel so worthless because I am unable to work, I have to live with family to help me take care of them. And I HATE that. It is all overwhelming and it seems like it is never going to go away. I have been in therapy, seeing psychologists, and a gp about this. They never explain to me what they think is wrong with me, they just shove medication after medication on me. It is irritating me. I am to the point I barely leave my home at all. I just don't know what else to do. Anyone have any advice on how to better cope? Thanks

Brina,
I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all better for you....If only life was that easy. Would it help to talk to your Pdoc and let him/her know how the meds are/aren't working? Just wanted you to know I read your post, I'm here, and I care!

Dee

Hm, it sounds like you dind't have good doctors so far. I think you should still believe in medical help, but you should focus on these disappointing things you just outlined, and make the point clear with your doc, or even better start over with a new one.

I am taking meds for depression (my case is easier) from 6 years (I'm 36) My pdoc adjusted the prescription twice, in response to variations of the frequency and intensity of depressive episodes, and everytime he gave me full explanation, but only after I requested it. Many patients just don't want to know...

As for the therapy, obviously it'is the most diffcult thing for a depressive, but you need to be ASSERTIVE with the therapist and make clear that you want to set therapeutic goals. If you can't figure them out, then you should address this first: "doctor, I want you to help me to make up my mind about what exactly my therapy should be aimed at".

Well, I hope thees considerations may be of help.

The best of luck!

I agree with Stefano, you need a pdoc you can talk to and who you trust to go through medication options with. It sounds like you need more help with the depression side of things. How long do your new drugs take to have an effect?
DBT - related to CBT - dialectical behavioural therapy - has been brought up elsewhere on the site. It's central theme is 'making a life worth living' and a number of good hospitals near where I live have DBT programs. Emotion regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal relationships and ... something else that I've forgotten. Practical ways to deal with mental illness.
Hang in there!
Debbie

Hi there. I totally hear you about wanting to know why. One reason they may not be telling you what they think is wrong is because they just don't know. How exactly non-reactive depression is triggered is still largely a mystery.

I haven't found therapy to help with the depression directly, but CBT was enourmously beneficial in helping me come to terms with the fact that I didn't cause this and that my brain is lying to me when it tries to tell me that I'm a bad person and worthless. CBT essentially trains you to consciously "catch" irrational thoughts and substitute rational ones in their place, which in turn helps your behavior. Investigate it and see if it's something you think might interest you.

Lastly, trying a lot of different meds isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe one will work for you, after all. What I would be concerned about is a doctor who doesn't seem to give a damn and isn't responsive to you when you have concerns (I've had that type before).

It sounds like you've tried hard to find a solution. Keep it up. You're worth it.