[eggplantlife]

Okay, I really have nothing, but my friend and her family who took me in because I had no job and money. I was scared for a while that my depression would cause them to kick me out like my family did. Today, I'm feeling better and those thoughts are out of my mind for now. I guess, with help of this forum, my friend and other factors. So that I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time, someone on the forum asked me what my goals were. It got me thinking about my future.

So here I am now. It's been over 2 months that I'm living in a state I don't know anyone, but her. I haven't done much but been depressed and living in anxiety. Today is the first time I feel open to possibilities. I realized that I would need to find my own place. I need to make money and start a new life. When I came here, all I thought about was that I was going to be with my close friend and that it was my last chance to survive.

So almost everything that was my life in the past is gone. I'm 45 and I need to start from beginning.

This is very scary for me. Most days I don't know where to start.

I was trying in NY for 2.5 years to get a job in a field I was in originally. I did get a part-time job and with the help of the government's back to work program, I had a job. It didn't pay well and there were other problems...and then I somehow found myself without job and money. But mostly, I didn't get a job that would give me a living income or got back into the field. I had vague plans in NY. Most was to get a job and then everything will follow. But I didn't get a job and everything that followed was a result of not having a job.

My friend offer me a place to stay and work for her company. I'm not getting paid as they don't have the money, but I have room and board and their company which I am thankful for.

Now, I'm ready to set some kind of future goal. I know one of them is to get a job that I make some money. I have been having a problem with this from the time I have been here. I can't seem to get out there and ask for a job. First for me was that everything is far away, but now, I see there are little stores around me. Not much. So I know that is one of the first things I have to do.

But I need some kind of structure about how my future is going - I think. Maybe that is what I need to be my push.

Because for some reason, I don't seem to do what I need to do to be self-sufficient. I know my fault and how that makes me sound like a lazy person. I didn't used to be like this.

I'm just asking for any help or idea to get me moving.

[eggplantlife]

I must admit that while I was in NY, I dealt a huge amount of time dealing with my family abandoning me and the lack of love in my life. I had therapy and medication to help me from crying every day and at wrong times. I do not have a means to get medication or therapy right now. I did search out for love from the opposite sex which lead no where but I did find a couple of good guys. Nothing came out of those. Now, they aren't even in my life and I seem to have no more interest in that.
So I did accomplish a lot there, but not the income situation I needed to survive in this life though my soul feels a little bit at ease.

I also have a huge debt that I need to handle.

[eggplantlife]

Oh, I guess, this site isn't for something like this. I'm kind of at a loss right now.

[DelusionsDaily]

Hi I just read this and was giving some thought to how to help you.

First I would start with small goal. Looking for a job can be a daunting task for most and even more so when dealing with depression. Maybe start with one job application/resume sent out to an employer each day.

Some things for depression...it's not easy...go for a short walk each day even just a half mile.

Anyway those were my thoughts.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

Hi I just read this and was giving some thought to how to help you.

First I would start with small goal. Looking for a job can be a daunting task for most and even more so when dealing with depression. Maybe start with one job application/resume sent out to an employer each day.

Some things for depression...it's not easy...go for a short walk each day even just a half mile.

Anyway those were my thoughts.

Although, I don't have negative thoughts, maybe I am still depressed because doing the small tasks seem daunting. I think it's behavior patterns I got used to. I will think of a small task each day that is repeated. Yes, that might help me going.

For some reason, most advice have me exercising. Right now, what makes me go out is for smoking which is one thing I want to give up but it gets me to go outside. My brain and body doesn't seem to go outside for walks. Maybe I don't like the neighborhood and seeing the surrounding makes me depressed, I have to figured out where I will make myself do it everyday. I still don't go outside of the house I'm staying at. I'm going to try to go to the library today so that'll give me 30 minutes to walk.

Thank you for your advice. I will try hard and figure out how I'll make myself do it.

[hvert]

Even if you start really small, like setting a timer for five minutes, it's moving forward. Sometimes we need to take very baby steps to get back on track. I hope you made it out for your walk -- exercise really makes a big difference for me. (And I know this yet still don't do it?!!)

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by hvert

Even if you start really small, like setting a timer for five minutes, it's moving forward. Sometimes we need to take very baby steps to get back on track. I hope you made it out for your walk -- exercise really makes a big difference for me. (And I know this yet still don't do it?!!)

I didn't make it to library, but I made it for a quick walk outside.

[eggplantlife]

I did make it to the library -- twice. I printed out resume. Now, I need to apply to places. Really scared about my future. I'm spending a lot of time in my head. Trying to be happy, but I think I don't like my life.

[nogard88]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

I did make it to the library -- twice. I printed out resume. Now, I need to apply to places. Really scared about my future. I'm spending a lot of time in my head. Trying to be happy, but I think I don't like my life.

The feelings you portray in these threads are so similar to mine, although, our circumstances are very different, a mirror image if you must, but the honest feelings of not knowing what is going on in your own life on a daily basis, the struggle of life and living, change, good or bad, new experiences, constantly wandering through the intertwined paths of your mind, never knowing what to expect, when or where, always feeling so tired of it all, this constant struggle of trying to find yourself, to get up each day and try again, because you know you have the potential, just hoping, wishing the right people will see it or find you, always feeling like life has overshadowed you, giving you the greatest gifts, but not teaching you how to use them, always feeling unaccomplished, never satisfied with who you are or what you look like, not caring what others think, yet constantly feeling as though you are under observation by society and their vague misconception on "what life should be" (people's similarities) instead of what each individual can bring to the table. If you feel anything like me, then you too are tired of JUST being, and unhappy with constantly JUST accepting your fate...

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by nogard88

The feelings you portray in these threads are so similar to mine, although, our circumstances are very different, a mirror image if you must, but the honest feelings of not knowing what is going on in your own life on a daily basis, the struggle of life and living, change, good or bad, new experiences, constantly wandering through the intertwined paths of your mind, never knowing what to expect, when or where, always feeling so tired of it all, this constant struggle of trying to find yourself, to get up each day and try again, because you know you have the potential, just hoping, wishing the right people will see it or find you, always feeling like life has overshadowed you, giving you the greatest gifts, but not teaching you how to use them, always feeling unaccomplished, never satisfied with who you are or what you look like, not caring what others think, yet constantly feeling as though you are under observation by society and their vague misconception on "what life should be" (people's similarities) instead of what each individual can bring to the table. If you feel anything like me, then you too are tired of JUST being, and unhappy with constantly JUST accepting your fate...

Just saw your reply. Yes, am unhappy accepting my fate...but I'm doing okay at this moment though not sleeping. No happy but okay or content or Judy okay.

Can't believe I posted this in may. I have a very flexible part time job where I don't get paid much but it is a job and I get paid so thankful for that. With help from god...went to church and people there have been nice. Depression comes on and off, but okay this moment though not sleeping well.

Goal now is to get my dog back. New life goal setting never happened. Only thing to look forward to is getting my dog back. I am scared how to provide for myself ...still living with friend.

Yup, very little have changed but changes were made.

Still trying to walk every day but don't make it most says.

[lacerta]

For me it sounds that actually you are in very good position - a close friend by your side and a job for living, right?
I agree with the previous that finding a job and living on your own might be too hard task at the beginning.
Try to schedule your day at the first. Shower, walk or exercise from youtube, it might be even 15 mins at the first. Helping to clean the house or cook for the whole family.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by lacerta

For me it sounds that actually you are in very good position - a close friend by your side and a job for living, right?
I agree with the previous that finding a job and living on your own might be too hard task at the beginning.
Try to schedule your day at the first. Shower, walk or exercise from youtube, it might be even 15 mins at the first. Helping to clean the house or cook for the whole family.

Yeah, it's okay. Job is not really many hours and hard labor. But money coming in. I try to help around.
Big improvement is able to change mind to think positive. Hopefully rest will follow.
Reading "think and grow rich" hopefully this helps.

[hvert]

It sounds like you've made a lot of progress since May -- congrats! I'm still not walking every day either

[eggplantlife]

Think and grow rich book didn't help. Can't believe how long ago it was. Still same stuck.

[eggplantlife]

Something got to change for better.

[eggplantlife]

I feel like i wrote a lot here but i only have 390 posts. Feels like so much more. Maybe because i usually write long ones...hahaha...

[ethanbridges]

Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing fine. I think you actually are

Times may be hard, but you can see it as an opportunity to grow further. You are receiving kindness from your friend, you're getting help--I think that's great!

Now that you're there, just keep on doing the advice they told you above. And try to push the limits. If you have a part-time job, why not get another one? You're taking walks, reading books, do them more. These things help improve yourself, and that includes stopping feeling bad about yourself

Keep it up!

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

But I need some kind of structure about how my future is going - I think. Maybe that is what I need to be my push.

Structure might be my stake to cling to, too. Hope I can join here (I'm new and haven't read all the answers here).

Two important structuring goals for tomorrow. 1) To get out of bed in the morning. 2) After breakfast I will become so tired that I have to go to sleep again. I think that the crucial point is when I wake up from the extra sleep. I often feel depressed and of no use. So my goal here is to eat my second breakfast (lunch) and then try to force myself to start to do something (cleaning for the time being).

Hope it was OK that I posted here!

[ladytiger]

At least you have room and board with a trusted as mine wouldn't help me in the past. I have a part time job that pays good but I work 25 hrs a week and I have been there a lil over a year now. I am going to transition to full time as soon as an employer gives me an offer then I can leave my job and actually move this summer. I am grateful for the current job I have now otherwise I'd still be stuck with no job and still applying like no tomorrow.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

At least you have room and board with a trusted as mine wouldn't help me in the past. I have a part time job that pays good but I work 25 hrs a week and I have been there a lil over a year now. I am going to transition to full time as soon as an employer gives me an offer then I can leave my job and actually move this summer. I am grateful for the current job I have now otherwise I'd still be stuck with no job and still applying like no tomorrow.

Yes, I had another trusted who wouldn't. I actually had to leave her place because no money then another place before 3 rd friend help me out. She actually may have ...no! She saved my life. I am do much better now then then and 3 years ago.

I still am stuck though I am feeling better.

Doing grateful thing might have helped, but I really still feel kind of lonely though not really. But been working on accepting this feeling nd trying to change my story.

Move forward.

[hvert]

I'm glad you're feeling better. I sort of feel like things are slightly better than a year ago, but I still feel stuck also, and like I am not doing what I should.

Here is to forward movement, however small it may be

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by hvert

I'm glad you're feeling better. I sort of feel like things are slightly better than a year ago, but I still feel stuck also, and like I am not doing what I should.

Here is to forward movement, however small it may be

Hvert,
It is nice to see you here again. Big hug.
I let go of my identity of my past career which free me from feeling I had it better before and the all that negative stuff. It really freed me, but now what to do in the future is still not set. I am doing "dead time" which is just do nothing and be in the quiet moment...I guess. I thought I did that but then I was trying to look for something. I guess I am still doing that.nwhen you are quiet you are suppose to listen to yourself.
I am in a different kind of suck- I guess. But this second as I write, i don't feel stuck.
Please write back.
Would like to keep up with what is happening with you.