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#1
May 20, 2009, 02:12 AM
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I haven't cut in almost 6 mos....have been supporting a friend who cuts....and a dormant chain reaction is well in progress. Cuting....i REALLY hurt myself.....stitches...etc. and it means the door has been opened....deep severe depression...and a history of psych. wards for suic, OD's, schiz. breaks, absolute undoing of any desire to NOT self destruct. Two nights ago...first time in 6 mos...i went into a fugue....went alot farther than i thought would happen....and had a VERY severe med. situation going....NO hosp....NO help...to be honest....NOW...i'm really embracing EVERY old demon....curling up with my darkness...i have a psych. support team n case man.....they are on red alert....my C. man. SAW the aftermath of that night....so i'm being oh so careful about letting on what is REALLY going on....my autopilot has taken over....coming to a head with another total schiz/sanity breakdown.....the depression is SO bad....so i don't have to feel.....there is nothing that will avoid this familiar, and newly more aggressive, intense, and far more destructive series of events.....BUT....this is cutting forum.....i guess we all have to start somewhere eh? I'm scaring people who KNEW i cut.....So if there are any of you who are really jaded, and experienced......maybe you might have some insight for me.......maybe u see something i don't. THANKS.
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 Some days....you bleed just to know your alive.
Last edited by Christina86; May 23, 2009 at 10:20 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
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#2
May 22, 2009, 11:40 PM
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I'm sorry no one responded to your post before now - I'm hardly in here anymore unless i mess up because it is too triggering. I'm not what you seek and have no real helpful info, but I am glad you are really letting your psych support team see how things really are for you. All i can do is wish you the best and let you know you've been heard.
*hugs if you want them* kiya
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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 specialdarkness
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#3
May 23, 2009, 10:19 AM
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(((((((((((specialdarkness)))))))))))))))
I admit, that sometimes helping other people with their cutting and self-injury tendencies pushes me over the edge and makes me want to hurt myself. It sucks, that when we try to help others we can wind up suffering because of it. I've tried helping people who have been worse off than me (self-injury wise) and it always bites me in the butt. I hate the triggers that it causes. So, so so much. You did good on six months. Keep trying. One moment at a time, however cliche that sounds. 
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| Kiya, specialdarkness
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#4
May 24, 2009, 05:52 PM
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I havnt been around much either.... triggery - but I saw your post and wanted to say this....
its hard - somtimes things trigger you so bad that you fall down - but you can get back up - you can - you can do this - you did it before - you cando it again - second by second - minute by minute - hour by hour - I am doing the same thing too -  remember the reasons why you stopped - remember why you stopped - remember that there are better ways to cope - less harmful ones - remember we are here to help you - post rather than cut - I know that is soooo hard to do - your feelings are valid - you deserve to be cared for not hurt - please take care of you ok
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| specialdarkness
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#5
May 24, 2009, 06:38 PM
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yep - i'm hour by hour too.... already used 2 other bad coping mechanisms... gotta hold off on this one. I hope we all can. hang in there. hour by hour.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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| specialdarkness
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#6
May 24, 2009, 07:12 PM
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I hear you too
 
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| specialdarkness
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#7
May 25, 2009, 04:34 AM
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Well......things have reached boiling point once again......
All i can say is i want to see some real damage. If u actually read my posts in depression, you know where i'm at. It's time again.......time to let the misery out and bring pain i can actually deal with. Sorry......i have to. It's all i have to hold onto anymore.
__________________
Some days....you bleed just to know your alive.
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#8
May 25, 2009, 05:29 AM
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I am sorry specialdarkness - take care of yourself ok - be safe - call someone if you can
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#9
Jun 02, 2009, 01:09 AM
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Specialdarkness, I wish you'd also reach out to a non-virtual human who can help you. You deserve help - we all do.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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