In my fit of depression I slipped. I was so upset I hardly remember it. Call it psychosis or whatever you will, but the botom line is I slipped. Not I'm only 4 days "clean." It had been like 2 months. Damn!

Ry

[silver_queen]

((((((((((Ry))))))))))) sorry to hear that. thing is you can begin again though and count from now onwards. i'm sure you can make two months again. maybe not now if you're still derpesssed, but sometime when things have calmed down you'll be able to start counting again .

Silver

[Rapunzel]

(((((((Ryan))))))))

You put up a good fight, and you won that battle every day for two months! That's an accomplishment. Now see if you can beat it this time. The progress that you made still counts. I hope you are feeling better now.
Wendy

[Nerak]

(((((((((((Ryan))))))))) sorry you slipped. Look at it this way - 4 days is great and 4 days + 4 days + 4 days...... soon will be lots of days. You are doing great.

[jetblackaura]

(((((((((((((((Ry))))))))))))))

everyone slips up, and 2months is AWESOME. Don't worry about it.
love
Claire

((((((((((Silver))))))))))

I know I can make it again. I've made it longer than that before. Problem is that I'm not sure if I even want to try. I've been debating that for 4 days now. Thank you, silver, for all that you do for me here.

Ry

((((((((((Wendy))))))))))

Well, you make aq very good point. And I'm praying that I can find reasons not to cut. For years it was the ex cause it freaked her out, but I could talk to her about it when I wanted to do it and it made me not want to. Could I use you guys like that? Pretty please?

Ry

((((((((((Fury))))))))))

I love how you make it seem like it's not a big deal. If I can keep that inmind maybe I won't be so hard on myself. That only makes me wanna do it more. How did someone so young get to be so wise?

Ry

((((((((((Karen))))))))))

I never thought of it that way. Thanks sweetie. That helps. I just have to remember to come back here and read all these kind words when the urges kick in.

Ry

((((((((((Claire))))))))))

Hey, thanks. I'm trying to take yall's advise and not worry about it. Maybe I can start taking walks again now that it's pretty outside. That always helps.

Ry

[Rapunzel]

Ryan,

Yes, of course you can talk to us about it when you want to cut. And even if you slip, you're still the same person we care about, and you're still great, and we will keep caring all the same.

Wendy

[Hope4me2]

Ry,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
please do not be so hard on yourself.
When I fail my T tells me so what so you slipped up no one died so you just dust yourself off and start again...beating yourself up over it will only make you want to SI more.....I know this first hand myself...
so take care and give yourself a hug for me...........
your such a great inspiration and encouragment to me.
I slipped the other night ....but I am just starting counting the days again instead of beating myself....
LOVE YOU RY take care

Well, I want to SI right now. I made a hard decision last night about my ex. I told her that she had to be out by Friday night. It's the right thing to do, but I'm a little excited and anxious at the same time. I haven't lived alone in years cause I always had a gf or roommates. Not I get to. I wanna SI to help me settle down. I'd hate to start another BP cycle over this and SI will cool my jets.

Ry

[Eva1nder]

((((((Ryan))))))))

Ryan...I'm not sure about you, but I use SI as a my main coping mechanism...well actually it is my only real coping mechanism.

So if you're going through rough times and you take away someone's way to cope...well you can imagine when things pile up...well the load gets mighty heavy.

My I remember reading on an SI site that sometimes it's not always the best thing to go cold turkey in times of crisis...to ween off.

Especially depending on certain cases. I talked to my T about that ...and at the time my situation I was in control so he said to stop beating myself up as well.

I don't know if this helped or not, but the expectations you are setting on yourself along with just trying to get on your feet is a lot. Then if you "slip" you have an awful lot of guilt.

That guilt is a lot to burden. I just know how that feels and I hope you won't be so hard on yourself in light of all your going through.

Sorry for the long reply.

Hope you feel better soon.

Take good care (((Ryan)))
Eva

Thanks Eva. I'm trying and I have to go to the post office soon so if I can make it till then then I won't be able to do it for a little while and by the time I get home maybe I won't want to.

Ry

[Eva1nder]

sry..just meant not to be so hard on yourself

take care

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((Ryan)))))))))))))

I'm thinking of you. I'm going to hope that you'll hold out on the SI but if you don't, you know that we're here to support you whatever decision you make about it. Remember that there is also a list of distractions posted on this forum which may help.

Thanks ((((((((((silver)))))))))). I've used that list before and I'm gonna use it again. The post office trip helped. I'm doing my best without the distractions. If it gets too bad I'll use the list again. You're an angel.

Ry

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{Ryan}}}}}}}}

SI is our only coping mechanism for quite a few of us. That really makes it rough when you have a crisis to face. I really like the list of distractions, and those can help when you want to give in to the urge, but you know that it isn't what you want in the long run, you know? We also have to work on developing new coping methods, and that just might be harder. I guess it's best if we can find a way to address and deal with the issue. In your case, deciding to ask your ex to move out is dealing with what is going on in your life, although that's creating a new issue in the process, isn't it? So what could you think of to deal with that? How about invite some friends over? Or think of advantages of having your space to yourself, and things that you will enjoy as solitary activities?

I totally understand this being difficult, and I care about you and respect you however you get through this time.

Wendy