On the edge of breaking down

I am so confused right now. I feel like dieing would help me, but then the baby wouldn't be given a chance at life so I am trying ever so hard to fight the urge just for her. How long will it last that is the question. People in my life just dont understand how I am hurting because I am the type of person who doesnt like to show it. My mind and body want some type of relief that this wont last forever. I try to talk to my T about this but she just thinks that continueing with the trauma therapy will help. I kinda feel and think that its making me feel way worse. I cant continue to live my life in constant pain and fear. I am screamin' for help inside but I am happy on the outside. I am the type of person that just cant show my pain so I act like everything is all good and life is treating me okay when its just completely the opposite. The ONLY reason I am trying to hang in there is because of the baby but I have this overwhelming feeling that after I give birth things are just going to fall apart really quickly. I know that the adoption is the best answer for the babys sake. Its just that everything is starting to become so overwhelming right now to me. I am not stupid I cant raise a baby on my own with no supports. I have several medical problems like Epilepsy and Chrons disease. So she (baby) would be better off with a family that could take care of her and give her what she needs in life to succeed. Its just that right now how am I going to get thru these next 12 weeks without doing anything harmful to myself. I seriously hope that who ever is reading this doesnt think that I am crazy because of the thoughts and feelings I am having. I would never intentionally hurt my baby. I am extrememly sleep deprived and stressed out right now. I know that I need help but the hospitals think that I am a joke and attention seeking and I am not. Its seems like the only people in life that understand at least half of what I am goign thru are the people on this site so I figured I'd give it my all and hold nothing back. Ahhhhh I need to cut but I dont want to because it does nothing for me anymore except make new scars. Maybe I will go to the emergency room and talk to someone about whats going on or I will call crisis services. IDK.

(((((((( tmac ))))))))))

Please seek in-real-life support right now, go to ER and explain your true feelings for you and your unborn baby's sake.

It's good that you know you need help and you are trying to do what is best for your baby. Trauma therapy will help in the long run, but it often gets worse before it gets better. I'm surprised your T is having you go through it while your pregnant. If you think you can't make it on your own you really should go to the ER and tell them how you're feeling. If might be helpful if you printed what you wrote on here, sometimes it's hard to explain things in person, especially when you don't think they will believe you.

Hang in there.

p.s. I"m glad you realize that you arn't able to handle things right now and are considering adoption. That is a very brave and resposible thing.

((((((((((((tmac87)))))))))))))

Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Tell your T that you're NOT working on trauma stuff right now, you've got too much other stuff going on. Sounds like you need more support for dealing with pregnancy and all the other stuff.

I'm glad you're holding on, continue to do that.

Pegasus is also right - if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts, it might be best to get to a hospital or talk to a doctor immediately. There is such thing as hormones during pregnancy making your moods worse, and for some people they can get severe depression after giving birth. Get the support you need right now - you deserve all the help you can get.

Yes, please ask for help immediately. I had horrible intrusive thoughts and felt like I wanted to die to get rid of them during my pregnancy. My child is the reason I didn't hurt myself. I did have a very severe postpartum depression too.

You are strong. You CAN make it through. I do understand what you are feeling, and I don't judge you.

I will be thinking of you and the baby.

((((((((((((( tmac87 ))))))))))))))

How are you doing Tmac?

[quote=tmac87;1113728]I am so confused right now. I feel like dieing would help me, but then the baby wouldn't be given a chance at life so I am trying ever so hard to fight the urge just for her. Please keep trying to fight the urges for dieting and SI.

I try to talk to my T about this but she just thinks that continueing with the trauma therapy will help. I kinda feel and think that its making me feel way worse. I feel that if this is to much right now, your T should respect and understand that. If your T doesn't then maybe you need to go to a new T. Right now what is important is to keep you and baby healthy and do what's best for your's and the best best interest. You sound like you want to do that and I commend you for knowing how important this baby is.

The ONLY reason I am trying to hang in there is because of the baby but I have this overwhelming feeling that after I give birth things are just going to fall apart really quickly. You may go through post partum depression. Please make sure you T is aware and knows how to treat it. If not you will need a T who specializes in it to keep you safe. I went through postpartum very badly, my T saved my life...honest, my life...I was done after I had my baby, but I am still here thanks to my T

I know that the adoption is the best answer for the babys sake. Wonderful that you know this is the best thing to do. THat makes you a good person knowing what's right.

I seriously hope that who ever is reading this doesnt think that I am crazy you are not crazy, this happens so many times to woman

Maybe talking to crisis will be a good thing for you and your baby. Please do take good care of yourself.

Dont think you are crazy because you are not. Go to the hospital they can help. They wont think you are doing this for attention. They will listen and give you support as we will here. . Stay strong ok.