using guys to self injure

lately ive been hurting myself through other people...
my doc checks now to see if i have cut, so i cant slice my ankles like i used to.....
just have to let a guy be brutal to me.
hurts
as it should
i deserve it to....
and it is so counterproductive and self destructive, a part of me just wants someone to hold me, keep me safe, but i throw myself to the dogs.

(((((((cottoncandylocks)))))))))

Allowing guys to brutalize you sounds a lot more dangerous to me than si. You have no control of how badly the guys will injure you.

I'm not saying that you should cut, but letting others hurt you is a very bad alternative, imo.

And no, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

I agree. That sounds really dangerous to me, although I understand it. I've often wished for somebody to hurt me so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for it. It's all a way to cope with those feelings we don't want to deal with. Please try to make yourself safe. You deserve happiness and safety, and hurting yourself or letting other people hurt you will deprive you of the things you deserve. You are worth so much more than that.

I think I do this in some way. Sometimes I go to clubs and go off with a stranger, and let them do what they want to me. Not for any pleasure or anything. To match how worthless I feel inside.

I do the same thing. After the abuse was stopped and I couldn't si anymore I just let other people do it. Or I purposely get hit by a bat in softball. I personally like it better than SI because I'm weak and can't do it good enough. But others can't feel the pain so they can go as hard as they want to and not know how bad it hurts... You're not alone <3

NO person ever has the right to hurt another person.

if you goat them in to it or not - NOBODY has the right to hurt you.

VERY upsetting to me.