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#1
Sep 02, 2009, 04:54 PM
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made it 10 months this time
not functioning today yesterday started off wrong, but i tried to manage, then it ended badly i feel useless today, still sitting here in pajamas - finally brushed hair - still didn't get work done (on computer) that was due yesterday
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#2
Sep 02, 2009, 04:58 PM
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 ((((((((((Rapunzel))))))))))Congrats on making it 10 months  That's hard, hun! Please don't feel pathetic for having a bad day, you're not, we all have those! Sending you Love, Hugs and Strength, hun!
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 Rapunzel
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#3
Sep 02, 2009, 05:14 PM
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((((((((Rapunzel))))))))
try not to be so hard on yourself...
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 notz |
| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#4
Sep 02, 2009, 10:17 PM
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((((((((((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))))
Sending much love and strength... You showed so much strength going 10 months, and you will get through this one too. Try and not be too hard on yourself hun.. no one is perfect 
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The unexamined life is not worth living. -Socrates |
| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#5
Sep 03, 2009, 09:50 AM
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(((((((((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))))))
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| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#6
Sep 04, 2009, 12:50 AM
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(((((((((Rapunzel))))))
I dont post here very much but I wanted to give you a hug
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| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#7
Sep 04, 2009, 10:37 AM
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((((((((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))))
I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. Hang in there
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. |
| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#8
Sep 04, 2009, 05:29 PM
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I understand not functioning. I also understand not having any other choice.
Be kind to yourself, if you can. If you brushed your hair and it is anything like fairytale Repunzel's then that is enough in itself! If it means anything i don't think you are useless. I think you mean a lot to me. You are very wise. Sometimes I wish i had better words.... |
| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#9
Sep 04, 2009, 10:46 PM
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Depression is a *****.
(((((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))))))) Congrats on making it to 10 months. PM me if you want to chat, haven't talked to you in such a long time woman! Sorry about the bad day yesterday.You are NOT useless. Give yourself a break. Small steps, and all that nice stuff. I've gone into classes and stuff in my PJs with hair unbrushed on a couple of occassions. I'm sure people thought I was a weird rez student.  But give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to help yourself out right now.(((((((((((((Rap))))))))))))))))))))
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| Rapunzel
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#10
Sep 05, 2009, 01:42 AM
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Doing better today. It isn't good for me to not be at work. I only work part time, and the days I didn't function were the days I don't have work (except what I was supposed to do from home). I wasn't sure I'd handle going to work and being all that I'm supposed to be there, but I was pretty good yesterday and today. Except for not being assertive, so I kept getting caught and ended up staying at work much later than I intended to. I go to therapy in the morning.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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| Lost71
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#11
Sep 05, 2009, 02:37 AM
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You sound better, this is good.
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notz |
| Lost71
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#12
Sep 05, 2009, 07:38 PM
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Yes, I'm a lot better now than I was Tuesday night and Wednesday. I hope it lasts. T is going on vacation and I don't get to see her again for 3 weeks, and that's too long. If I stay busy I do ok.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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| Abby, Lost71
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#13
Sep 07, 2009, 05:03 PM
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ah yes, 3 wk holiday and the need to keep busy - i relate big time! do you have anything/anyone else to go to during this time besides just trying to get through it alone by distracting constantly? i'm not sure about you but i get tired quite easily these days so distraction isn't always 100% foolproof. take care of yourself.
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| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#14
Sep 07, 2009, 06:58 PM
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Well, I have work, and I'm always better there. But I only work part-time. It's also state fair next week, so I'm going to go to that one day. I've got all these plums to make jam or something out of, but that can be problematic when I can't get people to clean up after themselves in the kitchen. I have a list of distractions to use, but I actually worked on that the day that I blew up, and rebelled at it (part of me punishes me for being nice to myself), so that didn't help last week.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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| Lost71
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#15
Sep 07, 2009, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
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| Rapunzel
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#16
Sep 08, 2009, 05:47 AM
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((((Rapunzel)))) Just sending you lots of loving thoughts and gentle hugs. I understand. We love you. dps |
| Lost71, Rapunzel
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#17
Sep 15, 2009, 01:49 PM
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How is it going rapunzel? Are you managing to keep really busy?
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| Rapunzel
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#18
Sep 15, 2009, 04:03 PM
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Yes, I have plenty to do, and I'm doing ok. I have paperwork to catch up with and fruit trees full of fruit that I need to pick and can or make something out of. I've had some thoughts of doing things that I used to do, just because, but I'm ok.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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| Abby
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#19
Sep 16, 2009, 01:34 PM
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Yeh, just because can seem like a darn good reason when our minds are against us. I'm not sure about you but i find having the thoughts worse than the times when i have no other choice but to. Maybe because they keep nagging and nagging and i don't care enough to fight them but i also am rational enough to realise the action would not be much use/helpful. Very much a limbo time.
I'm glad you are getting through it. Slowly but surely. It is tedious to do it that way, but it is the most effective.
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| notz, Rapunzel
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#20
Sep 27, 2009, 09:03 PM
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T is back from vacation, and I saw her yesterday. I hadn't told her last time about relapsing - only about needing to be more assertive, and gave other examples, not what I got upset about.
So, yesterday I told her about misusing the DBT Skills workbook and getting myself worked up and having a bad day - only hinted at actual SI. She's well aware of my history, but I normally let her believe that it is all history. I think I really understated it, though, because it didn't even seem like a big deal to me remembering it. Anyway, I guess I have a dysfunctional day or week or so every once in a while and act fine the rest of the time and it seems like nothing is wrong - even to me. I never believe that I can really be ok though - I just manage to maintain the act and usually can pull it off when I want to. I avoided the whole issue for the three weeks that T was gone (she wasn't actually gone quite that long, but that was how long between my appointments). I feel rather fake, on both ends of it. Things can't be that bad since I manage almost all of the time. But it still feels like I'm just pretending at being functional most of the time. That seems like I'm hiding who I really am. I need to get my DBT book out again and see if I can work at it without misusing the book.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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#21
Sep 29, 2009, 08:54 AM
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Faking it until you make it helps you to maintain things which is good but I hear you wanted to step past this which is also good. I think that becoming aware of this is definitely a step forward. You are very capable of moving forward..........
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Rapunzel
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#22
Sep 30, 2009, 01:02 AM
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You should be very proud of yourself for your 10 months of being SI free...Don't be hard on yourself for slipping...I know that fighting the urge to SI is very challenging, but you have proven through your strength that it is possible...everyone slips but they get back up and keep fighting...Please don't beat yourself up over this...Be proud...honor your courage, your strength and your determination...
My thoughts and prayers are with you... Broken1 |
| Rapunzel
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#23
Sep 30, 2009, 02:02 PM
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The second chapter of the book is going better. I think I know what triggered me in that first chapter of the book. I started arguing with it when it listed strategies that cause pain but no physical damage. Those aren't good options for me. I won't stop. I don't get what I want from holding an ice cube, etc. And distraction techniques don't resolve anything or even really engage my attention. The second chapter is also on distress tolerance, but has meditation, visulalization, and relaxation techniques. They take more effort, and feel much more real to me. I'll do much better with the rest of the book, I think.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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#24
Oct 05, 2009, 07:14 AM
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yes distraction does just that distracts - an then the feelings come back... the visualistion, meditaiton etc cna help sned the feelings off again....
i ma glad you are in a better place now - dont forget to come back and use the support here if you need it though
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!  (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| Rapunzel
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