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#1
Sep 25, 2009, 06:24 PM
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Well for those of you that knew I was pregnant. I delivered the baby on 9-23-09 at Women ans Childrens Hospital of Buffalo. She weighed 5 and 1/2 pounds and is 18 inches long. Her name is Kennedy Madison and I dont know the last name because she was adopted today which leaves me to why I am feeling the way I am currently. Ya know everyone says that I am making the right decision about the open adoption but I just feel so irresponsible and so many other things as well. I never thought that I could be anymore angry with life untill today came. I cant take this anymore. I am learning that life sux and there isnt anything that I can do about it right now except to try and ignore all the feelings and emotions. I am so angry with myself, life, the world and even some people. I dont mean to sound so rude but I am even angry with the adoptive parents and they havent even done anything wrong. I hate how I am feeling and I want to just for get about the whole pregnancy. It just seems the more I try to forget the more I get angry and hate everything and everyone. Also the more I try to forget the more I think about it. I just wish that I could cut it seems like that might just be the one and only thing that will help me right now. I was not prepared for all of this, plus she was born like 5 weeks early so nothing was in place. I could so just scream right now and I swear if I hear one more baby I am going to just explode and it will so not be a good site to see. I hate myself and the world so much right now. If anyone has any suggestions or different thoughts please let me know.
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#2
Sep 25, 2009, 06:38 PM
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Oh sweetie...I just can't imagine the pain you are in right now...Just would like to wrap my arms around you and cry with you....Thinking about you tonight and praying for you too if that's OK....Sometimes..life is just so hard....
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC]  Susan
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#3
Sep 25, 2009, 10:36 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((tmac))))))))))))))))))))))) I can hear all the conflicting emotions you are feeling. That must be so hard. I don't know the specifics about your situation but it must have been a very hard decision to make. It does sound like you were trying to make the best one for your baby. I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain.
I hope you are able to keep from harming yourself. Are you seeing someone that you can talk to? With all that is going on you will probably need all the positive coping skills you have. Please try and be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Feel free to PM me anytime.  BB
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#4
Sep 26, 2009, 09:26 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tmac87))))))))))))))))))))))) It was good that she was adopted today because that means whoever adopted her really cared and wanted someone. No you are not irresponsible because you went through all of the steps and procedures, took off all of your meds to keep the baby healthy. It does not matter that you got pregnat, what matters now is that she is ok and is now adopted, you are ok and have survived the pregnancy. Look how far you've made it through life. I have found a birth mother support group site for both emotional and social support. If you would like to, you can check out this link: http://www.birthmotherresources.com/birth_mother/birth_mother_adoption_support_groups.htm I think that it would be good if you could seek people who are/have been in this position. It is more likely to seek people who are going through the same issue because then you may feel more validated and can talk to others for better support. Please do not cut. It's only a short time relief and is not worth it in the long run. Please call someone, talk to a nurse/doctor, try to get through this. I care so much about you and don't want to see you like this. Remember that everyone is a special person, because everyone has something good to offer to everyone. Feel free to call, e-mail, PM me anything, just ask because I'm here for you, dance59326
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown "To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"  Thich Nhat Hanh |
 phoenix7
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#5
Oct 05, 2009, 04:19 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((((tmac87)))))))))))))))))))))))))
i dont know your whole story - i only know whats here in this thread - but i can see all the hurt and anger there - you obviously put a lot of thought into adopting out your baby and have done what you think is right - 2nd guessingyourself will only hurt more - please try to be kind to your self - you have done the best you can - and that is all anyone can ask It must be hard seeingthe other babies and hearing them - are you receiving any support? councilling? Dance has a great idea of a support group - you are going through ia kind of grief at the moment - your hormones and blood comppnents are all up in the air form the pregnancy and the birth they will take time to settle down.. Please hang in there - seek help - and keep in touch. If you possibly can - then dont cut - it only distracts from the pain for a short time - thenthe pain returns - hard as it is you have to work through it - feel it and get through - we are here to help if you need us please take care P7 
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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