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#1
Nov 08, 2009, 05:47 PM
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It has been a long time since I feel the way I do.
 I have become numb. I think it could be because of stress and everything that is going on. A year ago something bad happened to me. I blocked this out of my memory and when I went to my T a couple weeks ago and he explained what happened. I was crushed. I was trying to deal with that. At the same time my fiances mom and me had a falling out that was very bad. It is very stressful. After that happened I got sick with the flu. I think half of that was stress. Also not to mention all the other problems I do have. I have come to a point of feeling numb now. Sometimes when I am around people I feel like I am in a room away from everyone. I can hear them but I cant feel. It is wierd. I want to feel again and that is why I want to cut. I want to feel again. I have been very strong with it but I cant be anymore. I have had so many emotions at once and notw I cant feel them anymore! I dont know..............
__________________
  *~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#2
Nov 08, 2009, 06:46 PM
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Hugs to you!! Sorry you are feelin so low. I know how ya feel. I'm fighting urges to cut an burn myself an its so difficult. I jus want it all to go away! Pls take care of yourself! Keep posting and distracting yourself! Hugs
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 caring_whiterose
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#3
Nov 08, 2009, 06:52 PM
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please stay safe! hang in there!!
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#4
Nov 08, 2009, 08:19 PM
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I am trying so hard! I cant do it anymore and me not cutting is leading to other thoughts (they are not good). I dont know what to do!
__________________
*~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#5
Nov 08, 2009, 08:56 PM
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I think you're doing great just being here & talking about it. I know you don't know me, but I can tell in your posts how hard you're trying. I've been there, hell, I AM there. Just keep reaching out.
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#6
Nov 08, 2009, 08:59 PM
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That you very much! I just find it hard when you can be around so many people and you can make a way to cut. Like all you have to do is say you have to go to the bathroom and thats it. I want to feel again.
__________________
*~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#7
Nov 08, 2009, 09:36 PM
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my T has been kind of pounding into my head (or trying to, lol) the idea that SI just pushes away the emotional pain of the moment but it'll come back bigger and "badder" later. That works, sometimes, for the times I want to SI in order to stop feeling something.
But yeah, sometimes I do is because I want to feel something, anything. I'm not as numb now as I used to be, being in therapy has helped me change that, but I still get there sometimes. Just saying, I understand, I really do. And SI might be something to feel right now, but then later I'm feeling the guilt & shame that come with it, and that I *don't* want to feel. It's a vicious cycle, as I'm sure you know. So many hugs for you.
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#8
Nov 09, 2009, 10:03 AM
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I mean I know it isnt good to do. I did stop for about a month and the reason I stopped is because I went deep and it scared me! It is weird though I did it before to take away stress and get all that emotion out like you said but now I just really want to feel. I dont understand why the tables turned.
__________________
*~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#9
Nov 09, 2009, 10:51 AM
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oh, I know you know that, sorry if I came across as preachy or whatever. I recently stopped for about a month, too, and just did it again yesterday, so I understand that back & forth of knowing it's not good but then wanting to do it.
And the 2 reasons for doing it: wanting to feel vs not wanting to feel, and I don't get how that works either, but sometimes it's one and sometimes it's the other. It's all part of the package I guess. Anyway, hope you're feeling better today.
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#10
Nov 09, 2009, 12:54 PM
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Hi pooty, the falling out with your fiance's mom and the issue that came up in therapy are overwhelming and causing the numbness???? I would think that to get rid of the numbness that you have to deal with these 2 issues that are causing it. When is your next therapy session?
The cutting (pain) releases dopamine which improves your mood so it can improve your mood from numbness or too many feelings???
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#11
Nov 09, 2009, 01:04 PM
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I still have to make an appt. I have been sooooooo busy. I know I have to deal with the issues but I really dont think I can handle it right now. There is just to much. I have been there before where there is to many things to deal with and it did not end up well. I cant have that happen again.
__________________
*~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#12
Nov 09, 2009, 01:12 PM
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So you are delaying???? You don't have to deal with it all at once. Do you like your therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#13
Nov 09, 2009, 01:23 PM
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I guess I am delaying but I didnt realize it. I do like my T. He is very nice. I guess I just dont feel like talking and going into detail. I dont know.
__________________
*~Sometimes all you need is a hug~*Such as we are made of, such we be. - William Shakespeare From error to error one discovers the entire truth. - Sigmund Freud |
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#14
Nov 09, 2009, 01:41 PM
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How about just bringing up the subject with him and talking about how you want to avoid talking about it?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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