[xXWhyXx]

I have horrible depression, but at times it can change. But it only changes back to a typical normal mood. Last night, as I was trying to forget about my horrible life, I suddenly had the urge to cut myself. I thought about how back then, I thought it was hilarious that people cut themselves and how stupid and annoying emos are. But now I am an emo and I am this close to cutting myself. I thought about how the pain could go away with just another pain out weighing it. I quickly looked around the room for anything that I could use. I found a razor and was this close to cutting myself. I was so close to cutting myself but I couldn't do it. Something told me that I shouldn't. I thought about how worthless I was and how no one needed me so who cares if someone hurts me, or even if it is myself. People tease me about being emo so much that I have believe that I am truly and emo. I can't stand being around myself. And suicide, my family doesn't deserve that. All this pain is building up inside of me and cutting myself seems like my only escape... No, escape is my reality. Sigh.

[Mike_J]

yes, Yes, YES, YES!!!!
I feel all of those things.

And I'm glad you didn't cut yourself, trust me you can't replace emotional pain with physical pain, I have tried and it doesn't work. But even with it not working SI is still so addictive, best way to stop is to never start.

Hang in there..

[carrie-19]

Hi xXWhyXx, first of all stereotypes like 'emo' are just generalizations . Your are you . Don't let people throw you into a certain catagorey,ignore them you do not need a label. Everyone is different and unique (as cheesy as that sounds). I think a lot of people here can relate to your feelings over guilt from SI and suicide. One of the main reasons I've stopped SI recently is because it's upsets my bf so much. It's hard to put into words for me but this guilt is actually good. People care about you. They don't want to see you hurt. Maybe instead of feeling guilty about these thoughts you can try and discuss them with family. Not an easy task I know. But you can always always talk on here on PC. That's what we'r all here for try have a look at some of the stickys ,they help loads.
Have a good day,
Carrie xo

[thine_self_untrue]

Why,
A word of warning: I did that exact some thing. I thought about cutting, laid a razor on my arm, 'tried' to cut for weeks before I actually did it for the first time. Now, one month later, I cut every day.
DON'T START. It's only a matter of time before you 'try it', and it's hard, so, so hard to stop.
There are better ways to cope. Yes, cutting has it's appeal. If it didn't, people wouldn't do it as much as they do. But it's not worth it.
Please, stop before you start. Prevent a huge problem that just drags you down lower.
(((((((((((xXWHYXx)))))))))))))

[SheilaJane]

I am so glad to hear that you chose not to cut yourself. Once you start it is a slippery slope and a very hard habit to break. I have scars that will never go away. Cutting only relieves emotional pain (in my experience) for about 10 or 15 minutes. Then, all of the emotional pain comes crashing back ON TOP of the physical pain. Also, I tend to feel guilty about cutting, so the emotional pain is actually worse.

I am writing this response, though, to tell you that you are NOT worthless. I am so sorry if the people in your life make you feel like you are... and it can be so hard to believe that we matter. People suffer with depression for some pretty serious reasons. And they are often linked inseparably with the events and people in our lives that have caused our low self esteem. I don't have the answer or the magical cure for this, I suffer with feeling worthless all the time. But I can tell you that the people on this forum, at least, want to hear what you have to say. You matter.

[Sannah]

WHy, are you in therapy?

[xXWhyXx]

No, but I think I really should.

Originally Posted by Sannah

WHy, are you in therapy?

[Sannah]

So will you look into it?