*extreme trigger warning* i can't stop thinking

about suicide. how i will do it.... thinking about doing it while im driving, just run off the freeway overpass or whikle im walking, jump in front of a car, or to go buy a gun methotically, buy the bullets later (you cant buy both in the same day i think) and then shoot myself in the head and end it all.

i cant stop thinking about it. i want to end it. i want to end my life and my pills arent working, at least not yet. I'm on abilify @ 15mg a day and klonopin @ 25mg a day.

i dont know what to do except reach out to those who wont lock me up.... like you guys. i called 1-800-suicide once a while back when i was ready to do it. i still am.... im just scared.

i AM seeking attention, YES. it's my only hope.

im just going to cut tonight.... to stop the pain temporarily.... to feel like it might be over temporarily....

I'm really sorry you're going through this . It's funny because I feel the same way right about now but don't really care about myself. But when I hear your story, I feel like crying and squeezing you in a bear hug . Things will get better. I promise. Hopelessness will dissipate over time.

If I remember correctly Aimeesh, you don't have a therapist? You need to get help! Don't use the permanent solution to a temporary problem........ Please keep us posted.

i've thought of suicide since i was very young, at least 10 because i drew pictures and my mom found them.
i do have a T. he says to up the dosage of my pills. he's leaving in april so im not sure what to do once he's gone...

Sounds like you need to start looking for a new T?

Aimeesh,
Listen. I want you to know that I have thought about the very samethings you have. About driving off a bridge or buying a gun. In fact, I will not let a gun in my house because I know the state of mind I get in sometimes. My meds help, but when something triggers me, it all floods back in again. I especially get depressed during the winter, cold, dark months. Keep yourself safe. When you are telling your psychiatrist all of this, what is the responce? If your doctor is not managing your medication correctly, you need to let him know, or find a new doc.
I have had some dark times, and it had seemed that suicide was the only way out. The same person who has felt this way is telling you that things do get better! I have bipolar disorder, OCD, and borderline personality disorder. Try managing all of this with the daily stresses of life such as finances, work, and relationships. It is very challenging, and hurtful at times. Sometimes I get vey lonely.
My advice to you is get the meds adjusted or get your doctor to try something new. The combination may be wrong. Continue to keep us updated. I care about you, as well as all the others looking out for you. Suicidality is very real and need to be addressed. My best wishes to you always. Promise to always stay safe and never hesitate to call a friend or get yourself to safe place if you need to. Remember, problems come to an end, you should not have to!

(((((((Aimeesh)))))))

Why exactly would you not want to be hospitalized? Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital? Are you afraid that they would keep you longer than you want to be there?

I have had suicidal thoughts and being in the hospital was the best place for me at that time. It's not much fun there, kind of like a cross between a zoo and a prison, but it is a safe place when you need one.

How long have you been on the Abilify? I am not terribly familiar with that drug but some drugs can actually induce suicidal thoughts. You should tell your prescriber how you are doing. Perhaps a med change is needed.

the suicidal thoughts were very strong before my medication. now they're less, actually, but still there, nonetheless.
i have a psych but not a Therapist, and he's leaving in april.... i have to start over with someone new
and i wont let a gun in my home either. my BF wanted to buy one for "protection" and i said no, to protect myself.

So what happens when your psychiatrist leaves? Has he discussed who he recommends? That must be stress provoking.

My therapist has been a big help to me but it took several tries before I found a therapist that I worked well with.

What else is going on in your life? Does everything seem overwhelming right now?

I just finished looking at many of your art works on your myspace. Thank you for making them available; I enjoyed your work very much. The drawing of the baby with the big flower in her hair was arresting! "Teen Spirit" really caught my eye as well.

Yes, what is your plan for finding a therapist?

Please let us know how you are doing, aimeesh.