don't understand

I don't understand. Logically I kind of do, but emotionally I don't at all. Everyone was allowed to hurt me, so why is it so wrong if I hurt myself? I'm not doing anything that hasn't already been done in some way, shape, or form. Is it wrong to want the release that it will give? People say not to do it because it will hurt your friends/family. Well it was my family that hurt me already so I don't see how they have a say in anything that goes on in my life. As for friends, if I'm careful enough they will never know. And it isn't like I'm ever able to really keep friends when I move anyway and I plan on moving in another year and a half for school. Why did everyone think it was okay for other people to hurt me (implicit in that when I asked for help, no one did anything, ever.) But people have such a problem with me doing something that is so much less than they ever did? Can someone please explain it to me? Explain it so my emotional parts can understand why it's wrong?

Because you are free from the abuse done to youp SI is reinacting the abuse. It is what you have known. You are repeating the patterns of the past. We are all here to get better. In order for you to get better, the old unhealthy habits need to be replaced with healthy ones...that is the hard part. Have you talked to your pdoc or t about this?

It was wrong for others to abuse you, and it's wrong for you to abuse anyone else, including yourself. Just me but you should be more concerned about what it does to yourself instead of the dammage you do to your friends and families. SI might help you cope for a day, but in the long run it is a horrible cycle to get into.

I have fallen into this cycle far too often, know what it has done to ME, I'm once again trying to break free from this distructive cycle I hope we both can do it.

Thank you both.

I haven't really talked a lot about my SI (or right now urges) with my T. Or any of my past Ts. The urges haven't been this bad for four years, so it was put on a back burner because it wasn't pressing. Well, I guess it is pressing again. I think this will probably be a topic of discussion this week.

Mike I hope you are able to stop. Hugs.

NF-Thank you for your wisdom as always.