Honestly Trying (trigger warning and ranting)

The cutting hasn't come to a stop yet.. No one knows yet. And I can't stop SIing.. Yet. It started with mere shallow cuts on my fingers and then over time, it somehow came to be on my arms.. "Someone will find out eventually." thats what I keep on saying to myself but I still can't stop. I'll promise myself that I'll tell someone so I decide that I can cut as much as I want before they take it all away from me. But I never do. I need to stop before I ruin myself forever. I have a cut "across the street" on my wrist that I keep on cutting again whenever it scabs over. Yesterday was when I started seriously thinking about comitting suicide. And now today, the thoughts are even worse. I have been thinking about how to kill myself.. I mean, I don't intend to hurt others around me... But it's just the thought of SI and suicide that makes me smile, I actually smiled when I found a razor to cut with. I don't want anyone to take it away. Sorry for dissapointing everyone. I am trying hard to stop. I'll figure it out..

I'll tell you right now that having your loved ones find out about it is the worst experience ever. From your post, it sounds like the cutting addiction is starting. Sometimes SI starts off small but it can quickly escalate in frequency and intensity. One thing that helps to slow yourself down is to mark on a calendar so you can actually see how often you are doing it. (I just use tallies so no one but me knows what it means). When I told my T that I am starting to think and daydream about cutting deeper and more dangerous, she pointed out that it's similar to drug addictions where over time you'll start to crave and need more of it to reach similar relief to your first time. Just remember you're not alone and nobody on here will be disappointed, we're here for support, not judgement. Also, you're not alone so feel free to come talk to us when you're having a hard time

Why, you need help. You need to get therapy. You are going to end your young life before you even tried therapy!

Sweety, I am sorry you feel so so low. We are all here supporting you and I hope you are OK. Is there anyone at all you can talk to? What about that email to the school counsellor? did you send it?

I hug you xx

the fact that you want to stop is HUGE. that is, as cliche as it sounds, the first step. keep us all updated. and i agree with sannah, you need to get help. a threapist is a huge tool, and you can use that tool to stop SI. keep us updated.

No, I never sent it. I typed it -- but never sent it.

How about sending it honey? I really need someone to help you. By reaching out you will ease the pain honey xxxxxx

Do you have a specific plan to commit suicide?

Please tell your parents, email your counselor or call for help, 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE.

Disappointing us? You do not love yourself enough to live a healthy life but are concerned about disappointing us?

If anyone should be disappointed it is you. You make the choices.

Honey - like TheByz say - you make the choices and you need to make the healthy and postive choices for you. You are special and such a sweet girl. You do not deserve all this and you do not deserve to disappoint yourself.

I think sending that email is a very good idea at this stage and good job for talking to your parents. Can you ask them to see a therapist?