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  #1  
Old Apr 10, 2010, 05:04 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Location: Australia
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I guess i have come back to old coping habits - usually i cut or scratch where it cant be seen - but i have done so this time all down my arems - i am having to wera dressings at work - our uniforms are short sleeved (nurse) so i cant do anything else like wear long sleeves

theworst thing is im not lettign them heal - i know all the techniques - i try them - but its almost an unconscious habit now and the first i know of it is when i have blood on my, hands....

I am disapointed that i cant stay present enough to know what im doing - i drift all the time - my T retired and i havnt found another one - cos i dont care enough - i dont really care about anythign - well almost anything - i asm ding the barest things possible to survive - and that includes bills and food - I had some big bills and i made arrangements to pay them so i cant afford much food for a while - so im not eating welladn this is not helping as i am so tired all the time - and so i dont do anything - and so things get fouled up adn so on and so on ruond and round we go....

a couple of months if i stay good i wil be o an even keel financially - still deep in deobt - but hey i did that to myself - so i ahve to dig my way out of it dont i .....

meanwhile - my arms get worse - they get infected - i clean them out - i cant afford the meds lol

is there a question here....i guess its how do you stop doing somthing that youre doing without thjnking when you cant stay present to keep connected to Real life .....

I hope everyone is well

take care

P7
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
swings and roundabouts....
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet

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  #2  
Old Apr 10, 2010, 12:05 PM
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leah0306 leah0306 is offline
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so sorry to read it is so rough for you, your not alone-i too have these issues. good to see you will be better financially soon, has to be some comfort? i have been applying and waiting for a decision on disability, i have bipolar,gen anxiety,lupus, for4 years and the stress of just waiting is eating me alive! i have had skinand scab picking problem for 15 years, it hasnt ever went away. i too avoid wearing revealing clothes that shows people i self-injure, no shorts, bathing suits, ect... so i wish you the very best and take care feel free to contact me if you ever need to talk, okay?
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In a mad world only the mad are sane--Akira Kurosawa

The things we fear have already happened...Deepak Choppra
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #3  
Old Apr 11, 2010, 04:32 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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i am sorry yuo are having these issues - do yuo have a T? i appreciate your concern - im just feleing a bit out in the wilderness where the monsters are and not really caring much lol

take care P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
swings and roundabouts....
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #4  
Old Apr 12, 2010, 08:50 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Phoenix, I'm glad that you are focusing on working your way to a better place financially instead of digging yourself deeper, very good work!!! To answer your question about staying present, therapy would be very helpful. Can you set your watch alarm to go off every half hour or something and this reminds you to ground yourself? Do you have access to a food bank or a soup kitchen?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #5  
Old Apr 13, 2010, 03:04 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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id set my watch Sannah but i cant find it lol - i keep losing things - and i only have a sdmall flat you would think it would be hard to lsoe things but it isnt - cos it s such a mess - its all a bit overwhelming at the moment

I know i just ned to start and do somthing - but it makes me feel...i dont kno wlike giving up everytime i walk in the door...
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
swings and roundabouts....
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #6  
Old Apr 13, 2010, 10:22 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
I know i just ned to start and do somthing -

but it makes me feel...i dont kno wlike giving up everytime i walk in the door...
What is it that makes you feel like giving up? What are the thought processes and/or the feelings?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #7  
Old Apr 16, 2010, 05:29 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
i take one look at the mess and its overwhelming - it disgusts me and makes me sad - and a large part of me thinnks i deserve to live like this - its just another way to self harm really - eating - not eating - cutting - scratching - setting myself up for financial ruin - nnot taking care of my appearance or health.......

sighs.....

pdoc tomorrow - i guess... i dont knowif i should go - i can hide the marks on my arms - but not my hands -
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
swings and roundabouts....
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #8  
Old Apr 16, 2010, 07:54 PM
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Hunny Hunny is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
Phoenix7:

Just thinking about you and caring for you Phoenix7 Thanks for your courage to share.

Hunny
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“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #9  
Old Apr 19, 2010, 08:45 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Phoenix, I'm so sorry! If you tackle that "mess" a little at a time it will help you to feel better. It really will.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #10  
Old Apr 20, 2010, 06:09 PM
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Typo Typo is offline
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((((((((((((Pheonix 7)))))))))))))))))))))

sending GIANT sparrow snuggles to you, sending lots of good peaceful thougts and love hun

Love
Typo
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #11  
Old Apr 22, 2010, 01:13 PM
TheByzantine
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phoenix7, be a warrior and work through this. Good luck.
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
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