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#1
May 13, 2010, 02:33 AM
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I posted some stuff in the Depression forum, but I cant stop what I am doing to myself. I cut myself and the scars are there in the open. Every time my parents asked me what it was about-i just lie and they took it. When I dont have a razor i just give myself bruises. I have bruises all over my body. That pain is real. Its like I have be punished for never doing anything in life or when it gets too much i just want to get back at the people that hurt me. People always believe my lies.
I just dont know if it is easier for them to believe them. I feel they dont care about me too much or they are not interested. Its like they dont even love me or dont care what happens to me. |
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#2
May 13, 2010, 06:11 AM
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Hi Rockie
I just want to say that I know where you're coming from. I cut and injured myself in other ways right under my parents nose for years without anyone saying anything. I don't know what your parents motivation is. It may not have occured to them that you could be causing the injuries yourself. Or, the idea that you might be is so frightening to them, becuse they do love you so much, that they have been unwilling or unable to face it. Sometimes, you just have to be an advocate for yourself, and if you wish someone would notice something, go ahead and point it out to them. The next time someone asks, how'd you get that bruise/cut? Consider just telling them the truth. It just might lift some weight off your shoulders. |
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#3
May 13, 2010, 09:03 AM
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Hi Rockie, I'm sorry that you are suffering. I'll bet there is something going on in your family that is causing you to feel ignored. Do you agree?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
May 13, 2010, 09:15 AM
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You CAN stop. It is a choice. You just need to get someone to help you learn this and believe it and help you with the pain you're feeling.
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#5
May 17, 2010, 11:51 AM
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My head hurts all the time about my situation. Its just my father. I never had anything in my life. I didnt have that teenage adolescence. My father keep us so bound that every time we go out there was a struggle. Now there is just so much in my head. My cousin, I am losing my friends, and I cant help myself.
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#6
May 17, 2010, 11:59 AM
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Rockie, I just read all of your posts. You are looking into therapy? It does sound like your dad really affected you a lot. Instead of him fixing his problems he made everything worse it sounds like.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
May 17, 2010, 12:50 PM
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@Sannah, I am trying to. I really dont know where to start. And I really dont want my parents to know, especially him. Sometimes I try to see it in his perspective, my dad, and try to understand everything. Right now my head is just so distorted. All my actions or inactions is really piling on me. I feel everything in what I have not done and everything I lost. I told my best friend about my situation, but she lives all the way in san diego. I just cant go to her house and drown her with my tears. I dont know how to find a good therapist. And im scared to tell that person everything.
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#8
May 18, 2010, 09:29 AM
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Do you have health insurance? It sounds like your dad has anxiety (because he is so controlling). It isn't fair what he did to you because he didn't do the right thing and get therapy to work on his issues.
Sounds like you feel guilt because you can't meet your dad's impossible standards??? Why can't you go to your friend and open your heart to her?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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