[onlymedid]

Would you consider taking too many pain pills SI? Not enough to OD or anything, but just like a half more than you are prescribed to get a little bit of an extra kick? Since I haven't eaten since last night, it is kicking in a little more than usual.
It makes me feel a little better while I am in this major bipolar funk. My husband thinks it will make me OD or something, but I know it won't because I am not even close to the max dose.
Anyways, would you consider it SI?

[Aquafara]

Yes, I do. It's the kind of thing where you think, oh yes, this will make me feel better. This is how it starts... One more, one more one more... Eventually, it's too much. Except, hopefully you don't reach that point. I have a lot of exp. with my mother doing this. You should talk to your doctor if you feel the dosage isn't enough. It's the safer way.

Also, the fact that you haven't eaten in a while may be a sign that you are trying to SI. I only say this because you basically said not eating made it feel more potent.

Do you feel it's SI or are you asking because your husband said he thinks it is?

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Aquafara

Yes, I do. It's the kind of thing where you think, oh yes, this will make me feel better. This is how it starts... One more, one more one more... Eventually, it's too much. Except, hopefully you don't reach that point. I have a lot of exp. with my mother doing this. You should talk to your doctor if you feel the dosage isn't enough. It's the safer way.

Also, the fact that you haven't eaten in a while may be a sign that you are trying to SI. I only say this because you basically said not eating made it feel more potent.

Do you feel it's SI or are you asking because your husband said he thinks it is?

I ask because my husband thinks it is. It's not that I "need" the pain pills...they are from a surgery I had in March. I have them on hand just in case.
I am going to my NP tomorrow. Maybe she will do something. I am getting into a Pdoc in two weeks. It's just to hold me over til then. Only when the feelings are too much to handle, then I will take them.
Yeah, I haven't been eating much at all the last few days, only when I take my nighttime sleeping meds because then my inhibitions are lowered and I am ok to eat.

[Aquafara]

What do you feel you need *the extra kick* for? Are you feeling pain when you take the pills or are you taking them for another reason? When you reach for that bottle, what is the reason behind it?

My mother has a great deal of pain, all kinds of issues. I won't get into detail, but she started out with simple things. Her doctor prescribed things for her headaches, but then her back got worse, she had a heart attack, and all of her pain was worse after that. The pills she had became her outlet for everything. She began taking them innocently enough, but ended up taking them for more.

I'm not sure how you react to pills, but she became even more angry. I had to grow up with this, and this is what has messed me up so bad. My mom was many different people while I grew up and she has destroyed her marriage with my father. They are still together, but they have the worse relationship. I've seen her try to kill herself, I've seen her O.D., to be saved at the hospital. I've seen her go through rehab multiple times, and it didn't work.

Please, don't go this way. Get help before it is too late! It hurts me to even think of you and all the other people out there who this could happen to. It's happened to plenty of others as well.

[Nemo39122]

I don't really consider it SI exactly, but I do consider it similar. I've done similar things while trying to stop SI and realized it was almost always for the same reasons that I would SI in the first place.

Are you taking them for the reason they were prescribed and just taking more or are they extra pills leftover from something and you don't actually still need them? If you don't actually need them for anything anymore I think you should throw them away. Pain pills are addictive and even though you said its not near the max dose it could get closer and closer to it once the amount you're taking now starts to not work as well.

Sorry if I asked any questions you already answered

[onlymedid]

I am not taking them for pain all the time. The physical pain is almost gone, but the emotional and mental pain is just too much to bear. I won't get addicted or anything like that. I just need something to help during these times where my NP doesn't call back when I need her, I can't handle my mind chatter or my anger and can't enjoy anything except when taking the pills.

[onlymedid]

No I'm not taking them for the original reason. It's hydrocodone and was for surgery I had in march. She gave me 30 more just in case I needed them. On top of those, I have some from before the surgery. I actually DO need them for pain sometimes, but not nearly as much as how often I take them. I just can't get rid of them because they are the only thing really keeping me afloat and "safe" right now. I am too anxious to get rid of them.

[Nemo39122]

Well since you still need them for pain you can't get rid of them...just be careful ok?

[Aquafara]

Yes, love. When you say you need them for the emotional pain, that it's too much to bare, you are verging onto SI.

I understand about not hearing from you T. I assume NP is the same? I'm not up with the terms I guess lol... It takes me at least two weeks, if not four to see my T! As far as getting a call, well, I don't even have a number to call. It would be difficult either way because I have a really stupid phone phobia lol

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

OnlyMeDid,

I'll consider whatever is correct by definiton, since I tend to follow those sort of rules; I'm the annoying one.

Self-infliction, or self-harm, if you prefer, denotes damage, pain or harm to someone's own body, whether that be external or internal, should be irrelevant, ergo, yes, by definiton, taking more medication than you should be taking, would be SI. That said, it's only so, if it is harmful to you. If there is no harm, damage or anything else pertinent to 'SI' as a result of taking too many pills, then no, it is not SI.

Since you would not be overdosing on medication, there would be no significant damage, if any, respectively. Pills will of course vary, as do our bodies, meaning that you may be causing damage of any kind to yourself by taking "just like a half more", which BTW, I strongly recommend against, without first contacting your doctor.

To further shed some light on the subject:

The 'harm' in self-harm (SH) denotes physical harm, not emotional, psychological or any other none-physical form of harm. However, 'infliction' is slightly more versatile and can be either physical or otherwise. I wouldn't say this answers any questions, but it might help conquer any uncertainties anyone here may have.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Akuma

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Aquafara

Yes, love. When you say you need them for the emotional pain, that it's too much to bare, you are verging onto SI.

I understand about not hearing from you T. I assume NP is the same? I'm not up with the terms I guess lol... It takes me at least two weeks, if not four to see my T! As far as getting a call, well, I don't even have a number to call. It would be difficult either way because I have a really stupid phone phobia lol

NP is a nurse practitioner. She can hand out meds just like a psychiatrist can...she just doesn't have the fancy degree and MAJOR knowledge. Mine is pretty smart, though...been around a long time.

[onlymedid]

Thanks Akuma, It makes sense what you are saying.
I talked to my NP about it tonight and she made me promise not to take them anymore. Not only because it is something that can get addictive, but because I am bipolar and she is going to be tweaking my meds...so there won't be a solid response in my body if I don't stop.
Also, she thinks that might be causing some funkiness in my vision and my anger.