[bluegirl...?]

going from 10 days without SI to now zero.. gotta start the count over i guess since tonight wasnt a cut-free one afterall..

im getting so tired of always falling back to cutting. four ----ing months without it and two weeks ago, i blew it and did it daily for a bit, and then i made plans to stop. again. and i failed. AGAIN. why cant i just stop, once and for all? why cant i just leave my shakey past of SI behind me and Move On?

so fracking tired of this, i really am... but not enough to quit for good i guess :/

--bluegirl

(((((((bluegirl))))))
We all have our slip ups. The important thing is to forgive ourselves when this happens, and to take it day by day.

[bluegirl...?]

it's just.. i thought i'd finally quit, that i was finally done with it all. But i couldnt do it and i gave in to SI. i didnt even *try* to stop myself. i just walked to my close, found the blade, and went at it.. :P

--bluegirl

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by bluegirl...?

it's just.. i thought i'd finally quit, that i was finally done with it all. But i couldnt do it and i gave in to SI. i didnt even *try* to stop myself. i just walked to my close, found the blade, and went at it.. :P

--bluegirl

I think it's really important to focus on the times you DID stop yourself and the months that were SI free. I'm not on this part of the forum too much (just as a warning - I'm primarily on other parts because I'm recovering and not wanting to trigger so only go on when 100% safe :P)

From personal experience I can tell you there will be slip ups. But focusing on the slip ups only welcomes more slip ups to happen. Focus on the wonderful times you were FREE of it. Think of how it felt, the triumph in overcoming this. Baby steps, don't be hard on yourself.

"I didn't even *try* to stop it"

For some reason, the will to fight wasn't there. It was a slip. To work on this when you're feeling stable try to go through WHY you were doing this, and then insist to yourself why that reasoning is wrong. It can increase your ability to fight next time. please be careful with this, as it is potentially triggering PLEASE only do it when you are safe, and if you start to slip a bit in your mind/are trigger STOP and practice self care and distraction measures.

take care

[Maxime]

^^^ I agree with the above. When I first started trying not to cut I would go 5 or days at first. Then a month, then several months and now it has been A YEAR! It's really hard to quit. Don't be so hard on yourself. You know that you can go a few months because you have done it before. Be proud that you went that long.

[bluegirl...?]

i guess im proud that i gave it up for four months. im just always afraid that if i start im going to keep going and not stop and be as bas as i was last year (i could barely live a day without it and i really cut up my arms back then, and looking back on it, i dont want to get sucked back into it).

oh and ((( turquoisesea ))) good luck on recovering and ((( Maxime ))) good job on the year!

--bluegirl